Achieving Serenity

The Klepto Clown

The power of comedy

Calvin Key was a dick. He enjoyed meeting new people, appearing friendly and then saying something outrageously offensive to them. The shocked and surprised looks on their faces are what he found most decadent; the gradual transition between a full laugh to a straight face. Befriending others was easy for him, and to Calvin, they were just another victim to his kleptomaniac behaviors. As long as he helped them look for whatever he stole, he was chill. I mean how could they suspect him if he was, in fact, looking for the item himself? Bulletproof.

Competitively, Calvin has never lost to anything in his entire life. Every competitive atmosphere he has ever placed himself in proved only to be another victory in his incessant success. He actually lost at things quite often- as a matter of fact, he lost more often than he ever won. But in his head, he is undefeated and will remain that way. Whenever he brags about never having lost ever, often times contenders would challenge this ridiculous claim. Sure enough, Key would end up losing but he would just talk about how it's too cold in the room and that had a direct effect on his hyper-advanced dexterity.

When it came to females, Calvin was irresistibly hot and charming. Many women at a time were in love with him and sometimes it was difficult for Calvin to keep all them happy, and proved burdensome to find his one true inamorata. In reality, Calvin had many girlfriends because he was mentally unstable and was constantly on to the next one having become bored with the last one. Most women viewed him as a compulsive lying thief and psychopath, and none of them were in love with him. He was average-looking, but his head was rather large. And that's in a physical sense and not a pun toward his annoying ego.

The twenty-eight years of Calvin's life so far didn't seem to be going anywhere, but he was still a hardworking man. He worked construction and as a mechanic to pay rent, stayed clear of drugs and alcohol and never had any trouble with the law (somehow). His father was a rage-filled, full-blown alcoholic and Calvin had seen what that type of behavior can do to people, yet he still stole from friends, family, and work. He lived in a small apartment in California with his girlfriend, and so far she has yet to discover that even though he is confident and sexy, Calvin Key was a dick.

The phone in Calvin's pocket buzzed as he was taking his break from digging ditches. He fished it out of his pocket and saw his girlfriend's face on the screen.

"Yes, hello? I'm working, babe."

"Hey Cal, you know how to box, right?"

"Yes, I have won boxing matches," Calvin replied.

"I thought I heard you mention that. So my friend Kayla's brother works at a radio station and needs to learn to box for something they're doing. You can teach him?"

"Yeah, I got him. What time?"

"I'll give you more details when you get home. Kisses," she said before hanging up.

Calvin grabbed a shovel and returned to work, and really didn't give much more thought to the conversation.

The next week, he got together with his mutual associate, a man named Kevin Locke, and attempted to teach him boxing, even though he had never done it before in his life. Kevin found Calvin absolutely hilarious and really hit it off with him. Kevin got Calvin a job at the radio station doing a segment each week and ultimately Calvin decided that this was the most fun he has ever had in his life. He continued his other jobs until he was offered a full-time gig as a radio DJ on a show alongside Kevin.

Their show was a hit, and Calvin really got to subconsciously reinvent himself, and rid himself of his kleptomania and his compulsive lying, and all of his other character defects. Calvin continued to thrive in the radio world and was given a huge career thanks to Kevin. Kevin goes on to be a late-night talk show host and both of them enjoy their lives at successful comedians.

20 years later, Kevin makes a confession to him.He was really depressed and suicidal around the time they had just met and waslooking to box because he wanted to get in fights with people in the hopes hewould be beaten to death. The way Calvin was able to carry himself with suchvivid joy and confidence was something that inspired him. He was so funny whenhe spoke that he would make Kevin laugh so hard until it hurt. Calvin madeKevin realize that the gift of comedy is something that is much more powerfulthan it appears. There's always going to be things to be sad about, but alsothere will always be more to laugh about. Life isn't terrible. Life is funny.