the derry girl || james maguire

twelve

"Sorry, Emmett, you were saying?" Erin asked.

"I didn't want to put you in this position, but I can't stress the seriousness of my situation."

"Anything else?" The waitress comes over again.

"Oh, d'you know what? I wouldn't mind a knickerbocker glory." Emmett said.

"You need to help me out here."

"We do that and we're breaking the law." Gerry told him.

"Oh, you recognise the legal system of a brutal imperialistic oppressor, do ya?" Emmett replied.

"If they can put me in jail for 20 years then yes, Emmett, yes, I do!"

"Listen, have you killed anyone, son?"
Grandpa Joe asked.

"No. Well, at least not directly."

fantastic

"Well, there you go. So that settles it."

"I don't think that does settle it, actually, Joe!"

"You know what's wrong with you, Gerry you're an awful wuss."

"I'm not a wuss!" Gerry argued.

"You're afraid of your own shadow."

"I'm not!"

"Well, then, grow a set of balls and help the fella out!"

"I have a set of balls, thank you very much!"

"Oh, seriously, Daddy." Erin said.

"You're even afraid of that wee girl." Joe yelled.

"What wee girl?"

"That waitress! You wanted a cup of tea, she brought you a Coke, and you just sat there and said sweet Fanny Adams!"

"Your grandad said fanny." Michelle snickered.

jesus Michelle

"But that's because I like Coke!" Gerry replied.

"Her customer service is shocking as well." Emmett said.

"Aye, desperate." Mary said.

"Someone should say something." Sarah said.

"Ah, Gerry! Gerry should say something!" Joe yelled.

"I will! No problem! I'll say something. Excuse me. Excuse me, please." Gerry called.

"What?" The waitress said.

"Erm, I just wanted to say that, er, I, erm I ordered a tea, you brought me a Coke, and that's not acceptable." Gerry started.

"But you drank the Coke." She replied.

"That's not the point, and your service has been nothing short of appalling, your attitude is worse. It's simply not good enough!" Gerry yelled.

"I'll, er. I'll bring you a tea." She sniffled.

"You do that!"

"I'm sorry! I got a bit of bad news today. I haven't really been able to focus. I've been a bit distracted maybe. I'm sorry." The girl sobbed. "I'll just take this".

"No, no, ignore all that." Gerry said.

"I'll bring you your tea right away, sir." She said.

"Well, there was absolutely no need for that." Joe said.

"Jesus, Gerry!" Mary said.

"Harsh." Replied Michelle

"Awful." Emmett commented.

"Poor girl." I mumbled.

"Aye, I can't believe you did that, Daddy."

"You asked me to! How could I have known? Will you all just stop looking at me? Fine Fine. D'you know what? Fine! I've had it with the lot of ye! And just for the record, back there, I was being an Australian tourist, Okay? Australian! And I happen to think that my accent was flawless! Excuse me, mate! Can you help us get outta here? Flawless!" Gerry yelled and walked off.

"We have to decide what to do here, one way or another. Let's just vote."

"Leave him! I vote we run away and leave him." Erin said.

"I vote we take him for better or worse and all that." Michelle replied.

"I vote we take him." Joe said.

"Me too." Orla smiled.

"Leave him." I said.

"I can't decide." Clare huffed.

"I've decided, but I'm afraid to say what I've decided." James said.

"Why don't we just toss a coin? So, heads, the wee 'Ra man comes with us.
Tails, we leave him." Sarah asked.

"Aye, ready?" Mary said.

"Go on, then."

"What is that? A fish?" James asked.

"A dolphin, is it?" I replied.

"It sort of looks like Moby Dick, actually."

"Ah, shite, I used a punt, didn't I?"

"What's on the other side?" Michelle asked.

"A harp." Joe said.

"So harp must be the head and fish must be the tail?" Erin said.

"Oh, well, that makes sense, yeah, because fish have tails."

thanks Orla

"Why don't we just do it again with real money?"

"This is real money, Sarah."

"You know what I mean, normal money."

"All right. Who has 10 pence?"

"It was him! The mural on our house, the spray paint It was Emmett. I can prove it." Gerry comes back saying.

"Sly wee bastard." Mary said.

"You bloody tout!" Joe said.

"Where is Emmett?" Sarah asked.

"There he is." Orla replied.

"Is that Jim's tent?" Mary asked.

I see James look back at the seat and huff, oh aye he was meant to be in charge of the damn thing.

"What's he doing? Clare asked.

"I told you to look after that tent." Joe told Gerry.

"No, you didn't, you told him to look after it!"

"Ah, blame the wee'un! Big man! Jesus Jim's second best tent. How am I going to break it to him?." Grandpa Joe huffs.

-

And here we were, back in the car, without a man in the boot this time. Heading back to Derry. With James on one side and Clare on the other. Still going on about that fucking whale.

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(1301 words)