Old Friends (Janet and Toni Fanfic)

Chapter 62

  Tamar was silent. I knew she was torn. To me, the choice had never been more simple. I wasn't going to continue to allow anyone to disrespect me and my relationship the way Evelyn did.

  "And I know it's going to be hard for you, and for everyone, but shit. That's just where we are now. She's not going to bully me this time. Janet and I are nonnegotiable."

  "Look, Toni, I know how much you love her, but how can you sit here and tell me you have no respect for our mother anymore?"

  "Because She has none for me. Simple as that. And listen, Tamar. I know how you are, you always want to play captain save-the-family. You tried the same thing with her and Dad. But for all of our sake, and mine especially, do not go trying to get her to come around. She made it very clear how she feels about it."

  "But what if she does come around, Toni? You don't know that she won't. She's like you, all tough on the outside, but she can't just... you're her daughter."

  "Then we will cross that bridge if we get to it," I sighed. "But the harsh reality is, Tamar, as messed up as it sounds... she's got four more daughters, and a son, to take care of her. She really doesn't need me," I said grimly. "Whatever fulfillment I have given her in the past, she will find in one of you all."

  I was staring straight ahead into the house. I saw Evelyn peek her head out the window, watching the car. I scoffed to myself. Everything she did seemed so pathetic to me now. I turned my attention toward Tamar, who was wiping her face of her tears. I groaned. "Tay, why are you crying?" I reached out for her arm.
 
  "Toni, this is really hard for me. Y'all—we are supposed to be a family, and piece by piece, we—"

  "It's gonna be alright, Tay."

  "No, because, I love you, and I love what you have with Janet. You know I support y'all two hundred percent. And I'm so torn, because it's Mommy—"

  "I'm not tryna make you choose, Tamar. I don't want you to. You can still come hang out with me, and I'll still come to functions, but I'm not speaking to her. And I'm not gonna change my mind until she changes hers. And apologizes with her last breath. Because I think that's more than what I deserve at this point, for all of the pain she's caused." I ran my hand through my long hair and cleared my throat. Suddenly, this car felt too small. I needed some air and space. "But, anyway, I shouldn't keep you from your evening. I'm gonna go... somewhere." I looked out the window and around at the night. So quiet.

  "What do you mean, somewhere? Go home."

  "No, no, I need to get away. I'll be around, just... call me if you need anything." I pulled my seat belt back around me. I had a full tank of gas and nowhere to be. The possibilities were endless, but I knew I shouldn't go too far away. I felt trapped.

  "Don't be out here all hours of the night by yourself, Toni. For real."

  "I'm gonna be fine. Go on inside."

  "Alright. Bye, Toni Braxton."

  "See ya, Tay."

She got out of the car and rushed back in the house. I waited until she was all the way inside, then left her property to go anywhere else.

Janet

I fixed myself up and cried. I couldn't believe she just left me here like that. I felt frustration more than anything—I couldn't reach her. No matter how much progress I made, there was always going to be a piece of Toni that I felt like I didn't know and couldn't see. And I had no idea how I was going to get to it, or if she would even let me. Emotionally, I was just tired. Tired of looking for that piece, begging for that piece, and being denied over and over again. I loved her more than words could say, but at this point, I wasn't quite sure she understood just how much. Surely, if she did, she wouldn't have left me in this bed, naked, so confused, after all of my patience with her the last few weeks.