it's friday. thank god. today is the day i meet up with ethan at 6. i'm nervous. what could could he want to talk about that's so important. maybe cancel? no, he really wants to talk, so it has to happen. i just got out of school and it's 4. that gives me two hours. driving home i just blasted music to keep the curious thoughts eating my brain alive quiet. i got home at 4:37. i still have time to get ready.
i walked up to my room and pulled out my make up bag to do some touch ups. fix my foundation, mascara, and just comb my eyebrows. i put my hair up in a high pony tail and changed into leggings and a sweater and then started on some home work.
what felt like only a few minutes later my phone buzzed. ethans name popped up.
where are you?
i looked at the time, 6:17. oh shit!
i got caught up in hw. be there in a few.
okay.
i rushes downstairs and grabbed my keys and wallet and went to my car. i drove to the coffee shop and went inside ordering my usual, they didn't need to ask for my name. oops. and when i got my coffee i sat down with ethan.
he was looking at his phone as i was walking over to him and when i sat down he put his phone away and looked outside the window. okay. let's do this.
"hey. how has your day been?" i asked.
"hey and it was good but we need to talk about gray." he cut right to the subject. it's about him. that's why he couldn't be here. i mean he probably told me already. i just don't remember.
"what about him? he seems fine to me." i said looking away from ethan and to my coffee, twirling the straw.
"to you he looks fine because you haven't seen him in what, almost 4 years? he's not. he hasn't been since the brea-"
"i don't want to talk about that. he chose to end things ethan. that's on him. i get why, he told me why. but i'm still so broken from it. i don't let anyone in anymore."
"i get you're scared. so is he."
"he wasn't. he had a be girl within a few months. he's fine."
"anja listen please. just talk to him. hear how he feels. he misses you, he still cares."
"and you think i don't?" my voice raised a little. "i cared about him, he'll i still do care about him. he was my everything. he knew me. i knew him. then he decided to end things, especially at the worst time for me e. i won't forgive him for that. i was breaking and then he chose to just finish it off fast and quick. snapping me in half."
"i know he shouldn't have done that to you but just give him a chance. you agreed to talk to me at a coffee shop and i think that's you giving me another chance at our friendship."
"you didn't break my heart ethan." i wanted cry. "he can have another chance. but just as friends." i got up and started walking past him to the doors until he grabbed my wrist lightly.
"thank you." he smiled and let go. i gave him a nod and walked out.
———— 4 hours later ———
it's a little past 10:30 when i'm watching 'the happy time murders' and eating cookies with milk. i'm so into the movie when i hear a knock at the front door. i pause the movie. walking to the door i wonder who it could be. opening it, it's the one and only grayson dolan.
"may i help you?" i asked.
"i was wondering if we could hang out. if you don't want to it's okay." he was standing there, fiddling with his fingers. his hair was down and he was just in sweats and a hoodie. it was raining outside and he didn't have a rain coat on.
"sure. i'm watch a movie, the happy time murders" i said as i walked back to the couch.
"oh i love this movie." he said smiling.
i missed that smile. no you don't. no you don't. gosh, i need to get over this guy.
we sat in peace. he attempted to steal my cookies. attempted. did not succeed, so he went to the kitchen to make his own. coming back while the cookies were in the oven. he took his hoodie off and sat down next to me, setting the hoodie behind us on the back of the couch.
the scent reminded me of the hoodies he forgot to take back when he left so i excused myself and went to my room. i closed the door and went to my closet and reached towards the back of the closet. feeling for the box i left his clothes in. once i found it i set it on my bed. looking at each article of clothing i remembered just how i git it. stealing it from his closet, from staying the night, him leaving it at my house sometimes on purpose other times on accident.
i heard a knock on the guest bathroom door which was between my room and the guest bedroom. i wiped the tears i didn't realize were running down my face and put the box under my bed. i opened the door, thanking myself for not turning on the hall light. he turned and looked at me in the dark hall, i guess he thought i would be in there.
"i-i thought you were in the bathroom. t-he cookies are r-ready." why was he stuttering? hmm.
"okay. i thought they were just for you?" i asked raising my eyebrow even though he can't see because of the darkness.
"they were but you've been gone for a while."
"oh. um i'm sorry."
"it's okay. why were you crying?" he asked.
"i wasn't?"
"no, i know you were. i heard you when i was on the stairs coming up. why were you crying?"
"it's nothing gray."
he started walking towards me and stopped a foot away from me. he lifted his hand and for some reason i flinch. i mean i know why. i'm scared to feel his gentle touch again. i'm scared to let him in a little. i'm scared to tell him.
"i didn't mean to make you flinch. i'm sorry." grayson said taking a few steps away from me. he was standing by the staircase so i could see his face from the light in the stair hall. he had a tear falling down his face. his eyes full of darkness. why can't i let him in? why am i keeping him out? he started walking down the stairs so i went to go after him. when i caught up he was at the front door.
"grayson please don't leave. please stay. please."
"why? you flinched when i was going to wipe your tears away." he mumbled audible enough that i could hear him.
"i'm just scared to let you in gray."
"i get it." he turned to look at me and i broke. he was hurt. you could see it so clearly. "you need space. and i'm sorry for what i did. it was so stupid. i miss you. leaving you was a mistake and i know i'm losing you. i don't want to. but please let me in. i won't hurt you. not again."
"grayson, you're the reason i have my walls up. i loved you. i loved you with everything in me. and what's so bad about it is that i still do." i was trying not to break down. my voice was shaky.
he walked over to me. and his next words did not help. "i still love you too."
