soft - woosan

chapter 14

"i can promise you it isn't." wooyoung whispered into his hair, placing his chin on the top of his head. "although he may not admit it, jongho cares. and your friends."

san shook his head weakly against the other's chest, unable to understand why anyone would care about him. "they only feel sorry for me."

"why?" the other questioned soothingly, never ceasing his slow rubs and quiet shhing.

"because of my dad. my real dad. he'd dead, wooyoung, and i'm glad. he made my mother's life hell. and mine. no one was sorry to see him go. but they all know. and they think i'm damaged, they think i'm breakable, like if they don't act like they care i'll shatter." san poured out honestly, which was quite ironic seeing as he was breaking right now.

"i don't think you're breakable." wooyoung pressed a feather kiss to his head, looking down at him earnestly. "i think you're strong."

san laughed, pulling away from him slightly and sniffling. "you barely know me."

"maybe that's what you need," wooyoung gave a small smile, an unexplainable look passing over his eyes. "someone who doesn't know you. who won't judge or treat you based on what they know."

san regarded this for a moment. "maybe," he agreed sadly, "but from the start, i have judged you based on what i know and have heard."

"and rightly so," wooyoung pursed his lips, not bothering to deny the words. "but maybe all you've heard is wrong. if it were true, would i be here now? with you?"

"no. and that's what i can't trust. i don't know which parts of it are real."

wooyoung, considered this, looking at san with worried eyes before sighing. "in the beginning, it was the bet. getting you to like me a little. my own little touch. but i never planned- i never planned the rest."

san had about expected as much, but the words still hurt. "so in the end, you were fake, too."

"no," wooyoung shot back. "i wasn't. i'm not. i was never supposed to kiss you, or want to protect you. that was never part of the bet. i hate messing with you, san, and i want this to all be clear."

"are you clear on your feelings?" your feelings for me? because i'm not sure of mine for you. none of it makes sense. but he didn't say any of that.

"no," he replied again, truthfully. "you have to understand, i was brought up believing it was wrong to like another boy. it was how i was taught."

"so was i," san stared at the other coldly, a haunting look in his eyes. "yet here i am, accepting myself. i know who i am." that was the biggest lie he ever told. san feared he would never know he was. he struggled with that every day.

"well, it's harder to accept for me." wooyoung suddenly drew him into an embrace again, resting his chin on san's shoulder. "yet here we are."

"here we are." san repeated, his arms hanging limply at his sides.

they remained like this for a few seconds, wooyoung hugging him while san calmed down, not hugging back but not drawing away.

until the bathroom door barged open, and someone frantically invaded their space, loudly making his entrance.

"san!" wooyoung let go of san in surprise, startled by the intruder.

"i heard what happened- what's he doing here?" the intruder, felix, eyed the two suspiciously, eyes darting worriedly between them.

san cleared his throat, a blush traitoressly creeping onto his cheeks. "i-i'm okay."

felix ran up to him, holding onto his arms and scanning his face over a few times. "are you sure? i know-"