My first times

My first date

2018. March 17.

I haven't wrote about winter, have I? Unfortunately it has come to an end but it didn't vanished yet. Although it's March, it snowed a day ago.
Strangely I feel like just the same as the nature at that state where you could see the little flowers in frost and cold wind, as the porcelain petals rustling in the crispy air.

And I think Simon could see it too. 
Looking back... Simon is a wonderful person and I'm glad that I happened to meet him and

I can call him a friend. I didn't regret at all going on a date with him. It was the perfect first date I could ever have.

He was waiting for me and for a moment I froze and just watched him. Like the last time he could stare me without notice, so I grabed this chance. He wore a seemingly thin jacket, I could see his breath from this far, his greenish eyes laying on the Danube and the Chain Bridge. I was a bit scared since I wasn't drunk and I didn't have the thirst to hurt anyone. I was just a scared girl. Scared of things, Simon pointed out later.

But I had to move, stepped off the street crossing the road.
- Hey! Simon! - I called out to him.
- Hannah. - he parted his lips as he turned around and drawed them into a handsome smile. I could tell, he liked what he saw: me. His eyes lit up and offered his arm. - My lady.
- Thanks. 

Then he led me to a little, but cosy cafe where actually a cat hypnotised me and stole my heart. Just starting with the fact that his name was Felix, and his fur was between orange and red like a cute fox wandering around to get some love very successfully because nobody could resist him.

Simon got jealous of coures but I have to admit he's the dark prince one could imagine herself (or himself I don't know...). He's so polite, referring to me as my lady like a true knight and he was all ears to whatever I said and the same time... like the time...
We got our cakes and coffe we ordered, and out of nowhere he asked:
- If in this very moment the apocalyps would be upon us. Let's say a bunch of zombies attack us. What would be the first thing you would do? - and after a few minutes later - If you could be any terryfing creature, in which form would you scare the hell out of your boss?

Needless to say that the only reaction he could get from me is laughing hard and repeating the same sentence (which was I don't know) all the time but we had fun. 

After we finished we decided on going for a walk and it turned out to be a little longer when I had the idea to even go up to Gellert Hill.
Just a few tourists had the courage to walk up there in this awful weather.

The last time I was here dated back to my childhood. In my memories it took definately more than ten minutes. I remember that my father picked up me and I could see the world from his shoulders. I wonder if back then... did
they use to hunt vampires too?

- It's nice, isn't it? - I asked.
- Yeah. Magical.
- Do you believe in magic?
- What do you consider magic?
- You tell me. - I smiled and bit my lip slightly.
- Okay. - he stepped closer, looked into my eyes. Oh how I love winter! This cold, this silence! Everything's so still, and I can clearly see the emotions lurking in his gaze. - I think love can be magical.
- Yeah, well, maybe it is. But what else?
- Let me see... In a way, everything what exists. Life is wonder.
- And, what is ours? From all of this, what do we really possess?
- What do you mean by that?
- Oh, honestly... I... do you think we possess anything in this world?
- Do we need to? You know illusions are the best. Weed is about illusion, love is about illusions.  All of these make us delusional, so what? Emotions can change the truth.
- And after that? What comes after we lived?
- Since I'm an atheist I don't believe in afterlife or heaven or any of that. And you? Are you religious?
- Yes, I am. But maybe you're right and maybe I am too. Religion can be an illusion, so according to you illusions are the best.
- That's a good one. - he said laughing and kissed me. Or at least tried because somehow it broke the atmosphere. I backed off, breathing heavily.
- Sorry, I'm not good with illusions. Sorry.
His smile faded.
- So...do you like someone else?
- No, I don't...I don't think so.
He seemed confused.
- Really? You can't lie, Hannah. Look at your red cheeks.
- What? No, it's just the cold or something.
- Liar.
We both knew, I just had to admit.
- Sorry.
- Kazimier? Is it him?
- Him? - I looked up but that was a mistake. Simon smiled bitterly but not at all grudgingly and hugged me.
- It is him, then. But I swear, if he treats you bad, come to me. I'll wait for you. - he said, and kissed me on my forehead. - Until then let's be friends, okay?
- Thank you.

Illusions.
They make you warm in the cold.
Where there's nothing else.
But...am I scared of them?