The Loud Crowd

16. Heroes the Second Time Around

Unfortunately, the cross-over with Beneaththelandslide hasn't worked out the way we wanted it to, so its been put on hold. We're both pretty bummed about this, but its for the best for both of our stories! Sorry everyone! 

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Staring at the dress, I realized that a movie premiere seemed oddly surreal after the past day in London. I'd had a golden epiphany set against an indigo sky, I'd broken down on a shabby stage and then experienced the terror that comes with waking in a strangers' bed and not remembering the night. 

And as for the trip back to the studio, well, that had been a dream, equal parts nightmare. It had been terrifying, yet I'd never been happier. Until I woke up on the floor of the studio, cold, alone and very naked.

But rockstardom called for its front-girl, apparently, and Elliot had the band in demand. I was relieved it was a movie premiere that we were needed for - yes I'd have to smile and pretend that we were the perfect group, but at least theatres were dark and there was a chance Nate wouldn't turn up. This was in his best interests, as I had never felt so angry and used. I hadn't hesitated the previous night; I wanted it to happen. I wasn't stupid enough to think all our problems would go away afterwards, but I had felt happy with him, it had been like sleepwalking. For once, we'd been there when we needed each other. 

To wake up like that had felt humiliating and reality had me in a chokehold. 

There was every chance he'd left because we couldn't be found together like that, and he was being sensible. But there was a nagging suspicion in my head that that wasn't the case - whenever Nate got as caught up in emotion and passion as he had then, being sensible was the last thing on his mind. 

I refused to cry, though. Maybe I had used all of my Nate-allocated tears up. Maybe I just didn't know how to react anymore. I would get Elliot's stupid publicity-stunt premiere over and done with for the time being.

In an attempt to distract myself, I was playing You Me At Six from my iPod, focusing on someone else's words, someone else's voice, someone else's relationship. It was a welcome retreat from my own.

My hotel room had a huge vanity table already stocked with cosmetic products that Jessy had deemed 'right for the occasion' and I sat down on the stool with a huff. 

"It can be a game of dress-up," I told myself. "I can look classy for one night. It'll be fun."

My reflection was pale and drawn, but I had refused Jessy's offer of her personally styling me. I just wanted to be alone. I didn't even know if Nate was back at the hotel yet, due to the fact that my door was locked and the music was loud enough for me to feel it in the thick carpets.

I set about transforming my tired face into one suitable for a celebrity event. Instead of piling on the smoky eyeshadow I usually went for, I immediately pushed myself out of my comfort zone and used my fingers to blend blue and green on my lids, swiping on dark eyeliner over the top.

It was good to see some colour, it was a clever way to trick people into thinking I was happy. 

After forty five minutes, I stopped with the make-up. I'd managed to conceal the dark circles under my eyes and the weary expression had been masked with the professional composure of a celebrity at work. My eyes looked incredible, and I doubted that Jessy herself would have produced a better look. 

My hair already fell in waves as opposed to the straight locks I'd had yesterday. Deciding to just leave it, I wondered it anyone would notice that I was attending a classy premiere with only slightly toned down sex-hair. Nate would notice, I realised, feeling my stomach twist in a way that wasn't unpleasant. He knew what it had looked like, afterwards. I smirked in the mirror, fluffing my hair with my fingertips at the roots before spinning around and unzipping the dress bag.