The Dreams That Were Dreamt

Chapter One: Dandelion & Jupiter

I have always felt like I'm close to figuring out the truth. Why it is that rosebuds turn into roses, why it is that stars die, where we come from and where we go. I get this feeling that I understand it all just when I'm about to fall asleep or just before I wake. The connection is vague, but it exists, somewhere in the ether. I need to figure it out or I don't know how I'm going to make it out of here. I can't stay on these strands anymore. The woods are calling my name. Are you there?

What did it mean to lose love? Losing your love was to stand in the middle of a bridge that collapses at both ends. You can't go back and have it undone. Neither can you go forward in pursuit of something that does not exist anymore. Plunging deep into the trench was inevitable. How could you not? You had built your world around that love. What you had leaned against for so long had dispersed. The ability to stand on your own two feet was something you had unlearned. You didn't exist anymore. Your name was lost. 

But sometimes, I could hear you. Not in my ear, but as a vibration in my chest. I heard you call my name in the dark, but not by using your voice. You woke me up. It wasn't a nudge on the shoulder and it wasn't a frantic shake. You gently just made me aware that it was time to wake up now. With a soft kiss on my forehead, I open my eyes, and you are not there. Where were you?

When I woke up, I didn't feel panic. I didn't feel scared or anything of the sort. I knew what had happened. I knew that there was none other to blame but myself. I had been the one that hadn't been careful enough. This wasn't a time to feel sorry for myself, to scream or to cry or to beg. I didn't feel anything. I had accepted the reality and I was prepared to face the consequences of the reckless actions that had led me here.

I had seen a dozen movies where someone had been kidnapped or abducted before. I had always thought that their reaction when they wake up, tied up and blindfolded, was rather unrealistic. They wake up, make some small noises and that's about it. Why don't they scream? Why don't they cry? But as it turns out, that was the same reaction I had. It only took me being abducted myself to realize it. There were so many pieces of information that had to be fit into the puzzle. Questions needed answers. When I opened my eyes, I began arranging the pieces. This came before the screaming. 

I only had vague memories of the events that led up to now. I was led to believe that this was going to be a fun night out. I really enjoy spending time with Cindy and when we do get to that point of foolhardy intoxication it is the most fun I ever have with anyone. But this night I was tentative towards making an appearance at the usual spot. Today was my 24th birthday. Happy birthday, Aaron. Celebrating my birthday had always been difficult for me. First and foremost, I didn't really think that 24 was something to celebrate. It was a proper adult age at best. Secondly, I mostly just felt awkward inviting people to celebrate with me. I am usually not that excited about it, so it feels strange to try and make friends feel something that I don't.  

But this night Cindy had insisted. Neither of us were scheduled to work that night and Cindy was persistent that we were going out to do a couple of shots. I allowed myself to get carried away in her proposal only to find her flake on me last minute. I was three fourths into my first beer at the bar when she sent me a text saying that she wouldn't be able to make it and that she was incredibly sorry. Something about Reggie needing help with something. I was a little disappointed but not surprised. And that's when he came along. The rest is, as we know it, history.

Where was I? I was in a bedroom, lying down on my back in a big bed. The sheets were all over the place. The room was dark and I couldn't really make out the colour scheme of the walls. There were two windows on the right side of the bed and one of them was slightly open, letting a dark red drape dance in the air. The light coming in from the window gave the room a cold, blue filter. It felt like I was in a movie. Self-objectification was the only way to make sense of the reality. Does this really happen? Does this really happen to people?