Simply Complicated || s.m. + c.c.

20

Time clicked by on the wall, tick by tick echoed in the silent room.
Not a fly nor a breathing was heard.

She thought she isn't breathing in one part of the time as she sat in Shawn's bedroom on the floor next to the window.
Camila let out a sigh, heaviness falling of her chest.

She slid a metal on her finger and looked at it miserable. Chuckling she took it off and threw it across the room. The sound of it hopping on the floor made her ears hurt.

As she was in her daydreaming she didn't hear room door open, just as footsteps came closer she shocked out of her thoughts.

"Hey, what's wrong?" Shawn asked her looking her worried.

She smiled gazing at him, he was gorgeous.
Tight black jeans, pair of booths and white T-shirt. But what she liked on him the most wasn't his style, it was his smile. She felt just completed when he smiled at her. His eyes, reflecting his soul.

Then Camila looked out of the window and sighed "I - um" she couldn't say the words.

Then she felt him sit down next to her, "take your time" he said.

Was she gonna tell him?
Does she dare?

She even questioned herself.

"I can't" she exhaled her head falling down. He wrapped his hands around her and sighed.
"Camila baby, you can tell me anything"

She felt like crying, but she isn't gonna be weak. She isn't coward.

Resting on his shoulder she sniffed, saying "I don't know why I am living this life anymore"

That did deeply hurt him.
"What do you mean?" He kissed her head wanting her to feel more comfortable.

"Everything's going down" he let of her looking at her eyes, he kept quiet.

"Like - I don't know. I'm scared, to do anything, I'm scared to live another day because it feels so absurdly"

"Absurdly?" She heard the thorn in his voice and it made her anxious.

"I - I saw Matt-hew today" his eyes widened "what? when?"

"I met him"

He chuckled pathetically "why would you do that Camila?!" He sounded disappointed.

"I wanted to see him and to disgust him Shawn -" he sighed "it didn't go as planned as I can see" she shocked her head.

"No, I am so - lost now and - I'm just lost. - he was the first person who I liked, loved - he was the first person who ever hurt me in every way and ruined my life"

Loved
Ruined

A basic heartbreak? Not this one. He knew it.
For some reason she was in relief because she told him - and he deserved to know everything. But it felt wrong.

"He could have hurt you, aren't you aware? That - you met him?!"

Is he blaming her?

"Why Mila, without me why"

"What without you? Who are y -" she stopped and her eyes widened in alarm. What the hell is she thinking of. How could she even thought about that.

"Who am I?" He stood up furiously, she followed him "I didn't mean that way" she panicked her eyes started to water.

"I am the man who loves you!" He yelled out loud hoping a whole world could hear him.
One tear dropped down her cheek, she felt her heart bumping out her chest.

"You can't love me Shawn" she whispered, he made her weak.

"Why not? Huh?" He was mad so mad it made her scared.

"B - because I'm fragile -" she swallowed the shame deep in her soul she didn't even understand.

"Yeah, but you let him love you, he made you feel that way, it is not my fault that I fucking love you!" Rage in his voice was so strong that he felt his blood pressure rise. He saw how he scared her or how he made her weak but he couldn't care less in that very moment.

"I'm sorry -"

"Yeah right you're sorry" he chuckled "that's all you have to say a sorry?"

"Shawn, you're ridiculous" he rolled his eyes and started walking out of the room. She didn't know what to do but she followed him. This can't end like this.

She saw him take a glass of water and drink it "what did he say?" he sounded calmer now.

She played with her fingers nervously "he um - apologized, said that he hopes I find a better man" his eyes met hers "he - said many sorrys and he -"

"Did you forgive him?" He asked her and she shocked her head "no of course not"

"Well I hope you'll forgive me for loving you" she sighed and one more tear fell down "Shawn -"

"I'm sorry you don't feel the same way Camila"

The breaths she was taking were so heavy, she couldn't breath but every more breath she took it hurt her more.
Her lungs, her heart, her soul, her feelings.

"I didn't say that I don't feel the same way"

He turned away from her "you didn't say anything to convince me to believe the different"

Many more tears fell down her face, she closed her eyes and heard him moving closely.
She felt his hands on her cheeks "just don't cry no more, it hurts me" then pair of soft warm lips touched her forehead.