Lies and Roses°nctxbpxrv

°03

I just want to release this negative energy rising inside my system. It seemed like at any moment, if one more bad thing happens to me, I might burst in tears. I would become oblivious of my surrounding.

I took long deep breaths to calm myself, just as how Jaehyun taught me. I inhaled, closing my eyes.

One

Two

Three

And I roughly exhaled.

But my jaw was losing strength.

I could breakdown at any moment. I could feel it coming. I swear. It's here. Of all places, it had to be here; where strangers can witness me at my most vulnerable state.

I could dash out of the place but my legs were too weak to even take a step forward. My source of strength was the shelf I was leaning against on.

This is just another storm. And this storm will pass. But its damage will last for a long time.

I convinced myself that this will eventually be a distant memory someday but. . . with the state I am in, knowing that I'm still in the moment, makes me want to quickly skip the days. I don't know what to do.

I-I planned ahead. . .I never expected to be turned down. I prayed to the gods. I sacrificed for this. . . Everyone anticipated the same thing. Jaehyun said the universe wouldn't fuck this up for me. Well, fuck you, universe. You just made my world crumble.

As I quietly stood still, I began to space out. It's an unconscious habit of mine. But then again, I still have the control of my thoughts. I noticed someone was with me in the isle. I realized I was no longer alone and that I couldn't and shouldn't be seen like this. But before I could move a muscle, I felt that my cheeks were wet.

I lifted my palm and caressed my face, only to find out more and more tears were escaping from my eyes.

The person beside me noticed my movements. He constantly stole glances at me whenever he had the chance.

But you know what

Fuck you, stranger. I mean, after all, you are a stranger. And you don't know me. We won't probably bump into each other in the streets tomorrow. You will remember me looking like this but you're not going to see this face ever again.

I wasn't able to see this person's face as the source of light was too lambent for me to take a good look at his features. On top of that, he was standing against the light, making it hard for me to even get a slight picture of what was in front of me. Streaks of light beam out behind his head, blinding me from seeing his front.

But I was certain of his figure. He was lean. He was approximately seven inches taller than me. This person had broad shoulders for a lanky guy. He was wearing a red hoodie, a slight of blood-red hair sticking out underneath the fabric over his head. He was in sweat pants. He looked laid-back. He was someone I definitely don't know.

I silently cried in anguish and despair. I pressed my clammy hands against my mouth, muffling my sob. I tried my best to minimize my actions. I didn't want to attract unwanted attention, as always. I squeezed my eyes close, absolutely neglecting the fact that the stranger has been facing me. I dropped my head a bit lower to avoid his eyes from meeting mine; to hide my hideous face, all over covered with mascara.

"Uhm. . . are you altight?" he gently muttered.

I sniffled, shaking my head whilst embarrassingly turning around.

All of a sudden, I sensed a slight nudge from my elbow. I raised my head only to find him handing me a white hanky. My eyes trailed from his fingers up to his shoulder, and finally, to his face. He was looking away, staring blankly at the books in front of him. I only saw his side. His sharp profile—his nose, his jaw, his lips. He was as if he was art brought to life. My face twisted in bewilderment. I was in the middle of a hurricane, battling with my mind if he was real or just a figment of my imagination. I told you. He was a breathing art.

He nudged my elbow once more and shook the hanky a little. He nodded his head as if he was saying 'you can have it'.

I hesitantly received the hanky. Once I had it in my hands, he evacuated the isle and exited the store as if nothing happened.

*

"Heeeey, Ji Seul. Cheer up will you? Look—" Jaehyun paused, spreading his arms widely. "I bought you your favorite snacks." He concluded.

Unable to respond, I just expressionlessly looked at my best friend who's been trying to console me for an hour already. I grabbed a sausage from the table in front of me and huffed a heavy exhale, pouting my lips.

Jaehyun's forehead wrinkled. He rolled his eyes and hissed in frustration. "You sure you're fine looking like. . . that out here? We could've just stayed in your place so no one could look at your distraught face." He looked at me with worried eyes. I returned empty ones.

"You know, it's not the end of the world." He mumbled, placing his hand on top of mine, caressing it.

I heaved another deep sigh.

Jaehyun and I sat outside the convenience store near his workplace. He immediately called me when I messaged him about the results. He picked me up and drove me to this place.

He bought everything I usually eat. He knew it was the best remedy for a sad Ji Seul. But apparently, these elixirs are ineffective. The damage was too massive to fix.

It was already six in the evening. The sun had set. People were going to their respective homes. Students were walking in the streets, heading to karaoke bars and computer cafés. Some just started working. Some were already leaving. The road was still busy as ever even when daylight has faltered.

The atmosphere was good enough for me to reflect for a moment. We were seated on the mini porch of the store, with a direct view of the buzzing streets of the city. The wind was averagely cold and the noise brought a much more natural and human ambience to my mood.

"Yah, Park Ji Seul. It's not yet the end of the world. Don't look like that. At this point, my eyes might gouge out its sacks because of how dry you look." Jaehyun sternly said. He stuck a straw onto my favorite yogurt drink and slid it to my direction. "Please accept my humble offering. Don't be sad anymore, will you? It makes my heart ache."

Flashing a weakly smile, I accepted the drink he offered.

I took a long sip while staring at his pale milk-like face. Sometimes, I envy this boy for having perfect and clear skin.

"See. . . you'll get back on track soon enough if you won't sulk." He added, giving me a reassuring expression. "I guess I over-reacted." I finally managed to speak. My throat feels kind of rough a while ago. If It weren't for this yogurt drink, I might have forbidden myself from opening my mouth.

Jaehyun scrunched his nose and pressed his lips together. He then looked into my eyes with a much positive feeling. "Nah. You had every right to bawl your eyes. It was your dream company. You've always wanted to be a part of their team for almost 6 years. You had been babbling about it with me the whole time. Honestly, jokes on them. They turned down the most amazing artist in Seoul."

He never fails to make me feel at ease. "Thank you, Jaehyun. What could I have done without you."

Jaehyun and I exchanged a short sentimental look and we both smiled at each other. He then cut the moment and chuckled, his cheeks tinging pink.

"Oh by the way, Mrs. Han told me we have a new volunteer at the orphanage."

Now that's great news.

Relieved, I answered him. "When will he start?"

"On Wednesday."

Nodding my head in triumph, I let out an abrupt sigh. "That's good to hear."