The Silent Language of Grief{ON HOLD}

Chapter 1- Silent Impression

CHapter 1

'Sometimes one creates a dynamic impression by saying something, and sometimes one creates as significant an impression by remaining silent.'

~~~~~Aprils point of view~~~

I sat on my bed starring at the ceiling. Its the middle of summer and the only thing that I've done so far is stare at the ceiling, read about nineteen books, three of which I had already read a few time, and oh yeah I babysat my three year old sister.

Wow! Aren't I just the awesomest 17 year old ever? Note the sarcasm. I flip myself onto my belly and study the stain on my carpet.

"April Anna Mary Lee Jane Louisa Elizabeth- muph." I cut my twin sister off by chucking a pillow at her. Yes! right in the face!

Don't get me wrong I love my Alexia but she can drive crazy me sometime. In case your wondering none of those are actually my names, well except April.

Before my sister goes off on me for whatever she came to go off on me on about, perhaps I should tell you a little more about myself.

My name is April. April Jolene Philips. As I mentioned earlier I'm 17. There are four of us kids. My older sister Sofia. She's 21, just got married last year to her long time best friend James. They are a really cute couple, and Im happy for her but I also miss her like crazy.

Then there's me and my twin, Alexia. Alexia is out going, independent and absolutely nothing like me, I'm quite shy and so indecisive even I think its ridiculous. Alexia is petite with a hourglass figure, she has curly blonde hair cut in a short bob with blue eyes, she goreous. The blue eyes are the only thing that give away the fact that were siblings. I have frizzy crazy mop of black curly hair that goes almost to my butt, I'm about 5'7" and with no hips and a close to non-existing butt. Yeah we aren't identical.

Then there's Ruby. She's three. I don' think the name Ruby fits her at all so I call her Alice. Mom had thought about naming her that but when she was born decided against it. The thing is though it fits her perfectly. She has blonde hair, blue eyes, she's always perkey and way to curious for own good. As soon as I realized how much like Alice (from Alice in wonderland) she was I started calling her that

Sigh. I guess i should explain a little more about myself. Well you see for the past 10 year I haven't spoken. Well okay I've only spoken when I have to. I used to talk to Sofie a lot but when she got married that kinda stopped. It was never personal stuff that we talked about, more when I wanted to have fun. When I need to talk to someone now I take Alice to somewhere private and talk to her. Sad right? My confidant is a three year old.

Now before you jump to conclusions, no nothing traumatic ever happened to me to make me stop talking. I'm sure your asking ' Why don't you talk April? If you can talk, and nothing bad happened then what's wrong with you!?' Yes sadly I've heard that question too many time. To tell you the truth I don't know what is wrong with me.

The doctors my mom made me go to called it Selective Mutism(SM). you never heard of it before? Well don't feel to bad neither had any of us. The basically I have such a strong social anxiety that I literally cant speak. Do you know how it feels to be told you have a mental illness? To have every one think you stupid or just a plain old nut case? Let me tell you it doesn't feel good. Apparently most people with SM speak to their family but I guess I have it so badly that I truly cant.... I wish with all my heart that I could. My family tells me they love me, that there's nothing wrong with me and that They understand. But I know that they don't understand, that I do have something wrong with me. Even though I know they love me, I also can tell that there hurt that i wont speak to them, and I know that there ashamed of me, even if they wont admit it to themselves I know they are.