red | e.d

thirty five

EDEN-JADE THURLOW

I pushed open the door and clutched the sheet of paper close to my chest, the date of my scheduled abortion printed onto the front. Ethan walked slightly ahead of me, the two of us silent, not a word to be said from either of us.

The tension was as thick as could be as Ethan opened the passenger door for me, allowing me to climb in. While he walked around to the other side I nervously fiddled with my fingers, aware that if he saw, he'd have known I was scared.

When Ethan joined me in the car he didn't even start up the engine, he just stayed frozen still. He rested his arm against the window, his chin covered by his hand, as if he were thinking something through.

" Are you okay? " I asked, unsure whether it was right that I had.
The boy continued staring out at the parking lot that remained as empty as it was when we arrived, his eyes slightly glossy. This made my heart ache, my nerves rising when he eventually turned to look at me, forcing a smile to rise up onto his lips.
" N-Not really. I just... I just don't know if we're doing the right thing, here- " Ethan shook his head, his words muffled as he turns away from me, afraid to show me his face.
I noticed then that there were tears in his eyes, my heart shattering with each passing second.
" I know. Me too. But I swear, I am not bringing a life into the world if I can't support it " I said honestly, catching his attention.

Ethan sighed at this, running a hand through his thick brown hair.
" Who said we can't support it? I can, I- " Ethan tried to convince me, only for me to shake my head once more.
I wasn't going to change my mind, not at all. This was something that needed to happen, and I could tell that he knew it too. He just didn't want to believe it, and I didn't either. Although I had to. Because it was happening tomorrow.
" No. You have to leave to go to UCLA, and I'm not going to- " I began, being interrupted by Ethan's clear voice.
" I'm not going to LA, I'm staying " Was all that he said, making my frustration rise as he stared at me, not a clue as to what I was trying to say.
" Yes, you are! I'm not letting you turn it down because of me, Ethan. It's your biggest dream to study there, and I just can't do that to you. You're going to that college and you're going to have the best time of your god damn life, just like you're supposed to when you're young! "

Ethan fell silent at my words, knowing that I was right. I knew I sounded harsh, but it was the complete and utter truth. Ethan wanted to go there, and if he were to go through with it, he would be leaving in a couple of months, right after prom. That would be the last time that I could simply give him a call and have him show up at my doorstep five minutes later, to help me. The last time that I'll be able to hold him close to me, or the last time that I'll truly be able to feel at home.

After that, he'll be on the other side of the country. Experiencing everything that he wants to experience in life, while I stay stuck in this town, wishing I had the same chances as he did.

It was silent between Ethan and I as we both stared ahead at the grocery store opposite us, opposite the clinic. I felt a warmth against my hand and realised that it were Ethan, his fingers intertwining with my own, as he brought my hand up to his lips and pressed a kiss to the back of it, ever so sweetly.
" My mother was a teen mom to Alex and I " I announced after a few more seconds of silence, the boy's eyes snapping to my own and sticking like glue, at my words " And I'm not putting someone through what my mom did to me, Ethan. I can't "
As I said this a small cry left my lips at the thought of my mother, at the thought of how fucked up my life had been recently. Everything had hit rock bottom, and I was really praying that some day soon, it was going to sky rocket for me. But I knew it wouldn't.

Because I'm Eden-Jade Thurlow, the girl destined for complete and utter failure.

Ethan pulled me close to him and I couldn't help but cry into his chest, the scent of him and only him filling my senses as I pressed my face against his sweatshirt. He cradled me so close to him like a child, his hand running through my hair, something which somehow managed to calm me down. He always did, no matter what it was that he did to do so. He was my safe place.
" I know, Jade. I know " Ethan murmured against my head, pressing a gentle kiss to it.
I wiped under my eyes with the back of my hand and looked up at Ethan, his eyes piercing down into my own. They were so mesmerising, every time I looked into them I couldn't help but get lost in their beauty.

" I-I know this is what's best, I really do. And if this is what you truly want, then it's what I want too. I just want you to know that I'm always going to be here, however you need me " Ethan said this so sweetly, a small smile forming on my lips at his words, as well as a small laugh after he had continued on " If you need me to bring you pizza, t-then I'll be your pizza delivery man. If you need me to be your boyfriend, I'll be your boyfriend and give you kisses. If you need me to be your bestfriend, then I'll be your fucking bestfriend. You're so confusing sometimes, but I-I wouldn't have you any other way. And I want you to know that whatever part of me you need, every part of me loves you. O-Okay? "

Another tear fell from my eye and I hug closer into Ethan's body, savouring the feeling of his muscular arms holding me so tight, keeping me safe.
" I want all of the above " I murmured against the fabric of his hoodie, my words slightly unclear, until I pulled away and looked up at him " I want you to be my bestfriend and my boyfriend, while you still can be. I know it seems like we have forever until you leave, but we don't. And I'm not going to waste another second of it "
When I said this Ethan smiled, bringing me back towards him. I let out a breath and when I heard the boy's heartbeat, practically pounding against his chest, my own started to increase. It was as if he was building up the courage to say something, and when he finally did, I turned to face him.

" T-Then be my girlfriend " Ethan asked, after seconds of silence, with a shy look on his face " I've been waiting to call you mine, for so, so long. A-And I'm done being a pussy "
I laughed a little when Ethan added this, taking a few seconds before nodding my head at his words.
He smiled at this, my heart swarming with what felt like butterflies, and my pulse quickening.

Ethan and I were going to make the most of the next few months, before he left for UCLA. I wasn't going to wait around for another minute, because I was more than ready. I wanted him to be mine. I wanted to be his.

" Let's head back then, boyfriend " I said, my words making Ethan grin, as he leaned across the car seat.
He pressed his lips to my cheek and they turned a little pink at the feeling, only for him to start up the engine, starting to pull out of the parking lot.

It was when I glanced over at the grocery store opposite us and saw the familiar car parked by the side of it, that my eyes squinted to get a better a look. My lips parted out of pure surprise when I saw the owner of that car climb out of the drivers seat, his eyes meeting with my own, as a small smirk curved up onto his lips. He knew what we were doing, it was clear. The look on his face was almost as if he had everything he needed, now.

And he was going to try and ruin everything for his twin brother, once again.