Let me in (Lams AU) [On hold (?)]

Chapter 12

So, there is a detailed scene of how Alex feels.

I detailed it based on my own thoughts, making it a bit more realistic. I feel like I should warn you, it gets pretty dark.

This chapter is kind of all over the place, forgive me.

Stay safe.

Alexander's POV

My breathing is heavy. Oh my god, I shouldn't have lost my temper like that. I yelled at them. I spoke in front of them.

Oh. Shit.

"Alex.. you can talk?" Lafayette stuttered out after a moment of silence. I crossed my arms and coiled, turning my head to the side to avoid the stares.

Two fingers and my thumb clapped together, "No." They all obviously heard me, but I was hoping it was a dream. My arms dropped to my side as I found the floor interesting, burning holes into it.

"Guys, he'll explain when he's ready to." John calmly broke the silence, but had the ghost of a glare in his face as he stared at everyone.

"Okay.." everyone muttered, leaving the room. I leaned my head on Johns shoulder after everyone left.

"Alex, it's okay." John gently wrapped his arms around me, pulling me into a comforting hug.

Shortly after, we walked back to our dorm. John went to take a shower and I sat on my bed, legs curled up to my chest and my arms on my knees, head resting in my arms. No one knows the reasons, it's fine. But it's not. I kept trying to push out the thoughts but they kept coming back stronger and louder.

I wanted to sit in the corner of the room and die. Just stay in the corner, not moving, eating, sleeping. Just waiting for death to consume me like a blanket. Only someone slowly placing a blanket over you when you are close to unconsciousness. Like wheels of a roller skate breaking and causing you to fall to the floor of death. The wheels of life rolling farther as you lie on the floor, slowly slipping away.

Safe to say, or not safe, I broke under all the weight. I let out a strangled sob, burying my face farther into my knees.

"God you're so stupid!" I hissed at myself, words struggling out between sobs. I don't deserve the good I've been given in life. I deserve to suffer. I'm useless. Worthless. Conventional. Disgraceful. It all hit me like a brick. Falling on to me like a building.

I was sobbing so loud I couldn't hear the shower turn off. I didn't hear anything but the voices in my head. It was only when I was pulled into a hug I realized everything.

I felt the familiar embrace of John and clung to him, sobbing into his chest. John lightly started petting my hair, soothing me slightly.

"It's too much.. I-I can't carry this anymore.." I whispered, "wonder what it's like to be alright.." stuttering like a madman. John gently placed his hand under my chin and looked me in the eyes.

"Alex, it's going to be okay. I'm going to help the best I can. I love you and would do anything for you." John cooed, planting kisses all across my face. I was less tense and John pulled me into his lap.

"I'm sorry.." my voice, barely above a whisper, cracked. I had silent tears slipping down my face as John comforted me.

I'm broken. I silently thought to myself, sentence repeating over and over again.

John's POV

I silently held Alex as I observed his actions and facial features. He looked so torn inside, like everything was toppling in him and slowly killing him.

I attacked his face with kisses, making sure he knew I love and care for him. He gently placed his head on my chest and stopped crying. I gently rubbed his back and had my other arm wrapped around his waist, holding him tightly like he would turn to dust.
(Turn to dust.. Marvel fans know what I'm referencing. I'm sorry. Okay that was another quote, my apologies. Carry on!)

I looked down and noticed he had fallen asleep. I smiled at how peaceful he looks when sleeping.

I leaned back and pulled a blanket over us. I turned to where I was spooning Alex and felt my eyelids fall heavy until I fell asleep.

/{•-•}\ Time Skip From An Awkward Bean /{•-•}\

No one's POV

Hidden from Alex and John, there was a storm not too far away heading towards them.

Alex woke up to the sound of thunder and lightning, along with rain forcefully pouring down. Needless to say, Alex was sent straight into panic mode as he jumped out of bed. He found a different blanket on the floor and hide his entire body from the world, trying to block out the noise and calm down.

This just was not his day.

John woke up to whimpering and mumbling from a different language. He heard the storm outside and the rain along with it. It took less than a second for John to spring into action, finding Alex and pulling him into a tight hug. 

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Okay, stay tuned for next time ;)

How'd you enjoy this chapter? Hope you enjoyed it well!

I'll be signing off for the rest of the day to take time for myself.

Have a good day/night!

Love y'all,
Mads ❤️