Devotion // Patrick Kane

21 • STORM

Patrick felt his heart lurch at the sight of her shaken form (all his anger and nerves because of her were gone), "wait right here." Parker stood there awkwardly in the hallway, until Patrick returned. He had a pair of sport shorts on and a t-shirt. In his hands was a pillow and blanket, "I'll sleep on your couch if that'll make you feel more comfortable."

"Please." she nodded enthusiastically, "thank you, I don't want to be alone."

"You don't have to be, let's get you some sleep now." Patrick wrapped an arm around her as they walked back into her place. She leaned into him feeling much better now than before. Feeling a wave of comfort wash over her body felt like a massive relief after feeling so stressed.

They entered Parker's apartment silently. It had to have been a week since they last spoke. The two were doing circles around each other and the truth.

Parker carefully got under the covers of her bed, Patrick had discarded his stuff on the couch and came into her room. He sat on the side of the bed and helped her situate herself better. There was clear tension between the two as they knew about each other's feelings for another. Every time he saw Parker he couldn't focus but now he felt lost realizing they were both digging themselves into a hole.

"I miss you.." the young girl mumbled quietly. It was barely audible but he heard it, and it made his heart wrench.

Patrick sighed as he felt horrible. Softly he ran his hand down her hair and her body immediately relaxed at his touch, "Me too. Been weird without you.."

"Did I mess things up?" she was crashing, her eyelids hardly able to stay open. Patrick moved his body so she could lay her head on his lap,

"What makes you think that?" He continued to run his fingers through her hair, he didn't want to upset her. He knew this wasn't all her fault. But right now, looking angelic laying there, her eyes starting to stay closed. She nuzzled into him.

"I don't know. Things.." She moaned, starting to wish she just kept her mouth shut. But right now she felt sleep deprived and not in the right state of mind. Her emotions were all over the place, especially with him so close.

"I could never be upset with you. Okay?"

"Okay. I just.."

"Why don't you get some sleep. Just try to relax, we have a day off tomorrow too.."

"I guess. I'm sorry for waking you up by the way." Parker sat up, running a hand through her hair while staring at him with blurry eyes. She felt millions of miles away from even though she sat by his side. It pained her to lay down with her back turned to him.

"Don't worry.." Patrick sighed as she turned herself away from him. He wanted to lay right next to her, wrap her in his arms and tell her it was okay; that he wasn't going to let go of her ever.

He knew he was messing this up, or at least that's how it felt. She was clearly hurt by how things were going between them, it was in great contrast to before. But knowing that when she was terrified in her bed alone, she thought of him. She wanted him to be there for her even with how their dynamics suddenly changed. They were such close friends but that wasn't going to cut it anymore.

           Patrick laid on the couch listening to the sound of the rain falling. He always found nights like these to be calming, thunderstorms and all. His thoughts were stuck on Parker who was probably in the other room still awake. He remembered the night they watched a movie and he helped put her to bed, just like minutes ago.. Except this time it felt different. Before he had restraint, now his emotions were making his already tired state feel hazy. He wished he could have stayed with her like she asked, but he couldn't. Not yet.

A loud boom of thunder sounded out of nowhere. It made him immediately want to go into Parker's room to see if she was okay. But he was stuck to the couch. His protective nature felt useless as there was a boundary he couldn't cross.

This was the final straw for him. He couldn't let Parker avoid him, and he couldn't avoid his feelings any longer. If he had just manned up and asked her out, he could be comforting her the way she needed right now- not on the couch. He hated this and the frustration that crept into his whole body. Feeling powerless was something Patrick absolutely hated, especially when it came to his loved ones.

•••

The storm had subsided in the early hours and the City of Chicago was now peaceful again. It was just another Thursday, everyone going about their daily lives. However, Parker awoke with a headache and feeling loads of regret. She sat up in her bed scared of what her next move should be; go out and face Patrick or.. there was no other option, he was on her couch. Last night had been bad, she wished she'd had the strength to not need him.

Parker carefully made her way out of her bed. The sun was shining through the curtains and it made her wince. She felt horrible; mind and body. In the mirror she saw her tired face and messy hair staring back at her. In a few steps she'd have to face the man she'd fallen for, and was pushing away. There was clearly hurt between them, and she was scared that he would want nothing to do with her. In a few steps she'd be finding out.

    "Oh hey.." As Parker walked out of her room and into the living room, Patrick was sitting on her couch as she had expected. He appeared to be scrolling through something on his phone. Seeing him practically took the breath out of her, he had such a control over her that he didn't even realize. She could stare at him for hours, take in every detail of him. Never had she felt this smitten for someone.

"Hi," he looked her over, "sleep okay?"

"Mhmm." she nodded, even thought it was a lie. He definitely looked much better than she did.. looked nice and rested which made her feel jealous.

"That's good. Doing better?"

"Yeah. Sorry for last night.. still."

"Huh, thought I told you not to worry about that?" Patrick tried to smile at her. He wanted her to come closer, to quit making him feel anxious by how awkwardly she stood there.

"You did but.. I don't know."

"What's wrong? Like actually."

"Nothing!" Parker retorted immediately.

"Parker.." Patrick got up from his position on the couch and made his way over to her in long strides, "talk to me." he said calmly as he now stood in front of her, having to force himself not to hold her tight.

"No.."

He sighed not sure if he could take this back and forth anymore, "let's go do something."

"What?"

"Just go get dressed."

"Okay?" she stared at the floor. What could he want? His voice was stern, but there was something else she couldn't place.

"Meet you back here in 10? I promise it'll be worth it, just please bear with me. A little longer." He tenderly touched her arm, "trust me."

"Alright, I'll get ready." she was too tired to argue with him or try to pry. She trusted him enough where she felt it probably wasn't needed either.

She felt her blood start to rush, palms beginning to sweat as she walked back into her room. Her mind was hazy with thoughts about what Patrick wanted, and it worried her. Parker knew he had every right to get mad at her, say whatever was on his mind because of how she acted. But Patrick wouldn't do that, she knew him. He was so kind to her he'd practically do anything for her. But right now, none of that calmed her.