Fragile Hearts (TID - Will Herondale fanfic)

Chapter 73: Learn To Bear It

Will stood on the cold steps of the Institute without a coat or hat, looking out into the frost-dusted night. The wind blew tiny drifts of snow against his cheeks, his bare hands, and he heard, as he always did, Jem's voice in the back of his head, telling him not to be ridiculous, to get back inside before he gave himself the flu.

Winter had always seemed the purest season to Will-even the smoke and dirt of London caught by the chill, frozen hard and clean. That morning he had broken a layer of ice that had formed on his water jug, before splashing the icy fluid onto his face and shivering as he looked in the mirror, his wet hair painting his face in black stripes. First Christmas morning without Jem in six years. The purest cold, bringing the purest pain.

"Will." The voice was a whisper, of a very familiar kind. He turned his head, an image of Old Molly rising in his mind-but ghosts so rarely strayed from where they had died or were buried, and besides, what would she want with him now?

A gaze met his, level and dark.

"Jessamine," he said.

"Merry Christmas, Will."

His heart, which had stopped for a moment, began to beat again, the blood running fast in his veins. "Jessamine, why-what are you doing here?"

She pouted a little. "I am here because I died here," she said, her voice growing in strength. It was not unusual for a ghost to achieve a greater solidity and auditory power when they were close to a human, especially one who could hear them. She indicated the courtyard at their feet, where Will had held her in her dying moments, her blood running onto the flagstones. "Are you not pleased to see me, Will?"

"Should I be?" he said. "Jessie, usually when I see ghosts, it is because there is some unfinished business or some sorrow that holds them to this world."

She raised her head, looking up at the snow. Though it fell all around her, she was as untouched by it as if she stood under glass. "And if I had a sorrow, would you help me cure it? You never cared for me much in life."

"I did," Will said. "And I am truly sorry if I gave the impression that I cared nothing for you, or hated you, Jessamine. I think you reminded me more of myself than I wished to admit, and therefore I judged you with the same harshness I would have judged myself."

At that, she did look at him. "Why, was that straightforward honesty, Will? How you have changed." She took a step back, and he saw that her feet made no impression in the dusting of snow on the steps. "I am here because in life I did not wish to be a Shadowhunter, to guard the Nephilim. I am charged now with the guard of the Institute, for as long as it needs guarding."

"And you do not mind?" he asked. "Being here, with us, when you could have passed over..."

She wrinkled her nose. "I did not care to pass over. So much was demanded of me in life, the Angel knows what it might be like afterward. No, I am happy here, watching you all, quiet and drifting and unseen." Her silvery hair shone in the moonlight as she inclined her head toward him. "Though you are near to driving me mad."

"I?"

"Indeed. I always said you would be a dreadful suitor, Will, and you are nigh on proving it."

"Truly?" Will said. "You have come back from death like the ghost of Old Marley, but to nag me about my romantic prospects?"

"What prospects? You have been with Ella, taking her around London, laying in the same bed as her, but have you proposed to her? You have not. A lady cannot propose to herself, William!"

Will shook his head. "Jessamine, you are incorrigible."

"I am also right," she pointed out. "What is it you are afraid of?"

Will hesitated, then said, "I fear that if I do state my intentions, she would decline. She had just killed her Father, and lost her Brother to a woman. And Jem..."