Without Me (Infinite x Reader)

Chapter 4 ~ Revived

"So, he had implanted a device into my mask as a fallback plan. It wasn't until recently that I was finally able to take the wretched thing out. Ever since, I have not seen the doctor, I don't want to go anywhere near that prick."

Did Infinite just swear? That was the first thing that popped into my mind, but then it was swarmed with other questions. Was Infinite always under Eggman's control? He had 'let soldiers live'?! Everything I thought I knew about him is being proved wrong. I had once believed he follows Eggman's orders. Not anymore, he was forced to. I used to think would kill me on sight if I had ever run into him again. Look where I am now. I thought that he was a ruthless monster. Now it's debatable.

Somethings that Infinite had said caught my attention. He said he doesn't "want to go anywhere near" Eggman. And the doctor sure as hell isn't here. Did Infinite betray the doctor? There was something else, at the very beginning. "When the doctor found me, I was a wreck", Infinite had said. What happened to him before? Does it have something to do with Shadow?

Even Infinite's tone and speech was changing slightly, like he was becoming a different person.

"What happened before Eggman found you?" I mutter weakly, barely opening my eyes. I didn't think of why I was asking this question. Simple idiotic curiosity.

Infinite was silent for a moment. I didn't think he was going to answer until he starting talking again. "I don't speak about the weak person I used to be. Their frailty has already spread enough to me. They're the reason I feel these aggravating emotions."

I clearly wasn't going to get anywhere with that. I wasn't going to push my luck. Infinite has kept me alive, he can easily take that back. But there was one other question I had that stood out from the rest.

"Why do care about suicide?" I ask, struggling to say the final word. It was a general question in need of answering. I need to try and understand why Infinite acts the way he does.

"Because I have attempted it," he replied after a second delay. I was shocked at his words. "Nine times."

I couldn't believe my ears. I rethink the words that were said to make sure I heard it right. It seemed impossible. The enemy who always seemed so egotistical, calm and collected, is actually going through enough pain to feel temptations to end it all?

A silence falls between us.

"Why have you attempted it?" Infinite asks. It was a genuine question. There was no mockery, no scowl in his tone other than his usual cold voice. A simple thought about something not so simple out in the open.

"Just life... it wasn't the greatest." I say, recuperating some strength while I had remained still and had my eyes closed for so long. I open my eyes a bit wider, so I can just about see Infinite. He raises his brows, eyes not impressed.

"Care to elaborate?" he says almost sarcastically. Without the mask, he's like a completely different person.

It was then that I realized that I was talking with the enemy. Talking about our damn triggers like it's normal! He's going to kill you or Shadow eventually and this is what you're wasting your time doing?!

"My parents weren't exactly supportive... of me. Most of my life I've lived at my friend, Kasey's house." I can't believe I actually telling Infinite this. "We were basically siblings." I pause for a moment recalling these painful memories. "Our... Kasey's mom died when we were younger. After that and struggling to move on, we went to the military so Kasey could pay tuition for an art school that they had an eye on. After graduation the top ninety percent of our class, we... went out drinking with other Marines..." It was getting difficult to speak, but I kept forcing the memories out anyway. "W-we weren't even old enough to drink, but we got hammered anyway..." I stare up at Infinite, he was listening silently, intensely. I look away to the ceiling.

"Kasey... takes sleeping medication. And that night when we got back to our room, Kasey took... more than the healthy amount. I think I took some too, even more if anything. But when I woke up... I found them dead." My voice broke slightly, my eyes watered, but I didn't allow them to overflow.

"After that, life just sucked. I stayed in the military because I didn't know what else to do. And I think you can guess that I saw some really bad things when the war started." I close my eyes, the images becoming vivid.

"I was on a recon mission with my platoon, and we were ambushed. My comrade was shot, even though I was standing right next to him, under less cover than him." I felt horrible that I couldn't remember his name. "I-I tried to save him. But he just wouldn't stop bleeding. His lung was punctured, and he couldn't breathe. The blood got everywhere... All over me. And my squad's bodies just kept hitting the ground all around me... One fell o-on me. It was burnt. From an explosion." I just kept trailing off. I couldn't continue anymore. I've already pushed myself past the limit by talking this much.

A moment passes of silence. I take breaths and try a regather energy and willpower.

"I don't know... I just couldn't live like that anymore, dragging my new Resistance comrades down." I mutter, voice strained. "I'm just so weak and pathetic, I know you think that about me too, I don't even care. I'm being so selfish being so upset about the things that happened to me... I know so many people have it worse, yet I'm still like this..."

Infinite wipes some more blood off my head before speaking again a moment later. "That situation you described... with the soldier bleeding out in your arms, was that the flashback you were having before?"

I couldn't find it in me to give a verbal response so I give a painful nod instead, opening my eyes.

"You... You're not weak," Infinite says hesitantly, eyes moving to the side. Unsure how to put the words. "You said you were battling with your depression and urges for two months. That's an impressive amount of time given that I couldn't last a mere three weeks..." 

I didn't know how to feel about this. I couldn't even explain what emotions I felt. Hearing all this from the enemy of humanity was unsettling and odd.

"Infinite?" I eventually ask. He looks down at me, emotionless. "What are you going to do once the Resistance sends Shadow?" He stares for a moment.

"Then my mission is done. I suppose even something that is endless will meet its demise."