Regrets||✓✓

17.4

A few days after my baptism, I explained to Noah and Esther what had happened and why I had decided to give my life to Christ. They hadn't turned their faces away or looked disgusted. Instead, they hugged me and promised to talk to my parents on my behalf. I felt so happy. I would see my parents again and beg for their forgiveness and I'll be an obedient daughter and never disappoint them again.

True to their word, Noah and Esther followed me home. Esther held my hand and squeezed it softly. "Let's pray God touches their hearts." I let out a shaky breath and prayed. Then Noah knocked on the door.

Hearing my mother's voice made my heart beat faster. I hadn't seen her since last year. She opened the door and looked between Esther and Noah. I was standing behind them, so she couldn't see me. "Can I help you?"

"Good afternoon, Mrs. Mendelssohn. I'm Noah, and this is Esther. We're here from church, regarding your daughter." Noah took a deep breath and waited for her reaction.

"Oh, Liberty isn't home, but she'll be back in a couple of hours—"

"No, not... Not Liberty. We're here about your other daughter, Naija." Esther stepped aside and I stood face to face with my ma. She looked... Healthier. Like my absence at home hadn't affected her at all. She looked at me with hard, Stony eyes, and looked at Esther.

"I don't have another daughter." I stopped breathing. I don't have another daughter. Ouch.

"Mrs. Mendelssohn—"

"Do I know you, chile? Are you lost?"

Esther's voice was cut off by my rough squeezing of her hand. She took one look at me and nodded.

"No, ma'am. I'm sorry to have wasted your time." Ma took one last disgusted look at me and shut the door. "Thank you for trying. Both of you." I fought the urge to cry when they hugged me. "Thank you."

After I convinced them that I was fine and that I would not be following them back to church, they entered Noah's car and drove off. Then I started the walk to my new home.

What was I thinking?

I was thinking that I'd knock on that door and be received with open arms. That Pa would come out and kiss my forehead and tell me all was forgiven, and I would ruffle Liberty's hair and all would be right with the world. What a fool I was.

But.

In all honesty I deserved it. But Ma and Pa deserved an apology, and they were going to get it, whether they hated me or not. I spun around and marched back to the door and knocked hard. Ma opened the door and almost shut it immediately. "What do you want?"

"To apologise, Mrs. Mendelssohn. I don't deserve to call you Ma." She looked at me she didn't believe it was me standing. I took it as my cue to continue. "I've sat and examined my life and I've realized that, I don't want that life for myself. Maybe I was possessed, maybe I was just misguided. But it wasn't fair to you or Mr. Mendelssohn, everything that I put you through." I took a deep breath, blinking back tears. My eyes were beginning to water. I saw Ma step out and close the door behind her.

"I disappointed you. I disappointed this family. I embarrassed you. I put you through way too much. I'm not asking you to take me back in– I honestly don't deserve it. But," tears fell from my eyes at this point, and I was on my knees, "please, as children of God, from one Christian to another, please forgive me." I hunched my shoulders and started to sob. It all came flooding back, the look of pain, anger and disappointment on her face when she told me to leave and to never return. I winced in pain as I remembered. "Please."

"Get up." I shot to my feet immediately, wiping my tears with the back of my hand, unable to look at her in the face. "I was not just embarrassed, I was brokenhearted." I felt my lips tremble, as I balled my hands into fists. "I don't pray to relive it again. So how do I know you're not lying and pretending again?"