Amy here! Obviously my friends can't be assed to come online and write a chapter with advice to the people. So... Amy has to do it! Of course. Have you noticed this? In, like, every chapter there is a "Amy helped me with this chapter ^_^" side note.
'Cause YEAH, I DID.
And before I go on and explain how to permanently wreck a guy, crush his heart, deflate his ego and make sure he never talks to you again, I'd like to mention something.
HowGirlsThink. They are one of the main reasons why I decided to make HoesInWatterland. It's just one fan of HowBoysThink pretending to be five body-doubles of them. There is always the dumb one (Dean), the bad-ass (Brandon), the cool one (Reece), the geek (Roger) and the one that enjoys boys that little too much (Clyde.) Except... He likes the opposite.
Like seriously? What are you guys expecting? Them to fall head over heels in love with you and send you a message saying, "You are just like me! We should go out!" or something? ...Seriously.
We're legit people. Slightly weird, most certainly different, and definitely real. Now... Crazy-Amy is gonna teach you how to... do something! *smiles*
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We've all had that one guy that wont leave us alone (unless you're eleven and find boys gross). That one person that just won't leave us alone no matter how much we tell them to "Piss off, dipshit!" We know the type, the clingy girlfriend in boy-form. Or maybe you're just too nice and don't want to hurt them - I'll help you too! I'm splitting this into two categories: The Ass Technique and The Dumb-Blonde Technique. Both equally effective.
The Ass Technique (no butt-use required):
When he comes up to you, look to your friends and go, "I told you, I have a stalker. Hehehehex100."
When he smiles at you, say, "I. Hate. You." and turn away.
If you've ever slept with him (a main cause for the clingy effect) go up to him the next time you see him and tell him how small his penis is. Not quietly, either. Shout that sucker to the world. "OMG, remember that time we hooked up? Your penis is soo small!" Look to his friend and say, "His penis is, like, sooo, like, small!" 'like' you're an idiot.
Plan your wedding, name your babies and tell him you want the wedding ring pre-ordered by next monday.
Order him around like you're paralysed.
Tell him that if he wants you he has to give up all his bros and best friends. Your love is all he needs, right?
If he still doesn't mind. If he actually likes your future and pre-orders the ring... MOVE TO BLOODY AUSTRALIA. AND DON'T LOOK BACK. (If you live in Australia, then you're fucked.)
The Dumb Blonde Technique:
Blow him off nicely whenever he asks to hang out, block his facebook and his phone number - he'll never find out. If he does get suspicious, say, "Awh shit! You too?"
If he asks you out ask if your 'boyfriend' can come along.
If this somehow doesn't work, be a pig. Go be a pig on your date! Buy a crapload of food, stuff it in your mouth and don't you hesitate to flirt with that hot Waiter!
...Or the old man drinking water and eating peanuts.
Make sure you tell him that you're the full package. Herpes included.
Make awkward conversations and zone out when he's talking. When he asks if you're alright say something like, "Sorry. I was just getting a call... In my mind."
If that doesn't work...
MOVE TO BLOODY AUSTRALIA. AND DON'T LOOK BACK. (If you live in Australia, then you're fucked.)
Vote, comment and fan.
-Amy Out!
(Note by Arabella: PMFSLLLLLLLLLLLLLL. Sorry just had to do that. >_> <_<)
