Finding Myself (Sequel to Love is Forbidden)

Chapter 13

---Miyuki---

I was frozen at his words. I couldn't move, I couldn't speak, I could do nothing.

The words he just spoke... I didn't have to look at him to find out whether he was telling the truth or not I could tell just from the sound of his voice.

Images flashed into my mind, images of long ago when Syo and I were together, all the moments we shared, the way he use to smile at me... And those eyes.

I said nothing before I yanked myself out of his grip and carried on walking away without him.

He can't do this! He can't say these things to me! No! Just not now... Not ever!

I shut down my thoughts before my walk turned into a run, and then a sprint as I ran further and further away.

No, no, no! This isn't happening! I thought as I continued running, I don't even know where I'm going, I just need to get away!

I don't know how long it was but I don't think it was too long before I couldn't do it anymore, I lost all strength in my legs and I collapsed to the ground.

I felt tears streaming down my face as I cried and cried and cried.

Why... Why does it hurt so much when I think about Syo? Why does it hurt when I think of his apology? Why does it hurt when I think about Eiichi? When I think about my career? About my mum... About my dad... About Hisako...

Why does everything hurt!? Why do I feel like my life is just a mess? Like nothing is going right?

I let more tears spill down my face as I curled up into a ball, as if it was some way of defending myself... As if I could hide from all the pain around me.

Everything just seems wrong... I don't know what to do anymore... What to feel?

How can I continue loving Eiichi when I've heard that? How can I choose between the two? I don't even deserve either of them...

What am I supposed to do? I can't just continue moving on and making music when I... When I...

I don't know.

~

---3rd person---

The moment Miyuki ran off, Syo knew that he couldn't run after her again.

He had said all he could, all he was able to and now, he needed to let her decide for herself.

And in the end, he really can do nothing about her decision but pray she makes the right one.

Yes, Syo loved Miyuki so, so much. But if she didn't want to be with him even after he told her of his feelings, of course he wasn't going to force her, how could he?

He loved her too much for that.

But what he didn't know, was how all this was affecting Miyuki.

She’s had so much happen to her, nothing in her life was easy, and now well everything was confusing.

She didn't even notice the sky begin to turn around her, she didn't notice the rain that was now freely falling, she didn't notice the thunder that filled her ears nor the lightening in the sky.

Her mind had been taken over by thoughts. Thoughts of everything, she was beginning to get so lost in them that she noticed nothing around her. Flashes filled her mind, flashes of everything.

When she was just a child, the way she use to run around, playing with Hisako, the way she use to play and sing with her father, the way her mother use to smile every time she saw her little girls face.