Complicated

Chapter 5

"This is just like old times," Portia said sipping her coffee, looking sideways at Ellen who was sitting in the driver's seat.
They had ordered coffee at a nearby cafe but had decided to sit in the car and have it, playing some music.
"What is?" Ellen asked.
"This, us, I mean us drinking coffee like this at this location. We used to do this during taping, remember as we used to drive back home and sing songs." Portia said.
"Hmm. I miss those days" Ellen replied, carefully editing out I miss you in her mind.
" Let's sing along," Portia said.
"Seriously?" Ellen asked
"Yeah," and with that Portia turned up the volume on the stereo and started singing out aloud the JLo song that was being played.
Ellen looked at her, smiling, thinking to herself how Portia hasn't changed a bit and why her heart was pounding so fast. She too joined in the singing.
At one point, Portia got so much into the song that she started moving her arms around in the car seat and accidentally knocked over Ellen's cup of coffee onto her lap.
"Ouch!" Ellen exclaimed as the hot coffee soaked in through her shirt and burnt her skin.
"Oh shit!, I am so sorry," said Portia, unbuttoning Ellen's shirt spontaneously.

Ellen felt her heart rate going faster than ever and she knew not if it was because of how close Portia was right now or if it was because of burning pain.

She held Portia's hand as if trying to stop her, saying,"it's fine."
Portia didn't understand, she said, " no, it isn't, you need to put some water over it." She bent over and took a water bottle from the back seat.

She shifted the shirt from the side, exposing Ellen's toned muscles and a part of the skin that was now red due to the coffee.
As she put some water soaked tissue onto it, Portia noticed something else, a scar, a linear scar near the upper right side of Ellen's torso.
She put her hand over it and looked up at Ellen, directly into her eyes and asked," What...how did you get this?"
Ellen looked away and said, " Syria. The hospital site where we working one day had an explosion. I got a sharpnel injury there, leading to laceration which needed to be sutured immediately.
It was kind of deep, going into the liver, so it was done in the nearest hospital on an emergency basis. It's healed now, so no worries."

"You never mentioned it," Portia said.

"Well, what would have happened if I had told you?"

" I would have come and taken care of you. A liver injury is no joke. I could have helped.Let me guess, it was during the time when you weren't replying to my mails frequently. That lasted for a month almost, so I guess you were hospitalized?" Portia said.

" You would have come from Australia to Syria, in the middle of an active war zone to take care of me. Why?" Ellen asked.

'Because I am in love with you and I fuckin' can't see you hurt' Portia thought in her mind, angry at Ellen that she asked for a reason, for a reason for Portia to help Ellen. She didn't say anything.

Just then her phone rang, it was her PA. She answered the phone. She had to get back to the studio lot for another interview.
Ellen buttoned her shirt back and drove back to the studio lot to drop Portia.

As they got out of the car to say goodbye to each other, Ellen asked: "What time is your flight tomorrow?"
"12 noon, British airways" Portia replied.
Ellen nodded her head.
"So, I guess you need to rush in, ..um..it was nice seeing you after such a long time" she added.

"Yeah. It felt good to be back. Thanks for having me on the show. Keep in touch, you," Portia replied and hugged Ellen.

As they let go of the hug, they stood there, very close, almost feeling each other's breath looking into each other's eyes for some sign of what the other wanted.

"Portia, over here" shouted her assistant from the set entry, bringing them both back to reality.

Ellen let go and said,"goodbye Portia" and got into the car.

"Ellen."

Ellen looked at Portia.
" For the same reason that you almost walked into a forest fire looking for me."

"What?" Ellen asked not understanding Portia's statement.
" The answer to your 'why?'. For the same reason that you almost walked into a forest fire looking for me." Portia repeated and with that walked towards the set entry.

Flashback:
It was sometime after the anorexia that it had happened. Portia had just begun dating Mel and they were planning to go camping near one of the forest ridges near LA.
Ellen had a few other engagements and had therefore not gone with them.
The day after Portia had left, Ellen had watched the news with horror as they reported a massive forest fire near the ridge that Portia and Mel were planning to camp. The fire was spreading fast and evacuation was in full swing.
Ellen had immediately tried calling them, but their phones were not reachable.
Without a second thought Ellen had gotten into her car and drove towards the site.

She drove as far as she could and then as she neared the wilderness she got out of the car and walked, looking around, calling out for Portia and Mel. She could make out smoke from the burning trees near the horizon and hoped that they had seen it too.
She gave a call to 911 and thought of further venturing inside. She didn't think it through, all that mattered at the moment was Portia's safety. The problem with Mel was he liked to explore and therefore would not opt for the usual camping sites. Yet Ellen thought that putting a camp near a water body is what anyone would do and so she had walked towards the small lake which she knew was near. It was luck that she chanced upon the couple near the lake.

"Ellen, what are you doing here?" Portia had asked.
"You need to get out now! There is a forest fire on the other side of the ridge and it is spreading fast" Ellen said.
"What?" Mel asked.
Ellen explained to them the situation, pointing towards the back of their tent, towards the horizon where one could faintly make out smoke.
They had packed and left the site quickly.
"You came all the way to ask us to evacuate?" Mel asked surprised as they drove back
"Yeah, your phones were not reachable, so there was no other way."
"What if the fire would already have spread or you would have got hurt or not found us?" Portia asked.
" Look, why play what ifs, all of us are safe." Ellen had tried to get out of the question.

The day after Portia's interview (present):

Ellen knocked on Mary's door.
"Come in," shouted Mary.
As she walked in, she saw that Andy was there too.
"Hi Ellen" they both said.
"Hey" she said and paused and looked at Mary.
"Get it out," said Mary. You could always count on Mary to read people's faces.
"Umm...let's play a game. Like "what would you do, if you were..." replied Ellen.

Mary sighed. She knew something was on Ellen's mind and if this was how she wanted to get it out so be it.
"Am in, me first" said Andy, raising his hand, trying to sound goofy.
"No, Andy, not today. I am going first," snapped back Ellen. Andy looked surprised.
"Oh. Come on now, just say it Ellen," said Mary.
"Ok, what would you do, if you meet someone after a long time but who has been a close friend and you realize you have very strong feelings for this person, but you don't know if they do too. And you fear that telling them about your feelings might make things awkward and you might just lose the best friend you ever had. But then you might not see each other for a long time because they are leaving the country?"

Mary smiled. She knew this was about Portia. She had suspected it since yesterday.
"Rush to the airport, Ellen", is all that Mary said.
Ellen looked at Mary, ' how did she know? Is it that evident to others 'she wondered. "You sure," she asked again.
"Yes, but don't take too long, we have a meeting with the network regarding the show in a few hours, so we need to prepone our rehearsal. Now GO!!!" said Mary, coming up to Ellen and literally pushing her out.

Just as Ellen ran down the stairs to her car, Andy, whispered to Mary, "Can you please explain what just happened?"
Mary laughed, "Oh, Andy, I guess Ellen will explain it to you herself."
Ellen drove as fast as she could to LAX airport. This was it, she said to herself. I will have to blurt it out. She parked in the parking area and sprinted across to the departure terminal. She had no clue what she was going to do or how she would find Portia in this crowd. She should have asked for her number yesterday. Shit! She cursed. Just then she saw the British Airways reception.
"Excuse me, can you please tell me where the passengers for the flight at 12 pm to London are? I urgently need to convey a message to a passenger before she boards" she asked.
"Ma'am, I am sorry, but it just took off few minutes ago. It had to fly half an hour prior to the earlier schedule due to some air traffic issues." replied the receptionist.

"NO, that can't be," Ellen exclaimed. She felt like she lost her only chance. She was in tears as she walked back to her car and drove to her studio.
Mary saw Ellen walking directly past her office to the stage and by the look on her face, Mary knew Ellen had missed out on the flight. She felt sorry for her friend and prayed for the first time that let what happens in movies happen here too, that is to make Portia come back. She walked out her office and caught up with Ellen and hugged her. Mary didn't come across like the emotional kind, but Ellen at that moment felt thankful to have Mary there as she hugged her tightly.

They started the rehearsal at the studio when Jeannie sent in a text to Mary to tell her that Portia de Rossi was asking to meet Ellen urgently and was outside the studios. Mary couldn't believe her eyes as she read the message, she thanked the gods for answering her prayer on short notice, and asked Jeannie to let her into the studio.
Portia walked in from behind, just as Ellen was rehearsing her monologue and Mary signalled Ellen to turn around. Ellen, not understanding what Mary was trying to say, looked around and couldn't believe her eyes. Was Portia really standing in front of her or was she having a hallucination.

"P... Portia?, Aren't you supposed to be on a flight right now?", Ellen asked, totally shocked.
"Um...Yeah...I cancelled...I mean, I booked a one a few hours later," Portia answered.
"OK.." Ellen said, knowing not what to say or how to say what she wanted to say.
Silence. It was Mary who broke the silence saying, " I guess I will leave you two to talk and will go through the video clips for the day's show in the control room" and walked upstairs towards the control room, signalling to the other crew members to leave as well.

"Um ...I need to talk to you, I am sorry for coming in unannounced and interrupting you in the middle of work...But...", Portia trailed.
"It's totally OK. Even I wanted to talk to you, and I went up to the airport, but then the flight you were supposedly booked into had left..." Ellen said, as she guided towards the two chairs in the centre of the stage.

Both of them sat down on the chairs facing each other, silent again, waiting for the other to start.
Ellen finally stood up, walking to and fro between the chairs, avoiding Portia's eyes, she said," I don't know how to put this, I don't know what this is and I don't know how you would feel about it. But it's been on my mind for the past two years and I just can't keep it to myself anymore. You see, when we first met, we were. Just co stars but one year into the series we became best friends. I don't know if it was the situation or something else but we were close. And I cherished every moment with you. I could be me, I opened up to you like I have never done before and all the while it was because I was so comfortable with you. We just hungout doing crazy stuff and I loved being with you. It was like two high school friends and I didn't think of it any other way, even despite rumors of us being together. It was unsaid but we became each other 's 'go to person'. You held me through some of my toughest moments...", Ellen trailed.
"But I don't know when it happened, maybe sometime around the last season, because that's when I realised that you were more than a best friend. I thought I should tell this to you before we said good bye , but I thought I was over thinking and I thought it was just me. And you had just been out of a tough phase and you needed some time alone too. Initially I thought it was just dependence, maybe because of the fact that we had lived together for some time by then and I thought it would eventually go. But even in Syria, the only thing which made my day would be an email from you. I missed you so much, everything about you,the way your nose wrinkles when you smile, the way you talk, I even missed your jar of Vegemite!.

Meanwhile at the control room:
Ed Galvin: What's happening down there?
Mary: As of now, nothing, but I hope something does happen.
She had switched off her earpiece, connected to Ellen's mike, as she wanted Ellen to have some privacy, but what Mary could make out as she looked from the control room was that Ellen had still not come to the point. From what she could see Ellen was walking to and fro between the chairs, continuously speaking, Portia was sitting on one of the chairs and was looking at Ellen.
"Just say it Ellen. Don't ramble", muttered Mary under her breath. Seeing that Ellen was still talking, Mary turned on her earpiece. Yes, Ellen was still rambling.

Mary looked at Ed who was busy editing the video clips for today's show and that gave Mary an idea.
At the center stage:
Ellen continued, " Portia what I am trying to say is....I don't want you to feel uncomfortable and I understand if you don't feel the same way..."
"I LOVE YOU GODDAMMIT", the screen behind Ellen and Portia had suddenly played the sitcom scene in which Ellen's character had expressed herself to Portia's character. Ellen turned around looking surprised at the sudden interruption and Mary's voice crackled over her ear piece, " you can thank me later," she said.
Portia had also stood up at the scene, she turned around after recovering from the shock and looked at Ellen.
" I wasn't expecting that to happen, But what Nelle said to Megan is what I have been wanting to say for long, I love you Portia," Ellen said when Portia stood facing her.
Portia said, "You have no idea how long I have wanted to say the same words to you. And you should realize how serious I am when I say that, I cancelled my flight at the last moment and put my entire schedule in a mess and have my publicist and PA cursing me, just to say these words to you that..Ellen, I love you too."

Just then Portia's phone started ringing. It was her PA.
"I need to go now Ellen or else I will miss my next flight too. I will call you when I reach London. There's a lot we need to talk about." She said
"yeah..sure," said Ellen wondering why moments of happiness are so short lived.

As they walked back to Portia's cab where her PA was waiting for her, Portia said," Ellen, I want you to know that I Love you with all my heart and I want "us" to work, this relation to work, even if it's going to be a long distance one. Also, can we please keep it low for a while; I don't want media attention on us right now. Don't take me wrong, I would shout from the rooftop now that I love you, but in our industry, a new relationship becomes a focus of attention and the work that the individuals do , the projects that they work on, it doesn't get the attention required. Especially now that I have a few projects coming up, I would like people to appreciate the project and the hardwork behind it rather than have them discussing our relation."

"I totally get it Portia. I love you more than anyone else in this whole world and we will keep it low. The distance is gonna kill me, But we will figure it out," said Ellen, placing a short kiss on Portia's cheek as she got inside the cab.
"Have a Safe journey, and Call me." Said Ellen as her cab pulled out of the Studio lot.

"Ellen!!! We are getting late for the meeting," yelled Mary from behind her.
"I' ll drive us to the headquarters, let's go," said Ellen.
"So, that was what your game was all about," said Andy as they drove.
" Yes," replied Ellen. "I still can't believe she loves me."
"Well, she just proclaimed it in front of us..so yeah she does," said Andy.
"Coming to that, guys, we would like that we don't talk about me and Portia much when we are outside. We would like to keep it low for a while. So.." said Ellen.
"Hey, don't worry, we won't say a word", said Mary and Andy nodded.

They reached the office on time.
And just as they stepped out of the elevator, Mary whispered-
" I know you just got the love of your life and you are on cloud nine, but you better stop grinning ear to ear and turn down the energy a bit before we start the meeting. Or else they might think you are high."
Ellen blushed and laughed, " I guess..I should," she replied, as they walked into the meeting.

The meeting went better than expected. The network wanted to renew the talk show for two more seasons and Ellen was only glad to agree.
She couldn't wait to tell Portia. Things were finally settling down