Stefan Salvatore's daughter ~ Miracle

63. The Bloodlines are our fate

Gillian's P.O.V.

I slowly wake up, stretching my legs as I hide my head a bit more in my pill... It is kind of hard. I open my sleepy eyes and look at what I was sleeping on. Dad... I frown confused and mostly surprised as I see him smiling gently at me. I put my head back on his arm while sighing and remembering what happened last night. I was talking with mom and then... She switched of my emotions back on! Dad heard the conversation... And he is still here... I frown lightly while thinking as dad is still gently smiling to me. He brings his free arm up to caress my hair, going up and down their length.

- Morning, babygirl, he whispers while smiling. I missed this... I miss waking up, having dad around or near me, looking happy and all that while having my emotions. I stare at him, staying silent as I enjoy this moment. I'm really back... I didn't remark how your hair got much longer. It's good, it shows even more your curls, he whispers while smiling. I can feel my heart beating and I can feel the joy down my chest. Suddenly, dad frowns confused as I feel him caressing my cheek now. Are you feeling okay, baby? Again, I don't answer his question. I can't... I can't answer as I know that he still doesn't feel. I clear my throat while rolling over and turning my back to him. Gillian, are you feeling okay? He repeats, concerned as he puts his hand on my shoulder, trying to turn me back around. However, I block him, not wanting to look at him. My father sighs before passing an arm around I, his arm coming in front of me and surrounding my whole chest as he lets his head on mine. I know it must be hard, baby. I know it. You feel overwhelmed, overtake, empty but it will all be fine soon, you'll see. Because I'll help you, Damon'll help you and the others will as well, whispers, dad as he tightens his grip around I. I can't move, I can't talk but I can definitely feel. For some reasons, my eyes begin to water up. I grab his arm that is around I and squeeze it before sniffing sadly. The tears roll down my cheeks freely. Dad lifts up his head and looks at me with a frown. Why are you crying, baby? Tell me so I can try to do something to take away those tears.

- I don't know why I'm crying, I answer him in a whisper and with a cracky voice. I just need to, I simply say as I lightly sob. Dad places a gently and deep kiss on my cheek as it seems to be the only thing that he can do to help me. I sniff sadly again while wiping my cheeks. I feel scared, hurt, sad, ashamed and so, so guilty, dad. How... How could I do something like this to that poor woman? I sit upright and face him, grimacing of sadness. How did I beca-ame this monster? It's not me! It-it can't be me! I-I can't be like this! I tell him starting to cry heavily as my breath is getting cut because of my sobs. My voice gets slightly more louder as I grimace sadly and try to calm down. Dad sits upright as well as he grabs my face between his hand. I can't be this monster, dad, I tell him while shaking my head. I can't... I just can't. It's not me.

- I know it isn't you, Honey. And I know how hard it is to take such a thing. I perfectly know the feeling, Gillian. I'm the Ripper of Monterey. I ripped a whole village. I did way worst than you did, baby, I stare at him, still crying but while calming down slowly. I know the guilt. I know the pain. It is the worst feeling in the world, he tells me, nodding as his thumbs are caressing my cheeks, but you'll get through it. You'll find the strength to fight it because that's what we do. We're vampires. We kill to feed, no matter if we feel or not. We have to drag this guilt with us forever. You managed to live like this once, you'll do it again.

- But I didn't rip a woman back then, dad, I remind him, letting a single sob out. And I used to feed on animals.

- Gillian, sighs, my father, I'm going to help you. I will do my best to help you deal with this. But to feel better, only you can accept what happened, only you can control and get over this feeling, I nod as I know he is right. I close my eyes and lower my head as some more tears roll down my cheeks. I almost stop sobbing. So, what can I do to help you right now, baby? I re-open my eyes to look at my father who is forcing a smile. That smile... He wants to reassure me, he wants to do good, but he doesn't know how. I let a deep and shaky breath out.