so i rlly wanted to write this down bc its what i truly feel. not sth i want to feel, but something i know and feel. plus it also has things about me with is the actual truth and ive kind of wanted to be secretive but it doesnt rlly matter. whatever ill just start.
(actually just skip this first fkin paragraph it mypersonal life)
So, as a child i was appreciated a lot just like any other child, but as i grew up the appreciation from other was lesser and lesser. plus due to continous problems in my family my mom left when i was in 4th grade. that was one of the worst times ive had. bc like my mom wasnt there and my dad well he isnt a good person. like bish he's 40-sth and he still doesnt know the difference b/w good and bad. he used to beat up my mother. In 4th grade after the summer break i had to study on my own and i did terribly. After the exams i was very dissappointed so i cried at school. Then in 5th grade my mom came back. and that day i was so happy. but my parents were arguing and i wanted her to stay ofc so i tried my best to convince me father. i cried too much that day, enough that i had a fever for the next 3 days. but then after a few months there was the same problem again. my parents used to argue and my dad would often beat up my mom
i started having a lot problems at that time. due to my mother's absence i depended a lot of my one and only fren. and then when there were more problems i wanted to get away from it. so my friend had a weird dream and i found that a perfect opportunity and unknowingly made up a story. that is when Aiona came in being. and all the other shit. youd that if you followed @Princess_Aiona. i.e. my previous username. That extrnded a long time. slowly my imagination led up to lies. then to bigger lies and it was just Aiona. I considered so highly of myself i wanted all the attention id missed during these years bc my father didnt support. i wanted people to know me. so i came to the mythical community. i saw Kira and Ethan and other ppl in the Mythical community and wanted to copy them. So i built another base of lies.
To me it wasnt lies. it was MY REALITY. MY "REAL" WORLD. i even dragged 4 of my friends into it. My irl fren realized soon it was a base of lies. she discontinued and began to live a normal human life.
i had a mental breakdown. when i realized. i wanted to forget. i lived everyday feeling dead inside. i also wanted to die and i did a lot of self harm at that time. but then i.. saw a ray of hope 🌈 i used to read Luciel's old journals and absolutely anything He'd written. and it helped me a shit ton lot. it wasnt a short proccess it took me months.
I often complain to myself. i have ton of even more difficult problems, But now, I know, what it is to be Human.. or rather A being at least. i dont know anything about myself, But i know who i am. I have no idea what i have to do. what Divine Purpose i am here for. But yet I know what to do Bc i FEEL it in My BEING. Its there in the EXISTENCE of ME.
I have felt things that people have not. i still see. i am different. I have seen the beauty normal people might not be able to. bc this is the life where i know the REAL world. Away from materialism. Away from Sadness. The true beauty of the world. the freedom existing without us reaching it.
Humans arent bad. Theyre wonderful creatures. Everyone, Even them have a purpose. A divine purpose they will complete. But they Often.. No, they Mostly are involved in the materialism so much they forget to look around and search the purpose their the existence is for. and then end up doing wrong things. Just like i did. Everyone does wrongs.
Well thats all i need to say for now.
MythicalFamily please try to understand what you've put yourself into.
