Moving Through The Waves

Five

I woke up in a cold sweat as per usual, my heart hammering inside my chest.
The darkened shadow's around my new bedroom didn't particularly help me to feel at ease.
But, the gentle snoring and deep breathing from Knox, who was sharing my brand new double bed, was comforting.
Nobody will hurt me.
Knox won't let them.
I tried to convince myself.
I pushed up into a sitting position, rubbing the back's of my hand's over my burning eyes.
I'd been asleep, yet I still felt exhausted.
Looking around at my surrounding's, I tried to get my bearing's.
There were familiar thing's decorating the room, like my photograph's in frames hung up on the wall's, my saddle sitting on its rack in one corner and my lime green beanbag chair sitting in the opposite corner, under the window.
But this space wasn't mine.
Kylie and my Brother's had set it up for me in my absence, apparently optimistic I would one day find my way back to Reef Bay.
I didn't remember coming in here and falling asleep.
Somebody must have carried me.
Whoever it was didn't put my lamp on.
The darkness of the room had a nervewracking shiver crawling down my spine.
I squeezed my eyes shut and pressed the heel's of my hands against my eye socket's.
Snap out of it Bailey.
I tried to convince myself.
You're acting crazy.
I lowered my hand's, blinked against my slightly sore eyes and crawled to the side of the bed to reach over and turn my bedside lamp on.
A dim hue lit up the room and my heart automatically beat slightly easier.
Knox shifted on the bed, then settled down with a loud snore.
So much for the big guard dog.
It didn't take a genius to know that sleep wouldn't be my friend again any time soon.
The last five week's was evidence enough of that.
I tossed my blanket aside and slipped out of the bed.
I made a mental note to ask Kylie about how I'd suddenly been gifted with a double bed when previously my Brother's had always insisted I only needed a single.

The house was eerily quiet.
The floorboard's creaking under my footstep's had me jumping with almost quite literally every step.
The cool glass of water I was drinking only seemed to be waking me up even more.
Or, maybe it was just that I was jumping at every noise, convinced my attacker would appear out of nowhere.
The scuffling sound of something on the floorboard's outside the Kitchen caused me to spin around and face the doorway.
I wouldn't be snuck up on!
A fluffy pink figure moved into the doorway and my heart positively pounded in relief.
Kylie looked tired, but concerned as she slipped into the Kitchen, her equally pink and fluffy slipper's scuffing against the tiled flooring.
"I'm sorry!"
I squeaked.
"Did I wake you?"
"I'm a Mum, honey."
My Brothers' Mother smiled warmly.
"I wake up when there's movement in my House."
I dropped my gaze, feeling guilty.
"Are you okay?"
Kylie queried, her tone gentle and Motherly.
It was hard to believe that somebody so warm, gentle and caring was the Mother of eight boy's.
Well, they were basically all grown men now.
"I don't sleep very well anymore."
I confessed, slowly lifting my gaze to meet Kylie's eye.
"I'll try and be more quiet."
Kylie frowned.
"Honey, your health is my concern, not how stealthily you can get around the House."
I averted my gaze, clutching my glass tighter.
"How long have you been struggling with sleeping?"
Kylie asked, her tone laced with concern.
"Ever since..."
I didn't finish the sentence.
I couldn't.
"How often?"
Kylie asked, voice quiet.
"Every night."
I whispered, my throat tightening.
Kylie closed the distance between us and slipped my nearly empty glass from my hand's.
I blinked at her, unsure about what she wanted from me.
Wearing a small smile, but with eyes filled with sadness, my Brothers' Mum wrapped me up into a second warm hug in less than twenty four hour's.
I rapidly blinked, trying hard to not let myself cry on Kylie's shoulder.

"Bailey?"
Kylie asked once we were sitting in the lounge room, each holding a warm cup of Tea.
Slowly I lifted my gaze from my gently steaming drink to look at her face.
"How opposed would you be... to seeing a Psychologist?"
Kylie asked, her voice gentle.
I closed my eyes and breathed in deeply through my nose before exhaling a long breath.
"I've been down that road before."
I admitted, keeping my eyes closed.
"Do you feel it helped?"
It had.
Along with seeing a Nutritionist.
But this situation was different.
I didn't have eating issues because of my trauma this time.
I was just scared of everything.
"I guess... I'd possibly... be open to it..."
I whispered.
"I just think that if you've not been sleeping for this long, then you need to be able to talk to somebody. Somebody who is trained in helping in this kind of situation."
Kylie explained.
I slowly peeled my eyes open.
"I'm a basket case at the moment."
I muttered.
"You don't have to pretend it's not the truth."
Kylie frowned.
"You are not any such thing."
She denied.
"But you have experienced trauma and it's more than fair enough that it's going to take some time to deal with it."
I lifted my mug and sipped at my drink.
Perfectly milky and sugary.
Kylie certainly know's how to make the right comfort Cuppa.
"There's nothing to be ashamed of honey."
Kylie insisted.
"I know it's easy for me to say... but you just have to take it one day at a time."
She all but whispered.
I blinked against my sore eyes.
My body was exhausted, but my mind was far too wired to let me sleep.
"Is School on tomorrow?"
I asked.
Being away for 5 weeks and not having my phone, I was out of the loop.
"It is."
Kylie agreed.
"But you're definitely not expected to attend."
I wasn't sure if that was a good, or a bad thing.
Part of me thought going to School might help me think of other thing's than my hopelessness.
But, the rest of me had to wonder if I would even survive a day at School.
"It's the last week of Term three, in case you weren't aware."
Kylie explained.
"We'll get you seeing a Psychologist and see how thing's are going when Term four start's."
That gave me three week's to try and get my shit together.
But, that also meant that I'd missed around an entire half a term of School.
Did that mean I would even have passing grades?
I lifted my cup and swallowed another sip.
There was no point in thinking about it now...