I Want To Know (ON HOLD)

Capitol Punishment and Tax Frauds

"He's not just being haram, he's being ultra haram." Ismael whispered as we walked out of the theatre.

I kept quiet not wanting to say the other things I knew about him. I didn't want to cloud their image of him. If they knew the other things, would they still look at him the same?

Mihirmah dropped me home and I walked in, sad to see the sunset fading away quietly, without making a single noise. 

Just like me.

As soon as I walked in Daneen was waiting for me anxiously. "Where have you been, we have an appointment for 6:30 at the Boutique! My wedding is 6 months away, and my favorite sister is nowhere to be seen". She fake pouted.

"Correction. Your only sister." I raised an eyebrow as she pushed me out the same door I had just walked in, our mother behind us.

After picking up my sister's best friend, Hira, and Aleezay, our cousin, we drove to the one and only Pakistani bridal boutique in the entire upstate area. 

In the car we played some desi music as my mom drove. I felt much better with my loved ones close to me. I was almost free of my worries.

We arrived just in time for our appointment and each picked out a different bridal dress for Daneen to try on. I picked up one with a heavy faun top which was full sleeves, and a velvet length with some of the same accents on it from the top. The dupatta was velvet too and I thought it would look really good on her.

After we had all chosen a lengha for Daneen, we shoved her inside a dressing room and impatiently waited for her to come outside. 

She came outside wearing my mother's suggestion first. 

"Woahhhhhhhh" We all chorused and my mother started "MashAllah-ing".

It was completely gold, but a super light gold in a way and had a boat neck, the dupatta boasted a deep red swirled in with the gold.

Daneen made a face. "I don't like it." We immediately laughed. She was the pickiest person and we knew we'd be here for a while.

She ended up liking the idea of velvet and the color maroon, since we had all pretty much went that way. But she like the idea of a longer over dress, with a slit down the middle from the bodice so that the lower skirts could be exposed and decided she wanted that in maroon velvet, and let the underskirt be the gold color my mom wanted. Daneen also wanted a v-neck from the dress that Hira had picked out, and the beaded edges from the dupatta that went with the lengha Aleezay picked. 

So we just gave a custom order and left content with the idea that one dress was down and we only had 3 more to go.

Yes. 3 dresses to go. I groaned when I realized that and got caramel corn thrown in my face but whatever.

Inevitably, we ended up playing Monopoly and then screaming at each other, (mostly me), and it ended with Aleezay and Hira getting into a debate on capitol punishment while Daneen cheated her way out of jail, and I'm pretty sure my mom was making tax frauds but let's not get into that.

I excused myself to answer a phone call from Yusuf. I went into the sunroom and answered it. "Yusuf?" 

"Ahlam, leave Caroline alone." He said in the most stern way ever. It sent a literal shiver down my spine.

"What the heck do you mean you piece of bacon?" I angrily voiced using the worst insult I could think of. "I said no such thing to your girlfriend. And if you're going to call me just to yell at me like you've been doing, and then avoid me, and not ask me if I'm well or what I'm going through, then it's better to not call me at all." I spat as I hung on him. 

It hurt to realize that I was just wary of talking to him now. So I decided to keep my distance. If he was going to hurt me and not even realize it, maybe not even care, then he could stay away from all he'd like. Sure, I was petty, but he was literally taking over my head. I couldn't stop thinking of his harsh comments that were so undeserved.

If he wanted new friends, he wouldn't have to ask twice, or at all even.

///

There was only week left till Winter Break and I was exhausted. Midterms were last week, and I had gotten undeniably sick. It was absolute hell.

It had been 2 weeks since Yusuf last called me and Safaa, Ismael, Mihirmah and I were closer than ever, afraid that another one of us would leave. Yes, we'd come to the conclusion the Yusuf had ultimately left us. He only confirmed it when he wouldn't bother to say even a small hello.

To top it off, he didn't come to Ismael's basketball tournament. I had never seen Ismael break down like he did afterwards.

Because we were all going through hell in our own ways. He hadn't left me, he had left us.

At first he was all we'd talk about. Yusuf did this, or he did that. Then we realized it wasn't worth it. So we stopped.

Still, I missed him. I missed his smile, and his unkept hair that managed to always curl and his warm brown eyes that felt like home. 

Now they were filled with hostility.

///

"I was the one who loved you even though you gave me a thousand reasons not to." -Unknown