Night in the Ruts

Lightweight Gone Wrong II - Charlie

        "Yeah, that's not a good idea," he replies bluntly.

        "Why not?" I demand.  "I wanna come."

       "No you don't," he says with a laugh.  "All we do is smoke and drink and forget about everything."

        "So?"

        "You never want to join us when we– Oh.  Don't do this to yourself," he says, realizing something.

        "Don't do what?" I ask, eyeing the joint in between his fingers.

        "You know exactly what you're doing," he replies.

        "Shut up," I say, reaching for the joint, no longer thinking.

      Nobody wants to hang out with me because I'm boring: that's it.  Steven broke up with me because I'm boring and he's unhappy with that.  Nicky doesn't want to bring me along because I'm boring.  It only makes sense.  Well, to that I say no more!  No more boringness.  No more same old Charlie.  It's time to be un-Charlie and like it.

        In what seems like slow motion, I pull the thing up to my lips.  Nicky's shock leaves him frozen.  Just before I go to breathe in, Nicky pulls the joint out of my mouth.  "You don't really wanna do that," he says.

        "Yeah I do," I reply, taking it back.

        "No, you don't."  He holds my wrist.

        "Oh, contrare," I reply, leaning my head down.

        "Really, Charlie.  Stop it."

        "Oh, c'mon," I say.  "Every other time you offer me one and the one time you don't offer, I take it and you don't want me to have it!  I can't be boring anymore.  I gotta have amazing times and regret it in the morning.  I gotta have so much fun right now and not give a shit when something bad happens.  Just let me have the fuckin' joint, Nicky."

        "No, Charlie."

        "Yes."

        "I said no."

        "Why?"

        "Because you're upset that Steven broke up with you.  That's why," he says dully.  "I'm not gonna let you do this to yourself.

        Despite the pang in my chest, I shook my head.  Even though his statement is almost completely true, I try to tell him it's false.  "No, I just wanna hang out with you guys tonight.  I've got nothing better to do."

        Nicky looked at me, evidently dubious.  "You really wanna come hang out with us?" he asked, studying my tear-streaked face.

        I wiped my eyes.  "Yeah," I said with all the certainty I could muster.  "I do."

        Nicky sighed.  "Well," he said, "clean yourself up then, I guess."  He sounded so reluctant.  Almost reluctant enough to convince me not to go.  But for some reason the burning want for me to not be boring overruled that.

        I wiped off my face and tried my best to smile.  Nicky grinned back, but it was more if a pitiful grimace.  "Ready?" he asked.

        I didn't reply.  I just followed him down the stairs.  "Bye, Nicky!" his dad called.

        "Later," Nicky muttered.

        "No later than eleven," his mom said.

        Nicky didn't respond to that.