Ishihara // ATEEZ ✔

22 Trap-ped

It was most definitely an order from the queen, but he couldn't deny that he was surprised that the queen didn't kill him straight away. She had wanted him to suffer and not just have his life end immediately. The prison is the most perfect place to do that. He has lost his sense of time, but he knows that it's useless to know. His fate has been sealed and it's only a matter of time before he starts losing himself for real.

---

Hongjoong knows that look in her eyes, and at this moment, it's not a good one. This is exactly not what they needed. As he anticipates her next move, he finds himself almost lunging at her, grabbing her arm. He did it gently, but he makes sure that his grip is firm. "You are not going anywhere, young lady. You are especially not going back to Lucida."

Akira stares at him, as if challenging him to a fight. Seonghwa and Jongho look on nervously, knowing that them intervening is not a choice. She narrows her eyes, shrugging off his grip. He lets go and she doesn't move. "My lieutenant is about to die soon and you're telling me to stay put? I was not raised to be a disloyal friend."

"It could be a trap," Hongjoong calmly replies as his hand brushes his scar. "You just got to safety and you're about to jump into another suicide mission."

"It's not a trap; the horse is really distressed about it." Seonghwa tries to offer, but the blacksmith glares at him as if to say, 'You better shut your mouth before I shut them for you.' and he sheepishly presses his lips together.

"Right now, in the entirety of Lucida, I will not bat an eye if anyone were to ever die," she says without emotion. "And that includes the queen. But I will not let his life go to waste because of me. He tried to warn me but he forgot that he is still in the queen's clasps. He got caught and is paying the price. If you ever know-" Her voice becomes sharper, trying to make a point. "-or experience how life is like in prison, you would think that even death is a more attractive choice."

"I understand where you're coming from." His eyes flick from the horses to her. "But we are not going back to Lucida."

"We are not going back without a plan," Jongho adds. "Sometimes he has a hard time of getting straight to the point and end up wasting time," he whispers, referring to Hongjoong.

The blacksmith tries all his might to stop himself from rolling his eyes. Instead when he feels he's failing, he turns around, bringing the horses together and continuing with the journey. Seonghwa gives a little smile. "What he said was true and we can't just barge into the kingdom right now. It's almost night and we can always crack a plan at the palace. We need as much help as we can get."

"That is what I have been trying to say," she grumbles. "I never said I would actually run back to Lucida now. I know better than to do that. Hongjoong made it sound like he was trying to forbid me from going back at all. He could have just mentioned about having plans first."

He chuckles softly, his irises turning slightly yellow - he's amused. "He has trouble getting his point across at the very beginning sometimes. It might even take a whole 10 minutes for him to actually say that he wants to eat."

She fakes an exaggerated sigh. "One does not know how to get his point across, while another says without thinking sometimes," she eyes Seonghwa, subtly referring to him.

"Hey, I'm trying to be a better person. I don't have-"

"-the best social skills. I figured that out when you practically drowned yourself among the flowers and got mad at me because I didn't admire them."

"That was a long time ago."

"It was 3 days ago. And just because it was a few days ago doesn't mean it didn't hurt."

"I said sorry, I really am," his voice turns panicky, as if he realized he has made a mistake again.

She smirks. "I'm joking. Come on, I have to be tougher than that, shouldn't I? Your mild words don't hurt me at all."

"And I really am sorry," he says slowly as he strokes the horses. They neigh while burying their faces in his neck, clearly comfortable with his presence. He smiles like a father proud of his child's first day at school. "I was... shocked actually, to find out that you're a soldier."

"Why? Because I appear weak to you?"

"No, because I know that I can never be on the same level as you."

"Ah, right. I forgot that I'm a servant." She looks down, a little disappointed with his words. She might have forgotten about it when she's in Nyla, but the truth is still there. Their blood colours represent their hierarchy, no matter how much they say they don't care about it. "You and I are different, aren't we?"

"How sure are you that I'm not also a servant like you? You can't actually see my blood colour, can you?" He stretches his arms, showing the rest of his body post-battle. His body relatively remained unscathed, unlike hers, besides small cuts on his hands. She sees some blood oozing out but he's right; she can't tell the colour. He searches her face, looking for a reaction. She doesn't give any. "You sure do know how to wear your poker face. I guess that's one of the criteria to be a soldier over there, isn't it? Anyway, that wasn't what I meant. What I meant was; you must have faced thousands of battles and saw numerous dead bodies haven't you? Yet even having witnessed all of that you still go on strong. Meanwhile, I see some and I still can't forget them until this day. I use that as an excuse for my behaviour towards other people."

"Strong, huh?" She sighs. "If you're looking for someone that represents the word, I'm definitely not it. I get nightmares once in a while. I see them in my dreams. All the people I've killed... they always haunt me."

Seonghwa's mind travels back to the incident 17 years ago. A bloodied incident that would remain in his mind for as long as he lives. He stops walking, and beside him, Akira follows suit, looking at him quizically. He asks, "Then how do you forget about it?"

She looks at him with the ghost of a sad smile on her lips before replying, "You don't. Once you see your first you will never get over it. The nightmares will start getting blurry as they mix with each other. You are trapped in your own prison, unable to get out. Even without colours, the images are so vivid I don't want to know how it will look like with them. You either learn to live with it, or you will find yourself consumed by your own guilt."