What Do You Want From Me?

Who Was I?

If I were to start off my story from where I am right now, sitting in a jail cell, waiting for the love of my life to come convince me I'm worth it, you wouldn't at all want to read the rest of the story. So therefore I am going to take you back to before my life went downhill into a spinning barrel of bad choices and shitty memories. Before my heart had been played so hard the strings of a violin would have caught fire before the symphony had ended. Before the ticks, before the urges, before the longing for pain that can only be described as unhealthy but perfect all at the same time. Don't worry I'll fill you in on the fires of my shitty love life, but for now, let's do a quick run through of the simple days, before my heart was damaged and well....completely fucked. 

My childhood and everything into early adulthood was fine. But you see maybe that was the problem...it was just fine. Not good, not great, not straight up bad, just fine. There were no amazing moments that created stories that must be told at every family events, and there wasn't any bad events that was to be said with a hushed tone, breathed out under the sweaty lip of the drunk uncle. 

School was also just fine. I was a good student with simple friends, no one crazy, no one amazing, no one perfect, just fine. I was athletic, but not an athlete. I was attracted to some of the girls in my class, but did I date them...you guessed it, no. I was top ten in the grade books, but not top two. I was funny, but not too funny. I was bad tempered, but not too bad tempered. I was fine. Just fine. My growing up experience was fine, just fine.

It wasn't until college started that my life started to take a turn for something better. Something more exciting. It wasn't until college that I knew what love was, or what heartbreak was. It wasn't until college that I got the ticks. That I felt the urges that made my life an absolute rush, and you can bet your ass I was no longer...well you know it, fine.