Just can't let her go (Little white Lies sequel)

Chapter 1

"Lola, babe, what film do you wanna watch?" Luke called out from the living room, i'm currently in my flat, reheating some leftover food from the other night for us both.

"Um, I don't mind" I shrug, then remembering he's in the other room so he can't actually see me.

"Horror or comedy?" He asks again and I roll my eyes at the fact that a chick flick isn't even an option.

"Horror" I reply and he doesn't say anything else, so i'm guessing he's flicking through films on netflix. I pick up the two plates and carry them into the room Luke is in and sit on the sofa, he's on the floor trying to pick out a movie - we've connected the lap top to the television so when he clicks on a film, it will play on the big screen which is pretty clever I must say - perks of having a clever boyfriend. I give up waiting for him to choose so I decide to just dig in to my meal before it gets cold and will have to be reheated again. "So what did you do at work today?" I ask casually, a mouth full of food.

"Nothing much, I feel as if I can't really enjoy any of it until I get that promotion" He groans and I nod sympathetically.

"You'll get it babe, i'm certain" I smile at him and he looks up momentarily, returning the gesture.

Me and Luke have been together for a little under a year now, but I wouldn't say I loved him - and he knows that, yes, I certainly have very strong feelings towards him, but he knows that it's going to be a while before I can say those three words again. He knows about the incident that happened back in Holmes Chapel 5 years ago, and he was very sympathetic towards me - too sympathetic for my liking actually, but I wasn't going to complain because finally, I had somebody who understood and was patient with me, I feel as if that's all i've ever really needed. I wouldn't necessarily say i'm over joyed with our living style at the moment, but i'm certainly not unhappy. I'm now 20, Luke is 21 and Harry would be 22 - I say in my mind. We've been living in this flat for around 3 months now. I have a job - not one that I necessarily love, but I get by. I work at forever 21 - they recently opened a new shop in Kent, so luckily I got the job. Luke is an accountant and to be totally honest, I don't really understand what it is that he does but I just pretend I do. My mum and Freya (who's now just under 17)  live about 10 minutes away, and often my sister will come and stay overnight here. It hurts to say this, but me and my mum never really bonded ever since I found them - I mean yeah we spoke, and hugged, but she never asked me what life was like after she left, and how I found myself in Holmes Chapel, I guess she doesn't really care that much. Her boyfriend is a little dodgy and I knew it from the second I met him 5 years back, he had hundreds of tattoos and piercings and constantly stunk of smoke, I know for a fact that he doesn't treat her like she deserves, and that he's certainly some type of dealer. That's why Freya comes and stays here alot - because I don't like her being around him, and Luke completely understands and says that he supports me in whatever it is I decide to do.

He finally picks out a film and I roll my eyes when I see its 'Devil inside', classic. 

"How was your day at work?" He continues the conversation, getting comfy on the sofa next to me and picking up his plate, not hesitating to begin eating - I, on the other hand, am on my last few mouthfuls.

"Fine" I mumble, groaning, he knows how much I hate it there. I want to do something artistic, but Dave - my mums boyfriend keeps telling me I have to aim for something a little more realistic. And thats when I answered with 'and that's why you became a drug dealer', which in fact caused me to be kicked out in the first place, so me and Luke decided it was then the time to move in together. He finishes his meal a while after and doesn't hesitate in wrapping his arm around my shoulder, I rest my head on him, its uncomfortable, but it will do.

Nothing that Luke can do can make me love Harry any less, you'd think after five years I would be over it, turns out not. Ever night, once i'm 100% certain Luke has fallen asleep, I just cry and cry until I finally fall into a peaceful slumber. Nothing can make up for the guilt I feel about leaving like that - saying I was going to see him the next day, and just not turning up. Sometimes I wonder if he ever thinks of me, and sometimes I hope to god he does, then I wouldn't feel like such an idiot for thinking about him all the damn time. Even though I wrote that letter all those years ago, I can still remember near enough to all of it - and i'm not sure whether that's a good or a bad thing. I still remember his eyes - just not how vibrantly green they were. I can still remember the way his lips moved against mine - but I can no longer recall the taste of them. I just want him so badly, I guess i've kind of forgiven him for everything he did, the only thing I can't forget about is that he loved and most likely still loves Emily.

And I want to see him, but he's most likely moved on, and I couldn't bare him thinking that I have aswell, but that is not the case at all - Luke is merely a distraction, that's all - I say to myself in my head as his lips collide sweetly with mine.

first chapter!!!