Answers Of My Heart (completed)

Chapter seventeen

Chapter seventeen : heart ache & secrets

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updated: Sept 13,2014

  (not edited)

I turned the volume up on my IPod. My speed picked up and I let my hair blow with the wind. As I passed the people casually walking in the park, my mind ran back to what Jason and Natalie told me. I stayed focus on my running. The music on blast blocked out the sound around me. I could not hear the little conversation of everyone, or the children's laughter. I stopped against a tree and caught my breath. my eyes closed as I inhaled the fresh air.

::Flash back::

"Jake are you okay?" I asked, placing a hand on his shoulder. He looked up and sighed. Jake is the only one I feel like will not lie to me. My heart can't take the constant pain. " I'm not happy T" he said, pulling me out of my depressing thoughts. I looked up into his blue eyes. I have never heard Jake say those words. "I guess we are in the same boat.." I said closing my eyes,and placing my head on his shoulders. "I want to be happy. Happy with someone I can love. I want a girl who will stand by me no matter what. No matter how many stupid mistakes I make, or how many times my idiotic actions hurts her" he said, a couple tears managed to escape my eyes. I quickly whipped them away.

::Flash end::

I gasped for air. Feel a lost of breath. The idea of me not remembering the night of this party annoyed me. Jason and Natalie explained to me what they did. I can't remember it,so I don't know how to feel. The only thing that i keep remembering is Jake opening up to me. Something happen at that party and I feel the need to know. Yesterday Natalie explained to me why she broke up with Jason.

I believe she some how feared their relationship. Meaning, she and Jason were best friends , now they are trying something much bigger realizing they feel more. She pulled out because she feared what will happen if they broke up. She might lose him. Not to mention she hurt me by keeping it a secret, she explained. I understand how she feel about Jason. I guess now that they are not together she is afraid to admit she still actually love him. seeing him, or hearing anyone else speak about him and another girl make her question her choice. Deep down she actually loves him and wants him back.

Love is a painful second hand emotion. It makes us do stupid thing in which we soon regret. We think what we do or who we love will benefit us. In reality we are only playing this two player game,which involves heart breaks. I put back in my head phones and began to run again. We constantly argue that love hurts. The real hurt is rejection, and loneliness. The lost of someone hurts. In my opinion love is sacrificing the faith and admiration of Millions of men for facing hard criticism of one who captures your heart the hardest. 

I began picked up speed realizing I was close to home. suddenly I slammed into a hard chest. I feel back on my but. I looked up and saw...him. I slowly crawled  back from him. I can mentally feel him on me just like in the stair case. He looked at me confused. He pushed out his hand to help me up. I instead pushed his hand away from me and got up. I tried to look him in his eyes but it hurt to much. I looked down at his sneakers and whispered. "please just leave me alone. you heart me already" Before he could respond I ran off.

***

I crawled up against the tree house wall. Tears streamed down my eyes. I felt my insides get tight, suddenly not being able to breathe. Feeling as if the pain is now becoming to much. I closed my eyes shut tighter,it did not help. I could only do one thing. scream. I saw him standing at the tree house exit. He smiled that smile I never could forget.  Still not knowing when I opened my eyes ,I stood up. Clutching my stomach. He opened his arms for me to fall into.