thin walls / calum hood

2.8

Michael

He wasn't a clingy person. He'd never been a clingy person. If someone had told him a few months ago that he'd be upset about a girl not answering his calls or calling him back, he'd laugh at them. He never needed anyone. But he needed a friend now.

"Please pick up," he mumbled, pacing back and forth in his room.

He'd counted to no more than four steps wall to wall. His nervous pace had become a rhythm, and he kept it going, trying to get rid of everything else he was feeling. It didn't work. Shaky fingers held the phone close to his ear, as he once again heard his call get to voicemail.

Michael didn't know what to do. For the first time, he was completely lost and confused; stuck in a scene he had no power to change the ending of. Was this how he would be punished for mistakes he'd already admitted to? Maybe, Michael thought, he was fated to fail in life. All because of a fucking broken condom. It just wasn't fair. Throwing the phone to his bed, he tried to accept the fact that the one person he felt comfortable enough to talk to about it - his feelings - wouldn't pick up.

She was the only one who would understand. She wouldn't tell him what an irresponsible idiot he had been – he knew that already, he'd told himself plenty of times and it wouldn't change anything anyway – and she wouldn't judge. She knew about his worst sides already, there was nothing to hide. He hadn't even told his parents yet - he wanted to tell her first. Michael would probably panic and freak the fuck out all over again, and then trust that she had something to say that would calm him down.

Still pacing, Michael slowly let it sink in that she wasn't going to answer her phone. He had already called plenty of times with no luck. She wouldn't ignore him - he doubted it. He just felt sad that she was busy when he needed her. He'd tried his best to help her when she was down, and he thought he could count on her being there for him as well. That's how friendship was supposed to work.

Wasn't it?

Waking up to the soft sound of his ringtone, Michael realised he must have fallen asleep somewhere along waiting for her and panicking, trying to figure out what the hell he was supposed to do. He was just so tired from all the thoughts running in circles in his head and the emotions he was forced to feel.

"Hello?" he mumbled, running his free hand over his chin. He hadn't shaved in a few days – it was making him feel rough. To be fair, he had more important things to do than think about such trivial things as showering or eating or sleeping. It was as if his life had come to a halt, and he was living one moment over and over – a loop he couldn't seem to break.

"Mikey, it's me, are you okay? You sound weird."

"Hayley?"

"Yes?"

"I'm not okay," he said, his voice failing him halfway through. He wasn't the only one. Sounded like she was crying as well.

"What's going on?"

"She's pregnant."

"Who? What's happened?"

"She's having a baby. I'm going to be a dad."

"Who? Who are you talking about? Michael?"

He dropped the phone, and fell back on the bed, hands to his face. He still couldn't believe it had happened to him.

There was a sound coming from the phone. Hayley was saying something but Michael couldn't pick up what any of it was. All he could hear was the words he'd previously said out loud, echoing in his head, holding him down in a tight grip.

Pregnant. Baby. Dad.

He wasn't even ready to take care of himself yet. How was he supposed to support a baby when he hadn't even figured his own life out yet?

There was no way. But he couldn't take back previous actions and bad choices. They were there, haunting him forever now. Maybe it was payback – now that he'd decided to make a change it all fell back on him. There was no way to erase the past or previous mistakes. Somehow they had a way of sneaking up on you.

He'd changed, but his past couldn't.

He was actually going to become a dad. Michael couldn't understand how it was even possible. Well, he kind of had an idea of how; what was terrorising him was why it had turned out the way it had. And he hated that there was nothing in his power he could do to take back the things that had already happened. He couldn't undo any of it. It was breaking him.

She'd given him nothing but a text saying that she was pregnant. For a second, he'd thought it was a joke. But then again, who the hell joked about that? Michael had ignored it - thinking that if he just pretended that it didn't exist, maybe it would go away. The next time he opened his phone, the text was still there, the word screaming at him.

Pregnant.

Michael hadn't replied to it yet. He didn't know what to say. It was impossible to find anything that could resonate the way he felt about the whole thing. There was nothing even remotely sufficient. No silly abbreviation or emoji could ever show how he felt, and his words were useless. He couldn't even speak to Hayley about it without his voice cracking at the sound of what he was actually communicating.

He was a mess.

"Mikey, breathe," he heard her say when he put the phone back to his ear. "Talk to me."

"This girl I was with, like, a couple of months ago," Michael tried again, still trying to catch his breath. "She's pregnant."

"And it's yours?"

"That's what she told me."

They both stayed silent, and Michael could only tell she was still there from the sound of her breathing. He wasn't sure what she was thinking or if she was thinking anything at all. He thought she wouldn't judge him, but maybe she was.

"Michael?" she said after a while.

"Yes."

"It'll be okay."

"It won't," he stated, knowing from the different scenarios he'd pictured in his mind that none of them were even close to okay. It was far from it. He didn't have anything to give to the baby this girl was going to have – his baby. Not even money.

"Have you told anyone?"

"No," Michael felt his heart beating faster and his breaths once again starting to fail him. "I'm so scared."

He'd always been good at solving problems, but he had no idea how to get himself out of this one.

-

oh michael :/

i love all your questions for the q&a keep asking stuff and i'll try to post the answers during the weekend

sorry for not being on much ive moved and also im kinda dealing with stuff so im a bit down but hey ho here we go (maybe thats why the last three chapters have been sad sorry about that)

~lauren