Become A Ghost

Become A Ghost, Chapter Thirteen

Orihime awoke one day with a knowledge that was somehow thrilling and awful at the same time.

Orihime knew that she was falling for Byakuya; falling hard, in fact, so hard that it was going to hurt like hell when the inevitable happened. The inevitable, of course, being the horrible and undeniable fact that it was impossible for them to be together. She could try to pretend for a while that it was possible, could indulge herself in dreams of kisses and lovemaking, but ultimately, in the end, there was too much at stake for each of them. For him, the risk was the loss of his position as head and leader of his family clan.

For her, the risk was to lose her heart completely and have to try to survive without it. The pangs of longing she felt when he said something funny, or interesting, or clever... the angle of his cheek when they walked in the moonlight after supper... the graceful arc of throat, or shining lock of hair in the lamplight as he wrote letters... she wanted to touch him, to caress and kiss him, to do things she had no right to do.

She knew she could be a bit of a dim bulb when it came to some things, but even she could not continue to be so oblivious that she missed the hints and cues that had been creeping up on her over the past few weeks.

Byakuya joking, Byakuya allowing her to tease him, Byakuya teaching her shunpou and permitting her to give him a picnic... Byakuya displaying his bankai, and holding onto her so tightly as they flew over Seireitei just to make her feel better after she broke her nose... Byakuya smoldering like a sex god of yore as he removed her shoes... Byakuya engaging her in a philosophical discussion when she knew darned well he'd prefer to enjoy the silence, again to distract and cheer her up.

These were not the actions of the detached, apathetic Byakuya that 99.99% of the world got. Orihime knew, she knew, that he would not have done any of that for just anyone. She even harbored a niggling little scrap of doubt he'd have done it for Rukia herself.

So now that she suspected that he might actually return the attraction she felt for him- she wouldn't go so far to think he might actually be tumbling headlong into love with her the way she was with him- it was becoming harder and harder for her to behave normally around him. After a few days of bumbling and blushing and stammering, Orihime decided she had to put some distance between them before she exploded in a palpitating storm of hormones and frustrated emotion.

Thus it was that after she and Rukia had been discovered crying like fools that Orihime asked Isane if she could work at the free clinic in South Rukongai on a daily basis, not just once a week. Isane, a little confused but delighted to have quality healing available to those unfortunates, agreed readily.

And so Orihime began waking at sunrise, gulping down a hasty breakfast brought to her by a sleepy-eyed servant before the Kuchiki siblings had woken, and shooting off in her best shunpou toward her new occupation. She would spend her precious few kan on lunch (if she remembered to eat at all), then work late and return home after dark. She was exhausted, but it gave an excellent excuse for her to eat the cold supper left for her, shine the brightest smile she could muster at her friends, and shuffle off to bed, just to do it all again the next day.

It was hard; she missed him terribly. Missed seeing him in the morning as they had breakfast with Rukia, missed having dinner with him at night, missed the evening walk through the manor's grounds and the companionable hobby-work they all engaged in. It was a sense of belonging and family she'd longed for since her brother's death so long ago, and forcibly cutting herself off from it hurt like an open wound.

Still, better this than the alternative, revealing to Byakuya her feelings for him and being rejected, or worse, ruining his life. She knew she was a coward. Who was to say how things might have turned out with Ichigo if she'd had the courage to confront him with her love? Perhaps all that had been needed, then, was for one of them to be strong enough to step forward first. And who was to know how things might turn out if she were able to take that first step toward Byakuya, to frame his face in her hands and whisper "I love you" against his lips.