Answers Of My Heart (completed)

Chapter eighteen

I'm so sorry for not updating in a while. you all have the right to hate me. School has been giving alot of home work and I had to study. Also I was lost on what to do for this update.  I hope you all enjoy this chapter though. :) From now on I will update every Saturday.

Chapter eighteen : It was a mistake

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updated: Sept 25,2014

I tossed and turned all night. I sat up, then laid back down. My heart raced and I could not understand why. I slipped out of my bed and slowly walked out the bedroom. I felt as if something is wrong . my phone went off and I typed in my password. I went to my text messages. The last person I ever expected to hear from, text me. I locked the phone back and quickly walked to the bathroom on the far end of the second floor.

As I stood there looking in the mirror, I did not feel right. I looked drained, sad, and confused. my hair was out and wavy, and my face held no emotion. I'm not happy anymore. I feel as if I don't belong. What happen to me since daddy died?

'you have been hurt' said a voice in my head.

I closed my eyes shut tight. I could feel the threatening tears. a few years ago I couldn't dare imagine having the feel to dye my hair, change my closet, or get a tattoo, just to feel better about myself. Remembering when I loved being me. I would draw for hours.

everything changed. I died my hair Brown because I felt the need two. dying my hair back blond to its original color makes me feel no different. I changed my closet, and I have a tattoo. I have not drawn a picture since dads funeral.

What's wrong me me? all these years I wrote in my diary about being confident and unique. yet, I find myself doing the complete opposite. Instead of drawing for hours, I am caught crying. crying because I am hurt. "who am I? why can't I stop crying? I am in love with freaking Jake woods! my best friend. It's sad how I can feel my self around him, yet he will never feel the same. I am just his best friend. Nothing more, nothing less.."I whisper to myself, while staring in the mirror. I slowly backed away, leaning my back up against the nearest wall of my bathroom . I buried my face in my hands and cried. my heart just hurts. Problem is I don't know how to make it feel better anymore. I shut my eyes closed as tight as I can,holding back my tears.

That's did not help....

***

"Tori?!" said a familiar voice, while banging on a door. My eyes still shut, I did not budge. "Tori, please answer me! Are you okay ?". I manage to pry my eyelids open, allowing my pupils to roam the sunlit room for a split second, before they snap shut again. It's far too painful looking at light so early in the morning. After letting my eyes recover from the sudden shock of sunshine, I force them open again. But, the same thing happens, and continues to happen for another two go's.

I realize my surroundings. I sat up on my bathroom floor,rubbing my eyes. My head hurts, eyes Most likely puffy and red, and hair a mess. I stood up and confirmed my appearance. I looked like complete shit. Right about now I have the most stink attitude possible. I walked towards the door. I took a slow yet deep breath. Placing my hands on the door handle, and opening the door. As I was about to walk out , I bumped into someone's chest. I can already tell its Jake. his hand on my waist and another blocking me from leaving. I looked anywhere but his eyes.

"I thought you were dead.."He whispered. I pulled back from his hold. He lifted my chin. My hair in my face, as he pushed it behind my ear. "Are you okay?" he ask me,or so I believed that what he said. I did not car for anything right now. I feel confused. That's the only way I can describe how I feel. I nod my head and walk past him. He might have called after me,but i simply blocked him out. However, even then, when he spoke, I only saw the slow movement of his mouth and the quivering of his lips - I couldn't understand what he was saying, maybe its because I didn't want to hear it.