Requiem for a Soldier (Requiem #1)

Chapter 34: Close Encounter

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, I'm sure." I pause and eye her death grip on my right arm. "Can I have my arm back?" I ask.

"Oh," she says, and lets go of me.

When I try to fall asleep that night, my thoughts are racing far too quickly. All I can think about is Ana, in her sheer panic, attempting to drag me to safety. Clearly she's terrified of bears. But instead of running for her life, her first instinct was to rescue me.

The irrepressible grin spreading across my face disgusts me. I am too old and too experienced to be blushing and smiling over a girl like this. What has Ana done to me?

August 29

Those thoughts kept me up half the night and still run through my head now as I surreptitiously study Ana from behind the book I'm holding. We're at the river, both fishing lines cast and the poles dug into the bank. She's reading a book that's clearly captivating her, judging by the myriad of expressions that cross her face as her eyes scan the pages. I've forgotten what book I've been pretending to read. I glance back at it and try to focus on the words. My lack of sleep from the previous night makes the words swim across the page before vanishing entirely as my eyes slide closed. I'll just rest them for a moment.

Memories of Ana clinging to me last night continue to play behind my eyes. The memory begins to change: instead of clinging to my arm, she was nestled into my chest, one of her hands on my shoulder blade and the other in my hair, massaging my scalp. And I was holding her too, my right hand on her shoulder and my left at her waist. I dropped kisses on her collarbone. Then her neck. Then her jaw. She looks up at me and I pause, staring into her eyes. Slowly, her eyes close as she leans into me, her face turned up to mine. At the last moment, I close my eyes.

Our lips meet, hesitantly at first. Then she deepens the kiss and I respond, pulling her closer and returning her kiss with more passion. When we at last break the kiss, she looks up at me with a tender expression in her eyes and a smile on her lips. She's blushing and a little breathless. She's gorgeous.

I smile back at her and open my mouth to say "You have no idea how long I've wanted to do that." But instead of words, all I manage is a slight humming noise deep in my throat that startles me back into reality.

I open my eyes to see the blue Alaskan sky above me. I was asleep? That was all a dream? The disappointment would be overwhelming if it weren't for the memory of our imaginary kiss still lingering in my mind.

"Good dream?"

My eyes snap to Ana, who's sitting next to me and staring at me. I stare back at her with an expression that probably resembles terror. For the briefest instant, I think she knows what happened in the dream and that I enjoyed it immensely.

"You were smiling in your sleep," she explains.

"Was I?" I ask, trying to sound confused. Which isn't entirely an act.

"Yeah." She looks out at the river. "I'm happy for you. Good dreams aren't very common for us." She looks back at me, her expression a little sad. Then she smiles. "I spent last night dreaming I was one of the Three Little Pigs while the Big Bad Wolf tried to blow my house down, except the Big Bad Wolf was a bear and I was Goldilocks." Her eyes shift off to the side and narrow slightly in concentration. "And the bear wasn't blowing my house down, he was bashing the door in. And I wasn't blonde." She looks back at me, her expression clearing as she gives a shrug. "That's dream logic for you. So what were you dreaming about?"

I thought I'd gotten off the hook when she'd started talking about her nightmare, but now I'm right back in the fire. I look around wildly for inspiration, not about to tell her what I actually dreamed of. My eyes settle on the fishing rod and I nearly give an audible sigh of relief.

"That I caught a fish."

She scoffs. "Really? That's all it takes?" She shakes her head at me. "Well, they do say men are simple creatures."

She turns back to her book and I almost sigh again. She bought it. I shove my nose back in the book I wasn't reading earlier and the memory of the dream returns full force.

You have no idea how long I've wanted to do that. I realize just how true that statement is. How long, exactly, have I been feeling this way toward Ana? Weeks? Months? Pre-Afghanistan Ryan would never have pined for a girl this long. He either would have made a move or lost interest by now. Talking to girls was never hard for me. Not until this girl. I peek over the edge of the book at her then quickly back down.

What am I doing? Sneaking glances at her, hiding my feelings from her, dreaming of kisses but never making a move? When did I become such a coward? Why am I so afraid of losing her?