the derry girl || james maguire

two

Niamh's pov

"Motherfuckers! "Motherfucker" is my new thing".

And here comes Michelle.

"Watched this film last night. My dad got it off Pyro Pauline, and it's about these two lads, and they wear these cracking suits and they rock about, just shooting people and eating cheeseburgers, and they're all, "Motherfucker this, motherfucker that." Michelle yells. "It's got your man in it."

Then I noticed the tall curly haired boy in behind Michelle. I had two questions, "who is he" and "why the fucks he in our uniform".

"Who owns the fella?" I hear Erin ask.

"Me" Michelle says like it's obvious.

"Well, come on, then, ball-ache, are you introducing yourself, or what?"

"Hi, I'm Michelle's cousin, James."

Holy fuck he's English

"Why's he making that funny noise?" Orla asks.

"He's English, Orla, that's the way they talk." Michelle says walking towards the bus. "He's my Auntie Cathy's wean.
I told you about my Auntie Cathy, she went to England years ago to have an abortion. Never came back. Never got the abortion, either. Lucky for you, James, eh?"

Well that explains it.

"I didn't actually know that" James complains.

Shite.

"What's he doing here? Cathy's just got divorced, so she's moved back. The husband caught her doing the dirt on him. She's a bit of a goer, is our Cathy, riding rings around him, so she was.
Ain't that right, James?"

I heard Michelle ranting in my left ear, although I was more focused on my this James was here, like at our bus stop.

"Michelle what's he doing here, at the bus stop?" I but in.

"Oh, he's going to our school." She replied.

"But he's a fella. An effeminate fella, but a fella all the same". Erin said.

"Everyone was shitting it about sending him to the boys' school. They were worried that the lads would beat him up because, well."

"He's English." I said.

"Exactly, and you couldn't really blame them, I suppose. Our carriage awaits, motherfuckers." Michelle yells.

We all pile onto the bus, and Michelle hands out her Avon books.

"There's no seats down here." Erin says.

"For fuck sake" I rolled my eyes.

"Just move them wee dicks." Michelle said. And I agreed with her.

"Shift your shirt holes, Let's go." Michelle says.

"Nobody move."

Right then

"Get to tiny"

"Niamh!" Erin elbowed me in the ribs.

"You'd better do as I say, or" Michelle drags on.

"Or what?" The little minger replied.

"Or there'll be consequences."

Fucks sake Michelle

Michelle then continued to threaten to beat up the first year, which wasn't a bad idea. But then again, the kid said that her bit sister was Mandy, big Mandy O'Connell, I nudged Michelle and she backed off the wain. Then we had to sit near the front of the bus, which wasn't great, and to top it all off, I had to sit next to the English prick.

The bus suddenly stopped and a soldier stepped on, as if this day could get any worse. I assumed they would be looking for a bomb, due to the one on the bridge. Although I hear Michelle from behind me.

"Do you think if I told him I had an incendiary device down my knickers, he'd have a look?"

Jesus Michelle

The bus finally pulls up at Our Lady Immaculate Collage, the shitehole of all shiteholes. And who's the first person to get on my nerves this morning, as it is every morning. Jenny Joyce.

"Hi, guys."

Her high pitched voice has already gone straight through me.

"Could I just have a quick chat? You must be new. I'm Jenny. Great hair. Very bold.
I'd love to go that short, but, sure, I don't have the bone structure." She rambles on.

"He's a fella, Jenny." Michelle says.

Then Jenny starts talking about the "incident" on the bus this morning, and really I don't think that there was an incident, nobody got hurt did they, naw.

Next thing was assembly, again Jenny and one of her wee followers were doing some shite presentation about a flower, or something like that, I wasn't paying attention. Sister Micheal introduced James, and so the other girls and I pretended that we didn't know him, sister brought up the fact that James was English, then she brought up the Mr.Mullen affair, that was some craic that.

"Please, Michelle." Erin was begging for someone to go and see David with her, I used to fancy the arse off him but not now, so I won't be going.

"No. I have no interest in David Donnelly's spazzing band."

At least Michelle has some sense.
"Niamh, please. You know David" she asked.

"Used to, Erin. I really canny be bothered." I reply.

"I can't go on my own." Erin complained.

"What about Orla?" Michelle asked.

"I love my wee fingers." Orla buts in.

Aye maybe not take Orla

"Orla's mental." Erin said.

Harsh, true, but harsh

"Michelle, would you mind showing me where the toilet is?" James asked. I'd hate to be the one to tell him there aren't any so I'll just leave that to Michelle.

"You are really starting to do my head in, do you know that?" Michelle scolds.

Then the tannoy beeps and the lady from reception, I really should have learned her name, speaks.

"Will the following pupils please report to Sister Michael's office immediately? Erin Quinn, Orla McCool, Niamh McCarthy, Clare Devlin, Michelle Mallon and the wee English fella. Thank you."

Third on the list, thought I was a bit better than that.

"I can't find the boys' toilets anywhere." James was still complaining about the damn toilet.

"It's an all-girls school, dick face. There are no boys' toilets." Michelle says.

"So should I just use the girls' toilets?" James asked.

"No, you should not, you pervert" I say.

"Look, whatever happens in there, we have to stick together, OK? We have to back each other up." Clare says. Finally she's said something else other than complain about how hungry she is for some lad called Kamal.

"Ladies." Sister Michael opens her door.

Let's get this fucking over with.

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(1024 words)