Owen

Too Late

I had therapy mid day, which I didn't mind because it got me out of school early. But that also meant I wouldn't see Mina. I hadn't seen her since the day she burst into the office at lunch time. She hadn't come to school the next day and then it was the weekend. I didn't expect her to tell me anything but I wanted to know she was okay. She had completely overtaken my mind.

"Earth to Owen!" Sarah's face appeared in my line of sight.

"Huh?" I mumbled.

"Where are you today?" She asked, her usual smile spread across her face.

"What?"

She shook her head. "Never mind, lets finish up with the shoulder exercises we did the other day."

I looked up at her as she stood. "What were they again?"

She handed me a weight, it was only a couple of pounds. I wrapped my fingers around it as she guided my arm out and away from my body.

"Remember? Lower your arm and then up to shoulder height." She instructed.

Oh yeah, I remembered these. They sucked. It had left me sore for a couple days.

"Yeah." I muttered. "15?"

"15. Don't forget to breathe."

I made it to 15 for all three reps with my left arm. My right I got 12 the first rep and it went down hill from there.

Sarah was trying to explain the next exercise but my mind had already taken off.

"Can I ask you something?" I blurted, cutting her off mid sentence.

"Is it about the exercise?" She asked.

I shook my head, looking up at her. Sarah and I didn't have talks. She talked and I listened, sometimes. She had sobered up, the smile falling from her face for the first time, maybe ever.

"Sure."

My heart started bouncing around in my chest a little, knowing as soon as I asked the question Sarah would probably start assuming things. Which would more than likely be right but still.

"Do you know why Mina hates me?"

She let out a small chuckle, her smile returning. "She doesn't hate you."

I rolled my eyes, matching her chuckle with a snort. "Have you seen the way she looks at me? That's nothing but hate."

This time Sarah laughed. A huge smile on her face. But it was different than the one she normally wore. And it made me think that maybe Sarah wasn't really that obnoxious in real life.

"Okay, maybe she does." She finally agreed. "But that's something you'll have to ask her, I have no idea."

Of course. Wasn't that the way it always went.

"Ready to do the next one?" She asked.

For the first time ever in the presence of Sarah, I think I cracked a smile. "Yeah, but I wasn't listening." I confessed.

Sarah laughed, shaking her head. "What's new?"

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The weather was finally starting to break a little. Nan had the blinds pulled back, the front door open letting in the sunlight as she folded clothes in the living room.

I was bored.

And somehow in a good mood.

I couldn't believe I was about to admit it but I had actually enjoyed therapy. And Sarah. Even if she did make my arms feel like jello again.

"Hey Nan?" I asked, rocking the wheels of my chair back and forth a little.

"Hmm?" She didn't look up from where she was folding one of my shirts.

"What time are you leaving again?"

Her eyes met mine, an eyebrow raised. "Wanting to get rid of me?"

"No." That was the last thing I wanted. "Can we go for a walk?"

Her hands stilled, the folded shirt clutched in her hands. I thought maybe she might say something. That she might comment on the fact that I finally wanted to do something.

"A walk sounds wonderful Love."

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"Nan said you guys went for a walk?" My dad asked, later that night.

I shrugged, not answering. We were eating some pasta dinner from the crockpot Nan had put together earlier.

"I talked to U of M." He said.

My head flew up, my attention all his. "And?"

I knew better than to get my hopes up. But they were up anyway.

"I'm sorry bud." And just like that they came crashing down. "I couldn't give them a timeframe."

I slammed my eyes shut, my appetite gone in an instant. I knew keeping my scholarship was a long shot, that I'd lose it more than likely. But that didn't mean it didn't still hurt. All the time and energy spent working for it. It all didn't matter anymore.

"But hey, it's okay. They said you still have a spot at the school for fall." My dad added. "We'll just have to look at financing it."

It wasn't okay. Nothing about this was fucking okay. For a second today, I thought maybe, just maybe life didn't completely suck. But than reality had to go and rip the rug out from underneath me. I hit the ground so hard I wasn't sure I'd ever get back up.

"It'll work out Owen."

My eyes snapped open, all I wanted to do was run, get away from everything as fast as I could. But I couldn't.

I unlocked my wheels, rolling back from the table.

"Owen, buddy." My dad said.

I heard his chair scrap against the floor as I wheeled my way out of the kitchen. I wondered, not for the first time, the most efficient way to end my life, there wasn't much left of it anyway. I never would have thought I'd have those thoughts. And before my injury, I didn't understand people who did. But now, what was there to keep me going?

It was official, I'd lost everything.

"Hey, hey, hey!" I felt my dad's hands land on the back of my chair. I let him stop me, I was all out of fight. He rounded my chair, kneeling down in front of me. I kept my eyes down, the light catching his wedding band for a second. "Listen, Owen." He let out a sigh. "If you want to go to U of M, I'll make it happen."

"It doesn't matter." I mumbled, staring at his wedding band.

And it didn't. It wasn't just about going to U of M. And it wasn't just about playing soccer. It wasn't the fact that I knew my girlfriend was cheating on me. It was everything, an accumulation of everything I could no longer do. Everything I had worked my ass off for, gone, just like that.

"Yes it does." His words were fierce, something I never heard. My dad was always so middle of the road. "You're not allowed to give up too."

My eyes flicked to his. I didn't mean it. Not completely. But I said it anyway.

"Too late."