red | e.d

twenty two

EDEN-JADE THURLOW

I stared at the beautiful boy beside me as he played with my hair, twirling individual strands around his finger. He glanced down at me with a mesmerised look in his eyes as I laid with my head on his chest, the sound of his heartbeat in my ear enough to make me feel as if I were in some sort of dream.

He paused for a second, only to look at me with a small and sensitive smile. I didn't know what he was about to say, but whatever it was, wouldn't equate to the surprise I felt only minutes before. Did Ethan really mean what I thought he meant? I almost had to punch myself when I thought about it. Of course he didn't mean it. Nobody ever did.

" Jade? " Ethan's voice was a little raspy, his hand moving from my hair, to my shoulder.
He rubbed up and down my skin gently, whilst I nodded, my cheek resting against the fabric of his soft t shirt.
" I-I think you should go and see your mom "

When Ethan said this I raised my head, looking him dead in the eye. It was clear that he grew nervous when I did this, the intimidating glare in my eyes enough to scare him, or anyone, for that matter.

I knew he was right, though. I did need to see her. I'd regret it if I didn't. However, at the same time, the idea of having to see my own mother in her hospital bed unconscious, made me feel the need to throw up. I'd seen her in some terrible states, but this was by far the worst one.

A sigh left my lips as I sat upright, slowly nodding my head at the boy. A small smile curved up onto his lips when I did this, knowing that it was the right thing to do.
" Now? " He suggested, waiting for my response.
I was hesitant, but I knew it had to be done. Ethan was always right when it came to stuff like this, he was so much more sensitive and sweet than I was, so he knew what to do.
" Let's go "

RED

I stared at the entrance through the window of Ethan's car, my breathing shaky as I thought about my mother who was just through those doors. I felt Ethan place a hand on my thigh to comfort me, easing my nerves a little bit.

" It'll be fine, Jade. I'll be parked right here, waiting for you " He told me, making my eyes snap back up to meet with his.
I couldn't help but smile at how cute he was, my smile disappearing seconds later, when I realised that I had to see her alone. I couldn't do it, I knew I couldn't. I would have had some sort of breakdown, seeing her in the way that she was.

My bottom lip was trapped between my teeth as I stared at Ethan, unsure how to ask. He knew about my family now. He hadn't seen it for himself, but I needed him in this moment.
" Can you come with me? Please? " I asked hesitantly, my voice quiet and somewhat hoarse.
This surprised the boy, his eyes narrowing.
" Y-You want me to- " He tried to say, only for me to nod, making him fall silent.
It was safe to say that he was shocked. I'd went from not sharing anything about my life with him to now asking him to join me to visit my mom in hospital, all so quickly. I trusted him, I really did. It was whether he trusted me, that was the question.

Ethan nodded when he saw that I was sure, the two of us climbing out of his car. As we walked towards the hospital in silence, I felt the need to grab his hand, and I did just that. Just feeling the warmth of his palm against mine made me feel a little more at ease, something only he was capable of making me really feel. The boy looked down at our hands as we walked, the two of us entering the waiting room, where people sat, awaiting the news of their loved ones.

Almost on cue, a nurse arrived and told everyone that visiting times were now on. I knew what room my mother was in, thanks to my brother who had told me this morning. So, I wasted no time before heading there, pulling Ethan along with me.

When we arrived in the ward and I spotted her room number my heart dropped, my whole body freezing on the spot. I had no clue how to approach the situation. What if she woke up? What would she say? What would I say? Because despite everything, despite the painful eighteen years of watching her drink her life away right in front of my eyes, I still loved her.

Ethan placed his hand on my lower back, guiding me towards the door. The lump in my throat only got bigger as I swallowed my nerves, my fingers tracing across the handle before I slowly opened it, taking a step into the room. Right away, the sight of my mother asleep was what I saw, her light hair messy above her head, scattered across the white pillows. She had all sorts of wires coming from her body, an oxygen mask placed directly on her nose and mouth.

However, when I opened the door wider to see that she was wasn't alone, and that my brother was sitting beside her bed, I froze. Alex spotted me, a small smile growing on his lips until he noticed that I had company with me. My brother stared at Ethan who was behind me, his eyes glancing down at our hands, to see that they were intertwined together.

I was about to speak, not doing so when my brother stood up, his height towering above me, and only just over Ethan. The boy at my side looked nervous now, but my brother looked angry. He was almost staring Ethan up and down, sizing him up to intimidate him, and it most definitely worked.
" Not here, Alex. Stop " When I said this my voice was stern, making Alex's eyes snap back to meet with my own.
He didn't argue back, instead he sat back down in the seat he was in before, allowing me to enter the room. I practically had to drag Ethan in with me, but when I did, we closed the door and sat on the opposite side of the bed, to my brother.

She looked peaceful, almost. Besides the fact that her eyes were dark and her skin was quite pale, she seemed at rest. That calmed me a little, but I didn't know that for sure.

I knew that Ethan was watching me, his arm hanging over the back of my chair. My brother, however, didn't watch me. He stared at Ethan, his arms folded against his chest out of annoyance. This wasn't good. I knew that there was going to be trouble once we left, I just hoped that I was wrong.

My eyes grew teary the more I watched my mom, my heart beating harder. I hesitated before I slipped my hand through the bars on the side of her bed, my thumb caressing her own gently. I took her hand into my own and a breath of relief left my lips, I hadn't shown affection to my mother in so long, it was odd. But I didn't stop, I gave her hand a gentle squeeze, my eyes shutting as I tried to bear the words, that I hadn't said to her in so long. I meant it, and whether she could hear me or not was a whole other thing. But if it was the last thing she heard, I was glad that I'd finally said it to her, after all of these years.

" I love you, mom "