Rafael

What Is and What Could've Been

Wake up. The voice in your head was loud and a bit annoying. Wake. Up. Machines beeped overhead like crazy as the unmistakable smell of disinfectant burned your nostrils. Your throat didn't feel much better either.

Rafael had taken the first flight to New Orleans that he could. His heart had dropped at hearing the news of your accident and had stayed like that, even has he sat with you now. His legs had made him run into the hospital. The staff had to get security when he grew angry at the lack of information they had on your condition. He now sat in a plastic chair with his head laying over where he held your cold hand in his warm one.

   "Please wake up," Rafael mumbled as he raised his head to look at your face. It startled him how calm you looked like this. "I'm so sorry for being an asshole lately, just please wake up for me." The tears stung in his eyes before he could even try to force them away.

  He lowered his head once more as the tears made their way down his cheeks and onto your hand. A knock at the ICU door made him scrub the tears away quickly and sit up as straight as he could manage. Rafa hoped it was a doctor with some news.

  Instead, Val opened the door and grief flooded his features the instant he saw you. He opened his mouth to speak to Rafael, "Man, I'm so s-"

  Rafa's legs had stood him up and slammed the other man against the wall. Val's shirt collar was in Rafa's fist as he breathed hard.

  "It should've been you! You did this to her." His teeth were bared as he spoke to Val.

  The dark haired man tried to push at Rafa's chest. "I'm sorry!" He bellows, voice breaking at the height of his second word. "I was just trying to protect her."

"From what?!" Rafael screamed. "From some fuckin' cameras? Well look where she ended up, Val! Look at her."

  "I know, and I'm sorry," Val presses his head against the wall and forces his eyes to stay open. "What can I do, what do you need?"

  "Get out." He demands before letting go of the man's shirt.

  "I- yeah, yeah you got it," Replies Val, somewhat defeated as he exits the room and closes the ICU door behind him.

  The second the door clicks, Rafael allows for his emotions to take control as quiet sobs wrack his frame. His head begins to pound and his vision grows blurrier the longer he expels his tears.

  Machines beep and whir somewhere that seems much farther away from him than their actual distance. When he can take no more, his now red rimmed eyes carry him to an empty sleep. He believes this is far worse than any nightmare.

                                       ••••

Days have passed and Rafael swears he's a step or two away from going crazy. The doctors aren't sure if you'll be able to wake up and even if you do, how much you'll be like yourself from before. The steady beeping of machines becomes a crazed lullaby that pushes him into nightmare-filled sleep as he waits, prays for you to wake.

Val visits you from afar and has taken up his place in the ICU waiting room. He has slept in the uncomfortable chairs since the night you were admitted. He sneaks visits only when Rafa leaves to take care of Mía and to switch out his bag full of clothes.

He's sitting at your bedside on Saturday afternoon, hand placed gently over yours. He talks to you when the nurses aren't hovering. He talks to God for the first time in years.

"Please let her wake up," He whispers this afternoon. "Take me instead if it's a trade you need."

He knows it's pathetic, he knows he's pathetic. But it doesn't matter because you still aren't awake. Val lifts your hand up to his lips before pressing a kiss to your knuckles.