So Close (a James Hetfield story)

Chapter 31

7/17/92 - RFK Stadium in Washington D.C.

The day was unbearably hot, an East Coast scorcher complete with high humidity. Today was the first day we would be joined by Metallica, and I'd spent the morning trying to distract myself until the van came to collect us from the hotel. I couldn't shake the mix of dread and anticipation that battled somewhere in my lower gut. I hadn't see James in six years and I had no idea how I'd react when I saw him. Would I be able to keep it together cool and casual, as if he hadn't completely blown my world apart? Or would I feel anger still? Would I feel anything at all? I half hoped that would be the case.

Looking at the clock I saw was it was time to go, so I grabbed my gear and headed down to the lobby to catch my ride. The crew was already at the stadium presetting the equipment, so the van carried the back-up band and those members of GNR who were not adamant about limo service. There was a buzz of conversation on the way to the venue, interest was piqued about the addition of Metallica to the tour.

"Those dudes party like nobody's business," the drummer Matt was saying from his seat in the back. "Drink like their lives depend on it. They even put us to shame."

"What about groupies?" one of the female brass musicians asked coyly; she always liked a little salacious gossip.

I wished I could block out the conversation, I didn't want to hear all about the women he'd fucked since the day he dumped me. Staring out the window, I tried hard not to listen.

"The stories I've heard"—I could hear the smirk in Matt's voice—"well they ain't choir boys by any means, far from it."

"Oh hell no," Gilby, our rhythm guitarist snorted. "They indulge in all the evils. I've heard they have the girls ready to go in the dressing room showers after the shows and well..." Suddenly he seemed to remember that there were women in the van. "You get the idea."

Yeah, I got that loud and clear. I'd worked hard to rebuild my life, but James was having no problem living his to the fullest. An image of him in the shower being washed by a harem of willing women flashed into my mind, and I was caught off guard by the sharp stab of pain in my chest. Squeezing my eyes tight, I willed back the tears that were threatening to spill down my cheeks.

We arrived at the stadium a few minutes later and I couldn't get out of the van fast enough. The show had already started and the opening band, my old friends Faith No More, could be heard echoing out across the venue. I just wanted to make it to the dressing room without running into James. Pulling down low the brim of the baseball cap that I'd thought to bring with, I blended in with the group as we made our way backstage. Fortunately, I didn't see any of the Metallica boys, but I did see enough of their crew moving around backstage to know it was only a matter of time before James and I met face to face.

I breathed easier once I was in the dressing room set aside for Roberta, Tracey, and myself; it wasn't large but there was enough space to for us to get ready, stretch and do our vocal warm-ups. Our make-up and costumes had already been set up and arranged, so I sat down and started on my hair, using a hot iron to create large curls before pulling the sides up and securing them with a sparkly clip at the crown so that the curls cascaded down my back. Next I applied my make-up, and for the girl who rarely wore a stitch of it growing up, I'd gotten pretty good at it over the years out of necessity. I had to go more heavy-handed than I would for normal evenings out, but I still tried to keep it as natural and fresh as I could. Except for the lipstick, I usually picked something bold and sexy to give the look a little more glamour.

While we got ready, the three of us would run through our vocal warm-up exercises and we had a huge repertoire of songs we'd do three part harmony on to loosen up for the show. Today it was a new song by En Vogue that we'd been playing around with, and it was a great distraction from the chaos in my head...at least for a little while.