What Do You Want From Me?

Sea Saw on the Sea Shore

"Ted? Ted?? Ted!! TED!"

I shake my head from side to side, leaving my trance of soft leaf-covered soil, and forests filled with monstrous trees. 

"Yes, Caroline?"

"Are you going to be okay?  I know you act it, and I know it has been some time, but she was a large part of your life. Are you sure you are past it and don't need to talk anymore?"

"Yes, Caroline. I am truly fine and my only goal now is to move on with someone new. I mean hell if I don't find anyone I will still have hobbies I could partake in right?"

She shakes her head at me, clearly not believing a word that falls out of my mouth. She always had a way of knowing when I was tossing out bullshit more than the others. 

"You know you are allowed to hurt right?  You are allowed to cry it out. Just because you are a man doesn't mean you can't use my shoulder to cry on." Caroline smirks at me, knowing that I will not listen to her advice outwardly, but also knowing that she knows I know she is right. 

I smile at her and then feel my smile falter, "I know you are right, but you should also know that I am known to bury my issues, deep underground where no one can get to them, including myself." 

Her smirk fades and a sad expression falls across her brow. I know that she wants nothing more than to help me, and I know that I should let her, but I'm in too deep at this point. I found a way of healing even if it is fleeting, but it helps and contains the pain that takes over later at night when no one else is there to help me. 

I reach across the table and touch her arm, "Healing takes time, but I promise I got it handled alright? You don't have to worry about me, life has been tough since day one, and I always make it to the next day. You have enough going on as-is, you don't need to add me to the list of strays alright?"

She smiles a half-smile and then slides her notebook over to me and proceeds to ask me about the legalities behind fraud and identity theft defense. I smile my smiles and give her the help, but I can feel my nerves twitch under the table, waiting to escape back to the mountains that allow me to bury all my deep-rooted issues.