Diary of an Introvert

25

"Cal, seriously, I'm fine. I just need your arm to support me. Yun lang." 

We looked at each other then after 10 seconds, he raised both of his hands as a sign of giving up. "Okay. You won."

We're on our way to the doctor's office.

"I wish I could just carry you like a princess." He's teasing me again.

"Itutulak kita sa hagdanan pag ginawa mo yun." 

"Haha. Ang bilis ng mood swings mo ah. Kanina you're flirting with me and now---" 

"Hoy! Hindi kita inaano ah--!" 

"Hmm? Talaga lang ah. Iba ka rin eh noh? Iba ka." 

"Pssh. Ewan." We were on room 205. "Oh, nandito na pala tayo, Cal." 

"Doctor Kevin Mendoza?" He looked surprised.

"Kilala mo siya?" Hindi ko na hinintay ang sagot niya. Agad na akong pumasok sa loob, "Hello po,  doc. Kukunin ko lang po sana yung Med Cert?" 

The doctor was signed the paper and gave it to me. 

He looked surprised to see Calvin.

"Calvin?" Doc Kevin got up from his chair. "How are you?" 

Calvin was not on his usual behavior. He's not even looking at doc Kevin. "I'm....fine." 

"Ah, good to know. How about we go somewhere? Off ko naman maya-maya so we can still---" 

"No, thank you." He held my hands. "We need to go. At di ba sabi mo sa kanya kanina kailangan niyang magpahinga? I also need to take care of her." 

"Calvin. Please give me the chance to---" 

"Chance?!" Calvin was angry. "We gave you a lot of chances. At lahat yun sinayang mo lang. We're doing fine even without you in our lives so you don'have to be like that. Hah. Leave us alone." 

We went out leaving Doc Kevin just standing there not knowing what to say.

"Iuuwi na kita sa inyo." He said in his gloomy voice.

We didn't talk until we reached a certain bench.

I grabbed his hand and looked at him.  "What if ayokong umuwi? What if gusto kitang samahan? Akala ko ba kakain tayo sa labas?" 

"Cee, kanina yun noong hindi ko pa alam ang nangyari sayo. Now you need to rest so I'll take you home." 

I could feel my heart aching seeing him like this and I can't do anything for him. Is it okay to be selfish? Is it okay for me to ask some personal questions? Is it okay for me to get involved?

I looked at him in the eyes. "Yan ba talaga ang gusto mo, Cal? Do you really want me to just go home and rest?" 

Please say no. Please say na kailangan mo ako---

"Siyempre! I want you to rest, Cee. Pwede pa rin naman tayong mag-lunch together sa ibang araw." He made a smile, a forced one.

I hid the ache with a smile. "Okay." 

I was quiet the whole time na magkasama kami. I chose not to say some words cause I feel like crying every time I try to open my mouth. Dinadahilan ko na lang ang sugat ko para di makapagsalita.

At the gate of our house, guess I've calmed down a little.

"Tulungan na kita." He was about to open the gate for me when I stopped him.

"No need, Cal. Kaya ko na." 

"Sigurado ka?" 

"Sure." 

"Okay. So...balik na ako sa trabaho ah." 

"Eh yung lunch mo?" 

"Bibili na lang ako sa 7/11. Ikaw, kumain ka na rin at magpahinga."

"Okay. Ingat." 

I closed the gate and slowly walked inside the house.

It hurts. Pero hindi ko alam kung saan. Sa sugat nga ba o sa puso ko na naman? 

Calvin, why won't you share your burdens? It's unfair.

What good will this storm bring?

*** to be  continued***