Complicated

Chapter 3

Portia sat, sipping her iced tea at the waiting lounge, scrolling through her iPhone, trying to kill time. She was flying to New York for the movie promotions. A few talk shows and press conferences in New York and then a few in LA. She had only a two day stop in LA, and had to fly out the next day to New York for the US premiere in New York.

Portia took in a deep breath as she thought of meeting Ellen in LA. Portia went through the e-mails, she and Ellen had exchanged in the past one year. Try as hard as she may to unearth Ellen’s feelings, Portia couldn’t succeed. She had mulled over it a lot over the past few months, Whether or not to tell Ellen about her feelings and every time it was a different answer. What if Ellen did not have similar feelings, things between them would get real awkward. Ellen might not want to be friends with her anymore, and Portia couldn’t imagine a world without her. But what if, not telling her ever might just be the biggest mistake of her life.

Portia tried to shift her focus to something else and decided to walk around the many outlets inside the terminal. Two girls caught her attention. It seemed as they were bidding each other goodbye and going different places. Both of them didn’t want to let go of each other, neither one of them wanting to say goodbye. It was a similar scene with her and Ellen a few years back.  

Flashback: 
LAX airport (years back):
Portia was finding it hard to look into Ellen’s eye. Her eyes were moist, almost red and so were Portia’s, two pairs of eyes, each trying to convey a myriad of emotions to the other that the minds were trying hard not to bring up.

“Um...this might sound silly, but I kind of made you something…” said Portia, reaching into her sling bag and holding out a handmade book. “Sorry…I kind of worked on it till the last moment, and didn’t get to wrap it in some fancy paper,”she added.  
Ellen opened it.

 It was a handmade scrapbook, it had pictures from the sets of their sitcom, mostly Ellen and Portia’s but also a few of the other cast members with the date and time when they were clicked along with some quirky comment that Portia wrote next to it. Everyone on the cast and crew they had been friends with had written a few words for Ellen as well. Portia had personally carried it around the sets, hiding it from Ellen and making sure the team managed to write something on it. It was beautiful.

Ellen was speechless. “Thanks…this is…this is beautiful,” she finally managed to say.

“You put so much thought into this.My gift is nothing compared to this,” she added.

“You got me something?”Portia asked, surprised. 

“Yeah, wasn’t going to let you go just like that. But now that I think about it, I should have written a note at least. But then it would not be limited to a note, I mean we have spent so much time together that it couldn’t just be limited to a note, and I would have ended up making a scrapbook as well. But then you know I am not very good at all this creative stuff and I have a terrible penmanship. I have a tendency to ramble as well, so it wouldn’t really have fit in a note,” Ellen went on.
 
Portia started to giggle. Ellen’s rambling, that was one of the cutest things about her, Portia thought. It somehow always made her smile, like now. 

Ellen knew Portia liked it when she rambled. Rambling was her defense mechanism and she needed it more than ever at this moment to control her emotions. It was true that she couldn’t pen down her emotions, because she herself wasn’t sure of it and even if she was, she wasn’t sure about Portia’s.

Ellen pulled out a gift wrapped box, out of her bag and handed it to Portia.  
Portia opened it eagerly. It was a wrist band with a Platinum charm, in the shape of the Hanoverian horse symbol.  

“It’s so cute and beautiful,” Portia said, hugging Ellen.  

“I am glad you liked it, I know you like horses and that they calm you down. And though this sounds silly, you cannot always ride a horse, I mean not to work and all, but this charm can be with you always and remind you of the horses,” Ellen said trying to grin, but her gaze focused on the tile patterns on the floor.  

“It will…thank you so much, it is very thoughtful.”  

Their conversation was interrupted by the airport announcement system, giving out instructions to the passengers. Portia’s flight was also among one of them. The passengers were requested to move towards the security check in. Ellen couldn’t accompany her any further.  
“So, this is it…uh? time to say goodbye…” Ellen trailed off.  “Hmm..”and a nod is all Portia could manage.  

“Portia, I will miss you, everything about you, not the Vegemite jar though. It’s going to be tough, living without you. I have got so used to you. God, this is hard, saying goodbye. Let’s not say goodbye. I mean we will still stay in touch, some way or the other, right?” Ellen said.

“You have been more than what I could have asked for from a friend, Ellen. I will miss you, terribly. Yeah, do stay in touch. I know it will be difficult to do that from Syria. Take care of yourself. But try. Ok?” Portia said. 

Ellen nodded her head, sniffing back her tears. Portia doing the same. 

“One more thing,” Portia said.

“Please be careful, don’t get yourself shot in Syria.” Portia said. 

Ellen let out a faint laugh, “I will try my best.”

They hugged each other tightly, neither one of them wanting to let go. But they had to, eventually. Portia walked off towards the security gates and waved at Ellen one last time, letting her tears flow freely, she was far from Ellen for Ellen to see her tears. Ellen waved back, as tears rolled down her cheeks as well. Ellen stayed, till she could no longer see Portia’s tall figure through the security gates and then walked back, outside the airport terminal into a rainy night, the rain drops washing away her tears.