Been Here All Along

35| agony

"Thank you for doing this." James voice cracked as he spoke. "We will keep in touch."

What he meant is he will forward them information regarding Ian's funeral, but he couldn't bring himself to utter the words aloud. He thought that maybe if he didn't say it out loud, it wouldn't be real.

James closed the door after they'd left and was left with his family that had fallen apart right before his eyes. Ella was sobbing in Hayden's embrace and Penelope was rubbing Hayden's back with tears streaming down her face. James was fighting tears to be strong for the ones he loves, but it was hard with everyone breaking down around him.

So he let his guard down and joined the family hug, knowing that right now this is all that could be done.

"Mom," Hayden mumbled. "We have to tell Josie."

Ella looked up from her son's shoulder that she was crying into, taking in the scene of her family broken and sad. "That poor girl." It only made her sob harder, thinking about how much love Josie had for Ian. "It's going to break her."

"I have to tell her. She deserves to know."

"He's right," James replied back.

Hayden stepped up, wiped the tears off his face, choked back a sob and picked up the phone to call Josie Pappstein, the love of Ian's life.

Normally, this isn't news to be delivered over a phone call, but there wasn't much else Hayden could do. He couldn't just simply hop on a flight to Florida to tell her in hours time, and he couldn't keep this from her for more than that.

"Hayden!" Josie answered the call enthusiastically. Hayden wasn't even sure his heart could feel more pain until it did. It pained him to hear her enthusiasm that he was going to absolutely destroy. "I wasn't expecting a call from you. How are you?"

Hayden's eyes were threatening more tears, but he held it together for Josie's sake. "Not good, Jos, I'm not going to lie to you."

"What's wrong?" Her voice was laced with a mixture of concern and confusion. Concern because it is her boyfriend's brother, but confusion because, well, in any normal situation, why would Hayden come to talk to Josie about it?

"Where are you right now?"

"Work, in the cafe."

"Go to the back room." He didn't want her to have a complete emotional breakdown in front of a room full of strangers.

"Okay?" Josie said, fully confused now. She had no idea what news she was about to be hit with. I mean, how could she? Who would just assume that type of news would be delivered on what appears to be any normal day? "What's wrong?"

"Josie..." Hayden whispered, his voice cracking. "Ian died yesterday."

At first all he heard was her breath hitch in the back of her throat. It was static silent for a few seconds before there was a crashing sound, like the phone had fallen to the floor and the sounds of her sobbing loudly, practically screaming.

Hayden's attempt to stay strong for her failed at the sound of her loud, devastated cries.

The rest of his family could even hear her through the phone even as he stood several yards away. Penelope was quick to Hayden's side, hugging him. She moved the phone away from his ear and had to end the call, knowing Josie wouldn't be able to talk on the phone right now anyway. All they could do was hope that someone was there comforting her the way they were comforting one another.

James was eventually able to usher Ella into their bedroom, leaving Hayden and Penelope alone.

Hayden had control over his emotions for the most part by now, but he still had no words. He stared blankly at the game of monopoly right in front of him. It didn't seem to make sense to him that one minute he was fighting over Boardwalk with his father, and the next, he was getting informed that his little brother had died.

"Babe," Penelope said softly.

"My little brother, Pen. That was my little brother." Without even thinking, Hayden picked up the monopoly board by its corner and violently flipped it. The pieces and cards on it went soaring around the room. "He was the best damn kid that I've ever met. He was supposed to live a long and happy life and marry the pretty girl he's loved since the minute he met her. I was supposed to die long before he ever did. This is fucked up."

"I know, Hayden," she said softly. Yet again, her eyes were watering. It's hard watching your spouse hurt like this, knowing there is absolutely nothing to say or do to help.

"He was supposed to be our kids' uncle. They would've loved him because he's so immature, yet educated. You only got to meet him a couple times and that's not fair. I wanted you to really know him," Hayden ranted on and on. "He was the best." His last sentence came out quiet, the reality all seeming to sink in at once.

"From those few times I have met him, I saw how great of a man he was. His courageous acts are not going unnoticed and unappreciated."

"His whole life was a courageous act," Hayden mumbled softly, thinking about all of the years he was lucky enough to spend growing up with Ian.

•••

Omg stop I'm literally depressed like you guys have no idea how much this hurts my heart, I've cried EVERY TIME I even thought about writing this chapter... it's been part of the plan since I came up with the outline of the story though...
How are y'all? Sad? Me too!

Sorry about the lack of updating I've been on vacation in Florida as some of y'all know, so I haven't had a lot of downtime!

I'm for real sitting here trying not to cry as I post this...

Well...
Don't forget to...
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B.E. Better Everyday