Random Thoughts

11

So uh, I'm dealing with depression at the moment, I can't concentrate, and that's the reason why , I can't update my books yet.

It's killing me, not physically, but mentally.

the constant fear of killing my self, to get the bad thoughts out, is making me down.

The thoughts of being selfless, and worthless, makes me want to do it.

It's wrong, I don't even know why I'm writing this, I'm scared to be judged, I'm scared that people will call me crazy or I'm just over reacting.

IM NOT OVER REACTING!

Depression is real, feeling hopeless is not over reacting.

Why is that, the people I need most, the people I have beside me keeps on thinking that I'm just saying this for attention.

I don't need your fucking attention, I just want you to know what I'm feeling, why do you keep on saying that to me.

Whenever I look at the mirror , I look at a dumb , hopeless, selfless, worthless piece of crap.

I know I'm too hard on myself, but you can't say you're too hard on yourself if you feel what I'm feeling right now.

Even putting make up can't hide the depression I'm going through.

Way back when , I put make up on, I feel powerful, I feel beautiful, I feel awesome, I feel like I can do anything and everything.

But now, it's not. I'm not the same person I used to be, I'm not the same person who's confident about herself.

I can't smile, even if I do, it looks fake, it looks like I'm mocking the person infront of me.

I need help.

I need a person who can understand me.

I need a person who will not judge me.

I need a person who will be there whenever I need her.

I know I'm too needy, but u can't blame me.

I don't wanna end up killing myself just because of this depression.

I love life, I love living, but right at this time, I can't say that yet.

If you're dealing with depression, don't be scared to comment down or even dm me, we can get through this. We can.