soft - woosan

chapter 15

this only brought another blow, and warm blood sprung over the fresh bruising of his skin. "this is a lesson, san. i'm not punishing you. you're learning-"

"no." san spat back, withdrawing his quivering hands and standing up abruptly. "it's not up to you, to tell me who to love."

he took a shaky breath, fire in his eyes as he glared at the man who was supposed to be making everything better. "you don't get to decide that. only me."

with those words, san ran from the study, partially out if fear jongun might retaliate. but the man was in too much shock to make a move.

he slammed and locked the door of his bedroom, ignoring the dull throb in his hands as he backed away from the door and pressed himself to the wall, as if to put as much distance between jongun and himself as possible.

he never dared hit me before.

it seemed things were changing, then. but despite the fear he just felt, he also felt proud he could stand up for himself more.

and disbelief that he was stupid enough to pose wooyoung as his boyfriend.

"you are such a goddamn idiot, choi." he chided himself aloud, examining the new bruising to his knuckles and the dry blood caking around them.

he almost laughed. am i more worried about my conservative step-father hitting me, or lying about having wooyoung as my boyfriend?

a sharp, frantic knock sounded on his door, and san looked up quickly in fear as the handle was tried. locked.

he held his breath, until the shrill voice of his mother sounded through the wood. "san, honey? it's me."

he slowly advanced to the door, unlocking it ever so slowly, and opening it to allow his mother through.

"i heard shouting. is everything-" her gaze found the red mark on his face, and found the hands he was trying to hide. "oh my god. oh my god." she whispered, eyes brightening with shock and tears.

"show me- show me your hands, honey." he reluctantly uncoiled his fists and displayed his hands to her, unable to look her in the eye.

"it's- it's only the first time. and it's not too bad." san tried smiling assuringly, speaking the truth.

"another one." his mother laughed in disbelief and his heart clenched for her. "why must i always pick the wrong men, sannie?"

he drew his mother into a tight hug, savouring these moments of care with her tenderly. "it's not your fault. it's mine, mommy. for being this way."

his mother shook her head vigoressly, a little cry escaping her. "it's not your fault." she repeated after him, "i'll talk to him. you don't deserve this, honey. there's nothing... wrong with you."

she left soon after, the sweet motherly moment over between them. san sometimes wondered if she was embarrased to be comfortable with him, because he had seen her in her darkest times and stayed with her all the while.

but she shouldn't feel she owed him anything. he was her son, after all.

san closed the door once more, quietly this time, and finally collapsed onto his bed. riiinngg.

you have got to be kidding me.

he picked up the phone, rubbing his eyes and sighing audibly while flexing his ruined hands. "hello?"

"san." it was yunho. "it's yunho. i heard about... felix."

a moment of silence passed over the line, and san couldn't think of a reply. "yeosang is mad at you. but... i'm not."