The Children of Erebus

XXXIII

My heart lurched.

"Kill her!" Erebus's words echoed and rippled through me as dread settled deep in my bones; as if I was being stabbed, repeatedly.

"Kill her." He reiterated his voice cold and frigid. The whole crowd broke into a chant. They were the 12 generals, a couple of the higher-ranking commanders, the fleet that escorted us in, and of course Erebus' three beloved children Moros in the middle of Nyx and Selene, who was giving me a cold smile.

"Kill her! Kill her! Kill her! KILL HER!" Every time they spoke that cursed phrase it was like a knife to my heart as I contemplated how to get out of that mess. But there was no end in sight, either way, I lose, either way, I was damned. I either kill Raven then live with it, or I refuse and then we all die. At the end of the day, I knew I had no choice. I can't save them all. I couldn't.

Raven was facing me wide-eyed, as Erebus clapped me in the back and forced a knife into my hand, shoving me forward: the same exact knife I had used to kill all of his generals seven years ago. I can't believe the sick bastard kept it. I managed to keep my icy façade in place, but inside my heart was shredding itself and with every minute that passed I wished to the skies they would just take out their blasters and shoot, that the earth will open up and swallow me, that the chandelier on top of my head would fall and break my neck, shatter my ribs. None of it happened and I could feel Erebus' gaze boring into me as his impatience wore off.

"Kill her, Black." He ordered anew. "Prove to them you're not like that. Prove to them that you're my perfect soldier." What if I didn't want to be? "That you have no weakness!" Lie! I wouldn't be here if that was the case! "Kill her and become my right-hand, my general; my angel of Death." Raven's breaths deepened; became heavier and she was fidgeting slightly her left-hand swinging. She honestly thought I was going to kill her.

Because you've told her so yourself, remember?!

'... And if you think that for one minute I would hesitate to kill you should I even suspect for a single nanosecond that you're a threat to them I will pull the trigger, conscience and morals, be damned!' I almost laughed out loud at the irony of that statement. There I was asked to do exactly that.

Kill her, my Raven. I have to kill her! I stepped forward. She stood her ground her eyes penetrating me. Kill her. You have to. You must!

Don't do it! A part of me argued, begged a matter of fact. Don't do it, please! I couldn't bear the thought of that statement, it cut too deep.

So I stood there, knife in hand staring in her golden gaze as her eyes scorned me; her furious sapphire eyes accusing me of betrayal; calling me every name imaginable and more.
Why? I silently asked. Why? You already knew I was the bad guy. I warned you! I am a command assassin, so what did you expect? Time was running out, if I didn't land the killing blow it was going to be too late and then we'll all die. I couldn't, absolutely couldn't allow that to happen. But I couldn't kill her either! I couldn't!

It was at that very moment I was hit with a deplorable verdict.

I love her. Why else wouldn't I be able to end her? I love her and I will save her; I'll save them all.

I lunged at Raven then pinning her to a faraway wall, a blind spot for all of them I had come to realise. I cut her clothes and skin just enough to bleed and sting a little. "What are-?" I silenced her when I pretended to stab her.

"Scream." I hissed and plunged the knife into my own skin our bodies pressed together so that they wouldn't be able to tell whose blood it really was; it poured everywhere. "Fall," I ordered, forcing her, gently, down as I placed a tiny device on her skin, which would disguise her heartbeat and breathing while pretending to check for a pulse. I stared at her for what I'd thought would be the last time trying to memorize her features, the way her hair fell over her face, the way she looked whenever she teased me, the way she – I stood up, covering my wound with my coat as the beauty of the colour black did the rest of the work for me. I spun to the others trying to commit them all to memory, going through all that we've achieved and experienced together. I'm going to miss you. I said silently.