Young Woman Lost

Chapter 1.

          I guess I should first tell you about myself. My name is Serenity Monrae. My people and girls call me Ren or Rae but either one is fine. Don't ask for a last name, because it reminds me too much of my father. I mean, I love him and all. It's just some things that have happened still hurt to this day. He always had excuses for how he couldn't be in my life, but when I saw him in my other sibling's lives, I pretty much had washed my hands of him when I was younger. As I grew older, I yearned to know him and have a relationship with him. I was once again disappointed. See parents, they mess up and I feel like sometimes those mess ups can affect a child's life. I'll get more into that later.
I'm the  oldest on his side. I love my brothers and sisters so much. That will never change. I just hate I can't be around them 24/7. I just hope that everything I do, all the dreams I'm trying to achieve, all the goals I have in place, I do it so they know what success like. I don't want nor need them thinking it's easy to be successful out here. I want them to look at me and be like; " MY big sis is successful. There were times we saw her cry and get frustrated but we NEVER saw her give up. She wasn't perfect and never tried to be, and that's what I strive to be like. Like MY big sis." Just thinking about that gives me chills. I am my siblings keepers.
Anyways, I am 23 years old. I love music and I enjoy quiet time to myself. I am currently a college student and I want to open my own business. I want to open my own daycare learning development center. I love children. I don't have any of my own as of right now, but I'm the future, I do plan on have kids and a husband and the whole sha-bang. That's what picture was painted to me as a kid. To have a husband. Kids. House. The cars. Being holy all the time. But as I got older, I realized that a picture held an infinite amount of words and everything isn't as green as it may seem.
As I grew up, I realized that what I was taught at a younger age, meant nothing in the world I was about to experience. When I was growing up I couldn't do what I saw all the other girls doing. I wasn't able to spend the night anywhere  I barely was able to sleep at my cousin's houses. I wasn't able to wear certain clothes or get certain hairstyles. I wasn't able to really go out. Now that I look back, I wasn't able to do shit and so I guess when I got into the real world, I somewhat got buck wild. What led me to getting buck wild? Yeah that's a question I still ask myself sometimes. I did things I never thought I'd do. I never thought I'd be looking back like, oh yeah I've done that. Now that I look back though, it's gotten me here to where I am now.
I basically want to tell my story; about the young woman lost. I am in a good place in my life right now and I do plan to progress even more. However, to get to this point took some pain, swear, and tears. It wasn't always easy. It wasn't always happy times. There were some times I thought I couldn't keep going. Some days I wanted to give up. Some times I wanted to throw the towel in and would ask God to take me right then and there. I want to share my story because I feel like I can help someone along the way. I feel like it's okay to be a little lost as a young woman. No one has all the answers. This is my story of how a young woman lost is still finding her way in this world.