Achieving Serenity

Two Dead Batteries

Romance and recovery

After spending thirty-six days in a treatment center and being clean, Garrett was beginning to really enjoy his sober experience, despite his intense fear when he initially arrived there, detoxing and feeling aggressive anger. Nowadays he was crushing on a fellow patient, a girl named Sonya who was his age and experiencing similar addiction problems, and she seemed to serve as the rock that made Garrett really want to change his behaviors for good. Sonya took her recovery very seriously and he realized if he was going to have any shot with her, he needed to take his own recovery seriously as well.

Sonya left the facility five days before Garrett was scheduled to leave, and it was during these last days that Garrett dreaded the most. He did not want to participate in general responsibilities, rebelling to authority- the only act that was relieving him of his deep-rooted anger toward being without Sonya. He eventually came clean to his group about his feelings for her, and they cautioned him of how rehab romance can be dangerous considering the two participants in the relationship are both broken. They analogized this with two dead batteries trying to power a remote- it will never work. Garrett understood this logic but at the same time dismissed it as silly sober talk, as this certainly wasn't the first ridiculous thing he had heard at this treatment center.

The inevitable discussion about what he plans to do when he leaves the facility was undergoing with Garrett and the lead counselors. They all recommended he go to a men-only halfway house in Prescott, Arizona, as this was a good place with great men all wanting to do well, and had personal success stories from past patients at the treatment center. However, all these marketing conspiracies weren't going to fool Garrett. Surely they know nothing about this shithole and just got money from them in order to refer me there. Garrett was far too advanced for their playfully devious business tactics and insisted that he go to a nice place in Scottsdale that they were recommending to the last group of patients that completed the program. In other words, Garrett wanted to go where Sonya went.

After an extensive talk with the counselors and his parents, he makes the decisive choice to go to the Scottsdale sober living home since ultimately nobody could force him to do otherwise. When he gets there he is disappointed to learn that even this place was men-only and that even though Sonya was at the same company, the women's home was at a separate location miles away, the address hidden from the men. Of course, this frustrates Garrett and causes him to rebel to the authority at the home, stating that their brochures were misleading and didn't mention he was going to be with only men. Regardless, he does manage to settle into the home and uses the number Sonya left for him to contact her.

They meet up at obscure locations and lie to their houses about where they are since the men and women communicating with one another was strictly forbidden at both houses. Garrett makes certain to sign up for the same outpatient program as Sonya but is once again disappointed when he is appointed to a different group held at night time instead of during the day when Sonya was there. He still white-knuckles through the program and through his own recovery in any attempt possible to get closer to Sonya.

Sonya does not feel the same way about Garrett and has always had plans of returning to her boyfriend in New York after completing the suggested programs of recovery. When the dreadful day of Sonya's flight back home finally comes for Garrett, he confesses his love to her only to be shut down to an "I think you're a great guy, we should still be friends" monologue. This leaves him feeling tremendously distraught and alone, and feeling as if his efforts in the last couple of months have all been wasted. He knows he still needs to take his recovery seriously, but his broken heart is all too centered in his mind and fogging his ability to make coherent decisions.

Ignoring the relapse prevention tools he had been properly equipped with, Garrett recovers the deleted number of his old drug dealer and scores some heroin in an effort to feel any possible way that was different than the way he was feeling now. He's able to go under the radar at his sober home for a few weeks but is eventually drug tested and they are forced to discharge him. They give him an address of a place they recommend, but have him pack up his things.

He knows the answer, but he still follows his hedonistic tendencies instead of returning to recovery headfirst, seeking help in any way possible. Garrett returns to the streets, living on the floor of his drug buddy's apartment. He doesn't answer calls from his parents until several weeks later when he surrenders once again.

Garrett is placed back in rehab, and back to square one. He spends the first several weeks complaining about how terrible a person Sonya is, completely victimizing himself. Failing to see where he is at fault, he lives out this delusion feeling the same aggressive anger he felt when he went to his first rehab. It isn't until he hears something from a fellow addict that planted a seed of a new way of thinking.

Sonya wasn't what he wanted. She was merely a substitution for his true mistress- heroin. The feeling he had around her gave him hope that he wouldn't have to use again. He needed to forgive Sonya, and rid himself of the resentments he carries, and overall end his self-victimization. He was at fault; nobody in the universe was to blame but him, and all he needs to do is clean his side of the street.

Garrett was able to overcome his ego, his tendency to blame and began feeling the thing he hadn't felt since he was a child: hope. He overcame these things by accepting responsibility and taking care of his own sobriety. He found the right reasons to get healthy and was, therefore, able to bring them into existence.