The Path to Love

Chapter 30

"You're right," she admitted softly.

"I know I am," I agreed. "Just because we have a kid on the way doesn't mean you have to put your life on hold. You can still go to university or do whatever you want to do, we just have to work out a schedule. Even though I'm going to be in college, I'm still going to help raise the kid, Sam. No matter how I may feel about you, that kid is always going to be my priority. I know you got early acceptance to university here and university in Fredericton and wherever else you applied. You can spend your first two years here and then transfer out when I'm done my course. I'll be able to raise the kid full time and by the time they're two, they won't have to be breast fed or whatever."

"You really expect me to leave the country with you raising our kid alone?" She asked me in horror.

"It's your decision. Like I said before, we talk it through, and we compromise. It's not like it's going to be a permanent thing. It'll only be long enough for you to get your degree and then come back. I'm not trying to hold you back, Sam. I want you to live your life and follow your dreams. If that requires me being a single father for a while, then so be it. But I'm telling you now, don't you ever try to keep my kid away from me. I will fight you on it and I will win. Our baby girl is just as much mine as she is yours and I have every right to see her. I know I'm going to be a good father, and I have no problem fighting you for custody if you even try to keep her from me."

"I get it Hunter, I learned my lesson okay. I will not try to keep our kid from you."

I smiled at her. "Good, I'm glad we are on the same terms."

"I don't really think you even gave me a choice," she said.

"No, you're right, I didn't. I'm not going to let you keep my kid away from me. You tried once already, and I'm not going to let it happen again."

"How many times do I have to say sorry before you forgive me for that?" She looked at me, her eyes filling with tears again.

"Sorry doesn't fix it, Sam. That's why I have this cast on my leg," I replied, pointing to my leg. "That's why that car accident happened, and I lost four points on my license. Sorry doesn't fix the months of memories I lost. It doesn't fix the fact you kept information about our kid away from me. Sorry doesn't fix that you stayed away from me because you were afraid of getting hurt. Sorry just means you're acknowledging you did something wrong, but it really doesn't fix anything."

"We've always been best friends Hunter, and I don't want to lose what we had."

"What did you expect to happen?" I asked her, looking into her eyes for an answer. "Weren't you the one that said if we had sex, we couldn't go back to just being best friends? We crossed the barrier Sam! What do you want to happen? I can't confess my undying love for you because I have no idea what I feel. The only thing I know for sure, is that you have caused me so much heartache ever since we fucked. You don't realize that your words hurt, what you say has an affect on me. You make me feel like I'm this horrible guy that craves nothing but sex. But did you ever ask yourself why I like sex so much? Did you ever stop to think that maybe I just want to feel that close connection with someone? I've been traumatized too, Sam. The events with your uncle traumatized me too, but I pushed it aside because I had to be there for you. The gang traumatized me when I saw them beating the living shit out of that guy, but I had to join because I didn't want to die! I've been there for you basically your whole life. I've pushed away my feelings to help you, I've gotten suspended like three times because I was defending your honour, I've beaten guys up because they came after you, Sam. I know I promised to protect you. How can I protect you when you're the one causing yourself the pain?

She was sobbing so much, but I wasn't done talking. I've held this in for months and I needed to get it off my chest. "We were best friends, you're right. You've become someone that even I don't recognize anymore. Maybe it's partly my fault because of the bet and knocking you up but, I can't take the blame for the horrible things you've said or done. You made the choice to say what you said and to keep the secret of the baby from me. I can't just sit here and pretend to be okay with your verbal assault or choices anymore, Sam. I don't know what you expect from me, but sorry doesn't cut it anymore, Sam. It doesn't. We can't even take a break because you're carrying my kid and I need to help you with that. We need to come up with something, but I don't have an answer about what to do."

I breathed in deeply as I finished my rant. Everything I was holding in the last few months and since I remembered everything was out in the open in front of us. I looked at her and she was holding her stomach. She looked at me and breathed in deeply. "I didn't know I hurt you this bad, Hunter. If I could take back everything I said, I would. But, like I said before the car accident," she paused and gasped in pain. "I will always protect this child. No matter what. I meant what I said."

"Yeah well, you don't have to protect her from me." I said to her softly.

"Right now, Hunter, I think I do."

"What do you mean, Sam."

"The doctor warned me about this, and I didn't listen. But now I need to." She gasped again in pain and held her stomach.

"Warned you about what, Sam?"

"The stress, Hunter. Us fighting is causing me to much stress and as a result, is stressing the baby out. I am officially in premature labour. I need you to bring me to the hospital." She screamed in pain then.

Tears rolled down her cheeks as she cried harder and grabbed her stomach in pain. "I am so sorry," I muttered.

"I deserve this," She said, crying again in pain.

"No, you don't, Sam."

"It hurts so bad, Hunter."

"I'm going to take you to the hospital, Sam. It's going to be okay."

I picked her up bridal style as she started to cry harder in pain. I ignored the pain in my leg and head and brought her to the car.

Shit.

I did this.

I did this.

I put her in the car and floored it to the hospital. I listened to her as she continued to scream and cry in pain. My leg and head would feel this pain later.

I did this to her.

I caused her this pain.

Damn it.