andromeda // matty healy au

I Wanna Get Better

During a lull after the show, Rae and I found ourselves outside the club.  My eyes clung to her as she held a thin cigarette to her lips and then blew out a silvery cloud of smoke.  I exhaled and noticed a similar cloud from my mouth, but it was because it was chilly this evening.  We both wore windbreakers and had an extra pair of sweatpants to throw on before walking into the chill outside.  Rae had left a red lipstick stain on her fingers when she pulled her hand away from her mouth.

"So,"  I broke through the silence between us, "how did you tell your husband that you worked at the club?"  Rae coughed because she was taken back by my question.  Her eyes opened wider and she lifted an eyebrow at me.

"You still haven't told that boy, have you? Honey, you've got to if you want to go out with him.  Like, I said, honesty is the way to go."  She placed a manicured hand on my arm.  "Look, my husband wasn't always okay with me in this line of work at first."

"Really?  I mean, it seemed like he was."  I was surprised because sometimes Jared would come in and visit her before her shift started and wish her good luck. I hadonly met him a handful of times but he would often bring her baked goods or a coffee to get her through the show.  He was her support system and they warmed my heart.

"Well, we were still dating at the time, but I told him I had applied at a few different clubs.  He was shocked that I would take up such a..."  she struggled for the word, "provocative form of dance."  She took another drag from her cigarette. 

"He was surprised that I wasn't going into physiotherapy, since I was just finishing my degree, and he was concerned for my safety because of the rowdy guys." She shivered a bit as she flicked the tip of her cigarette. "On top of that, there's the fact that his wife's good parts would be on display for all, which he wasn't too fond of either."

We both let out a single laugh.

"But," she continued, "one night, I sat him down after dinner.  I told him why I was interested in performing, the safety measures that the club had put in place for the dancers and how much I would make on average in a weekend.  I also laid down the law and said that it was my body, and he couldn't convince me not to try it."

"I bet that shut him up a bit."  I smiled.

"A bit, but he still voices his concerns every now and then."  She stomped out her cigarette and walked past me to open the side entrance of club, "but then one night he saw me perform.  I still remember how he said I was shining on stage."

She fondly looked back on the memory.  "That was a long time ago, though.  Since then, he's able to work a few less hours and help out his sister more often.  She's a single mum and he lends a hand by picking her twin girls up from ballet twice a week.  Sometimes Jared'll make dinner for them if his sister is late coming home."

"Wow, Rae, that's so nice of him to help her out."  I said.  I knew Jared was a caring husband, but I didn't realize how much he did for Rae and his own sister.  "The girls are dancers, eh?"  I asked.

"Yeah," Rae smirked, "maybe they'll perform just like their aunt.  Or who knows. Maybe at a club or a theatre or on a broadcasted talent show."

"I'll look out for them on TV."  I said as she held the door open for me, and we both wandered inside.

-

My next work shift was the cafe.  I trudged to the front door in my black loafers.  Yesterday was my recovery day from the club, but I was still so tired from sleeping in too long the last morning.  I ended up staying in bed until 2pm, which did me no favours.  I saw Frances' truck pull into the lot, and she could already tell I was tired.

"Morning, doll,"  she touched my arm gently, "I can get a pot of coffee on the go if you start wiping down tabletops, alright?"  She scanned my face and I knew what she saw: a pale face, purple bags under my eyes, and dry cracked lips.  I wasn't sure if I would be able to make it through the next 8 hours, but if worse comes to worst, Frances may let me leave early.  She was understanding like that.

As I finished the preliminary chores of sweeping, wiping, and disinfecting,  Frances asked me if there was anything on my mind.

"How are you, Celeste?"  she slid a warm mug of joe across the counter.

"Have you ever had to tell someone some bad news?  I have something to tell my friend, but I don't know how he'll take it."  I took a sip from the mug, "I just want to be honest, but I don't want to hurt any feelings, you know?"

"Oh, of course, I know, dear."  Frances had her cup full of Red Rose tea, and I know she had put about 15 spoons of sugar into it.  "I always find the best thing to do when confessing something is to bake them something.  Then when you tell them, it will give them something nice to try and take their mind off of the bad news. Like those cupcakes..." She trailed off and her eye shot wide open.

"Does it work?"  I asked.  I knew Frances was a good baker, but is she good enough to help comfort people during a hard time? Would I be a good enough baker?

"It worked when I was younger. I used that trick a lot."  She laughed a bit and continued, "I actually used it once to break up with someone.  That probably wasn't the best thing to do because he didn't know that we had broken up and called me the next day."  She shrugged and asked what bad news I was planning on confessing.

"Well, Frances,"  I started, awkwardly shifting my weight around.  "I haven't told you either.  It's a secret."

"Oh, wow."  She was suprised and leaned away from me.  "I thought we had told each other everything, but, I get that, you need to have some privacy, I suppose."

"Don't get me wrong Frances, I will tell you soon,"  I reached out for her hand.  "I'm not ready yet.  I'm doing my best to find the right way to do so."

"I guess when you're ready you'll be knocking at my door with a cake in hand."  She howled at her joke, which urged a laugh out of me as well. "Or maybe those red velvet cupcakes again?"

"I will, don't worry.  Thanks for being so patient with me."

"I love you, hun, take all the time you need."

"I love you, too, Frances."