The Matinbury Estate

Chapter Six: AeTeRnUm

"Very nice, girls!" Isa shouted enthusiastically. My friend giggled and brushed her hair back. She was shy. She didn't say much to anyone else here, but she did talk to me. She didn't know Isa enough to see that this enthusiasm wasn't real. Something was wrong with Isa. "I think Kassidy has some food for you inside!" she said. "Maybe you can go ask her about it."

"I'll catch up with you," I said to her. She seemed confused and awkwardly walked towards the house. I looked towards Isa.

"What's wrong, Grandma?" I only called her Grandma occasionally. Isa was slow to respond. She looked at the ocean waves silently. Something was really wrong. I swallowed and asked again. "Grandma? Are you okay?"

"You should go check on your friend, Julia."

"She can wait. She's with Kassidy. What's wrong Grandma? It's the fourth of july. You shouldn't be sad today."

"There is nothing wrong with me." She said this as dryly as Kassidy would say things. I was taken aback by this. Grandma never spoke to me like this. She was always laid back and deep and kind. Why was she shaking me off like this?

"I just wanted to know if you are okay? Its scares me when you get like this."

"You are a very smart girl, Julia. You can tell when I'm troubled. Go check on your friend." She said this even drier than before. I felt some tears trickling down my cheek.

"Why, Grandma?"

"I would like to be left alone."

I put my head on her shoulder and wrapped my arms around her. Maybe this would help. "Grandma. You can tell me and maybe you'll feel better."

"Check on your friend, girl!" Isa pushed me away and I stepped back in shock. My jaw began to quiver. Tears poured down my face. How could she do this? How could she be so mean to me? I was just trying to help her. Didn't she want help? Didn't she want to feel better?

"It's alright," I said angrily. "You're not my mother."

Isa turned around and looked at me. She was crushed and my heart sunk into the pit of my stomach. I couldn't believe I had just said that to Isa. I hated myself. I hated her. Why did I say that? Was it so wrong to want to be alone? "I'm sorry," I said through my tears. I choked and ran. I just wanted to help. The look that Isa gave me. I was so filled with guilt that I wanted the ground to swallow me up. I wanted to go to my room and hide there forever.

It happened so fast. Why had I said that? She just wanted to be alone. She was a mother to me. She was a good mother. I loved her so much. I would never be able to move past me saying that to her like she was dirt. Why did I say that? My mind began to run in circles as the tears fell. I ran through the flower garden. My friend was probably in the kitchen waiting for me. I didn't want her to see my tears. Isa let me have her over. She said that she would never do that. But she did it to make me happy. I paid her back with spite and I was terrible to her.

I stormed into the kitchen. I saw Kassidy carrying a bucket of bleach and a stack of towels. I didn't know why. She saw that I was crying and rolled her eyes. God, I hated her. She thought that she was so much more superior to me. And she was right. She looked at me like an insect she wanted to crush. I hated her so much. I kicked her and hit her. I screamed in her face. I needed to fight someone even though I was the one I wanted to beat on the most. Kassidy was unmoved and simply pushed me out of the way. She had more important matters to attend to.

I walked through the living room towards the stairs. Where was my friend? Where had she gone? I didn't want to face her right now. I stormed up the stairs more mad at myself than anyone downstairs. I was worried that she would be in my bedroom waiting for me. I needed to get these tears out of my eyes first. Isa practically was my mother. She had taken care of me since I was two years old. The look on her face was what stung the most. It was burned into my mind. I jumped into my bed. Silence followed.